First Tooth

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Hanging Around & Dropping Down

a.k.a "How To Sprain Your Ankle"
featuring my 2.5 year-old daredevil son, Keagan and his fabulous big brother, Lucian v6.0

(in the background you can hear the hissing noise of our Arizona Apache Cicadas during our Monsoon)

Music credit: The New Mastersounds
http://www.newmastersounds.com
from the album - Keb Darge Presents The New Mastersounds - "Drop It Down"

Recorded from my home office window using my iPhone 4S and the native Camera app. Edited and produced exclusively on my iPhone using the Splice app available from the iTunes App Store.

We'll see what our pediatrician has to say about this fall. My poor little dude :( Hopefully he'll heal soon and get back to his monkey business! (and that my boys won't be too mad at me for making this video!)

6 Week Smile

Strike A Pose - 6 Weeks

Nurse. Sleep. Poop and Pee.

Repeat.

Growing strong and mighty. Developing social skills like smiling and foaming at the mouth. (ok, well, little suds bubbles anyhow.)

Chick magnet when worn in a Baby Bjorn on front of Daddy.

Daddy likey.

Wish I had more time to do other things, but sleep is still so overrated these days.

I asked Lucian if we could keep him or if we had to send him back. Lucian said we can keep him. You're all my witnesses!

Just about over my head cold. Little nagging cough left, but feeling better, just tired and joint pains still. Keagan's diaper rash is healing but it doesn't keep him from launching missile attacks on us come diaper changing time.

He giggles a lot in his sleep and sometimes smiles at us when he's conscious which is becoming more and more each day.

It all goes so fast except when I'm waiting for my turn to snooze!

Love,

Keagan & Mommy

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Posted via email from TheMacMommy

Pink or Blue?

Well, the results are in! We're having another little BOY! :)

The sonogram went extremely well and he was not shy at all! I was able to see the "turtle" before she even said so! I guess after enough sonograms you sorta kinda get used to recognizing some body parts. I love to see the little hands and feet moving around. I have a thing for baby toes.

I have to say, this was one of the best sonograms I've ever had. Lucian's sonograms were great too, but I don't remember him moving around as much as this little guy does! It was amazing to watch him move. Lucian was always a very mellow baby for which I was extremely grateful! This little guy scares me because I just get the feeling that he's going to be a fearless little firecracker! I don't know how I'll keep up! I suppose I will have to acquire a taste for coffee and be like everyone else on the planet who drinks coffee. I'm hoping perhaps he was hopped up on sugar because I had a piece of banana bread with icing before the appointment. (temporary weakness for sweets)

Our sonogram tech was just awesome. She was so patient, fun and seemed extremely experienced and really enjoys what she does. She took lots of time to explain everything and answer questions. I didn't feel rushed like I normally do during sonograms. I was just so relaxed and pleased with the way she looked at everything and even went back to areas where I had questions.
Nate and Lucian were there and at one point, Lucian had to go potty so Nate had to take him out of the room and missed some of the sonogram. When he got back, she was almost finished but I asked and she let us just watch our baby boy swim around for a little while since Nate had to miss a little of it. It was so great. Lucian was almost interested, but of course he was even more focused on seeing what buttons and switches he could press. There was a lot of "Jeffrey, Jeffrey, stop it Jeffrey, get down Jeffrey, don't touch that Jeffrey." Sigh.

Baby was VERY active and squirming all over the place. He was putting his little hands up to his face and tilting his little head back and side to side. It almost made it hard for the tech to get clear pictures at times. He was really making her work for it!
She said we're on target for the due date and he's within normal size. Only one thing they are going to watch is that I have what is called a "low lying placenta" so they just want to make sure it doesn't turn into placenta previa. We'll have another sonogram around 26 - 28 weeks to make sure the placenta has moved up to it's normal position like 99 percent of all cases do.



I haven't yet gained any weight, in fact I lost a pound. I asked my OB about this and she said it's nothing to worry about. She told me I could actually get away with only gaining five pounds towards the end. So, I'm not going to stress about the weight gain unless it makes my leg hurt. At this point, I'm extremely grateful for the slow weight gain and the extra reassurance that baby is healthy and getting all the nutrients he needs right now.

We were hoping for a little girl, but of course we're happy with another boy that's healthy. I'm slightly relieved because we're already prepared for a boy. It kind of takes the stress out of having to reconfigure things for a girl. We may try again after this, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. The joke is that the Davis family comes in sets of three and it's usually two boys and a girl. So, if we feel up to it after this baby, we might try and tempt fate to see if that pattern holds true. I'll be 35 in December so I'm not exactly looking forward to being of "advanced maternal age." I know plenty of people are totally fine with that and I respect that — it's just not what I wanted for myself. I also believe things happen for a reason and that God has an ultimate plan for us so, if I'm meant to have a daughter, it will happen. If I'm meant to be the mother of a little soccer team, than so be it. Boys are cool!

It's kind of funny, I was getting all these girl vibes so I was a little surprised it turned out to be a boy. I won't lie, I was slightly disappointed but more so because my gut feeling was wrong, not because we're having a boy. I don't like being wrong! He just looks so healthy and that's what makes me really happy now. It's just a relief knowing. I suck at surprises because I'm way too nosey.

The other reason that the sonogram was great is because, even though this is the third one, for some reason, THIS is the one that made it real for me. When I was pregnant with Lucian, I think it was the 1st sonogram that made it real for me. I was around 12 weeks along and he was starting to move and I could see him wiggle around on the screen and I was truly delighted.

With this pregnancy, I've been a bit more depressed for various reasons and I was really craving some reassurance that the baby was still alive and surviving and most of all - real. It's not like I was experiencing anything that should make me worry like spotting or cramping, it just didn't seem real or accepted for some reason. (Partly because of the issues I'm still having with my mom.)

It still seems like a dream, but it's so much more realistic to me now. I'm starting to get in the mood for digging out baby stuff and getting certain things set up. Nate of course just says we have time and he's not feeling the kind of pressure I feel to nest. I always worry that if I don't start doing things now while I have the energy, I won't get them done later when I'm distracted and too irritated from being super pregnant.

Already I'm having a hard time getting around and chasing after Lucian because I have a lot of aching in my pelvic joints. (I don't know how else to put it.) The OB says it's perfectly normal because this is my second pregnancy and ligaments aren't as tight as they used to be so baby is resting lowing in my pelvis and causes the aching feeling. I can still get up out of a chair rather quick when I need to, but walking around and standing a lot is not comfortable at all.

I've been getting more tired earlier in the evenings and waking earlier in the mornings so that's a good thing. I just wish I wasn't waking at 3 or 4 in the morning because I feel like I have to pee and then can't get back to sleep. The OB says Tylenol PM is safe to take (as is Benadryl) when I really need it so I'm glad for that. I try my best not to use it if I can help it because I hate putting chemicals in my body that might affect the baby no matter how safe they say it is. Sometimes though, I have to consider the alternatives. Going several days on only 4 hours of sleep each day isn't good for me either. I basically can't sleep much longer than 3 to 4 hours at a time. If I do, it's rare and I take it when I can get it.

I need to be tested for Gestational Diabetes again at around 26 - 28 weeks and I'm nervous that I may have it again. I'm really trying to watch my sugar intake. I can't remember the last time I really craved and ate much chocolate, so that is good. It's the carbs that are my biggest weakness. Being part Italian doesn't help! I have such a penchant for pastas, breads and cereals. I don't keep junk food in the house but I do unfortunately keep too many carbs in the house and that is my comfort food. A bowl of cereal or a bagel or a big plate of pasta is what makes me happy.

So, anyhow, I'm waning but I wanted to get this post out and also take some time to thank all of those who were "Thinking Pink" for us yesterday. I know several people who even wore pink underwear for me!! Even dudes!! So, thank you for your valiant efforts and perhaps next time.

I was feeling so feminine for a while there thinking that I might be having a girl and now I'm tempted to cut these long nails off! It was a nice thought for a while, and I do enjoy embracing my femininity once in a while, but I'm really comfortable hangin with tha boys in my sneakers much of the time so another little boy dude in the house suits me fine :)

Bittersweet

Well, I knew this time would come, but I was never sure how I would feel about it. I've decided that I am okay with it. It's now been several weeks, but Lucian has finally weaned himself.

Boy, what an affirmation!

I can't really, truly remember the last time he nursed and a friend told me that would happen so that helped prepare me. I'm kind of glad there wasn't really a significant "last supper" so to speak. Actually, it would have been more of a "last breakfast" since he gave up the night sessions long ago. Even then, towards the end, it was more of a comfort thing anyhow. I mean, have you seen my son? He doesn't exactly look malnourished!

I'm just glad overall. It's very, very bittersweet, but overall, it just feels right to me and us and that's the most important part.

A week or so ago I retired my breast feeding ticker that used to adorn the bottom of this blog. It made me a little sad to remove it, but it was time. I've accepted it as another milestone in our lives.

I love these little tickers, so perhaps I'll find some new ones for Lucian and the baby.

Some other time perhaps I'll go into more detail about the struggles I had with breastfeeding in the beginning in hopes that it might help someone else. Or maybe just to remind myself how far I came in case I need some encouragement in the future. I might even do a "gadget review" of my trusty breast pump if I get up the nerve.

It was an incredible challenge, but one that I feel was a major triumph for me. I'm keeping the attitude that it can only get better the next time and I'm determined to do it again, but also accept it if this next child doesn't nurse for as long as Lucian did. (Or longer if necessary.)

When we went to the OB for the initial blood tests to confirm the pregnancy, Lucian was still nursing, but very occasionally. One of the first questions I asked the RN was about breastfeeding (if even only for comfort) while pregnant. She said it was perfectly fine up till 20 weeks and by then I would have to wean him because nipple stimulation causes a release in Prolactin which could bring on pre-term labor. Aren't you glad you know that now?

So, I kept that in mind for the next week or so, but gradually, he just stopped asking every morning. He let me down easy and I'm soooooo grateful! Even still, very rarely, he will put on a funny face as if to be playful and tell me he wants "mlauk" – which is his "pet name" for it. I have no idea why he picked that word, but he made it up as a way to differentiate between cow's milk and "boobay juices of luv" – which was my pet name for it – affectionately.

I've seen some TV stories of women who extended breastfeeding and – while I'm sort of in that "camp" because we went past two years – I thought it was silly that they had nicknames for breastfeeding. That was, silly until I realized that we were doing that too!! Now it doesn't seem silly any more – it's just the way it is and why bother feeling weird about it!

Well, that's a little update on some of the transitions I'm going through. I have more, but I'm trying to do shorter, more frequent posting. Plus I'm a bit hormonal so I try to think before I post more.

Gestation 2.0

Our family is pleased to announce something very exciting and here is Lucian to give you the special news!

We Found Nemo!
We just had our first sonogram and got to see the little sea monkey's heart beat and watch it float around. (I swear, it looked like a sea monkey!) It was a very special and exciting time for all of us. Lucian watched the monitor intently. The sonogram technician tried to explain it to Lucian and said, "See the little baby? It's swimming around in Mommy's belly like a little fishy!" Lucian was observant to point his little finger at the screen and exclaim, "Look! Nemo!" So now you know why we'll be nicknaming this baby "Nemo" for a little while. I laughed so hard and it took me a little while to regain composure so we could continue with the rest of the sonogram. (It doesn't work very well when your belly is moving around due to giggling.)

The sonogram printouts are now proudly hanging our our fridge. They all look identical and I wish the picture was clearer, but it turns out we're not as far along as the OB thought we were. Based on the measurements, the sonogram technician adjusted our due date from October 30th to November 9th. I'm still hoping for a Halloween baby though because second babies are usually earlier and if this pregnancy has the same complications as Lucian's then they would take the baby early anyhow. We'll just have to wait and see. (Something I'm not very good at!)

There isn't much to see in the photo, but seeing the heartbeat in action was enough to at least make it feel just a little more real. It's still very surreal. I thought maybe sharing the news might help with that. We're only 8 weeks and 5 days along (not 10 weeks like we originally thought) so it feels odd to share the news so much sooner than we did the first time around, but the sonogram technician said it was safe to share because there was movement and a good heartbeat.

Here is Nemo's very first baby picture!

According to the sonogram measurements, our little "Nemo" is 5.9 cm long. That's the length of my pinky so now I can't stop looking at my little finger and day dreaming just a little.

Standard Gestational Operating Procedure
I've been feeling very tired and have been trying harder to get more rest. That's why this blog and other social places have been quiet or dormant for so long. Lucian has been much more demanding of my time. With a new family member coming, I'm also trying to cherish more of our time together while it's still just him and us. We sleep in and snuggle more in the mornings because Pre School is just around the corner. (and because gestation is hard work!!) I know I'll never get these times back so I like to hold on to them just a little longer now.

It's also why I've been a little more stressed about finances, but I'm sure this is all normal. (I'll go into more detail about other things later.) Another reason I've been quiet is because I hate keeping secrets! I'm good at it, but I hate doing it! I was so afraid I would slip and spill the beans, so now that we've been to our first sonogram I feel a little better about letting the cat out of the bag.

It's still very early and things could go wrong, but after seeing it yesterday, there isn't any point in keeping it a secret any longer. Our family has known now for a couple of weeks. I suppose if something were to go wrong, I'd rather have more support than none at all. These feelings are all standard gestational operating procedure, I'm sure. I'm certainly a lot more relaxed about most things this time around but I think I'm much, much more tired!!

It's hard to imagine I was working full time the first time around. I don't know how I had the energy! Now that I'm a stay-at-home-mom, I have to say, it was nothing compared to working 24/7 for a busy toddler!! You can't call in late to a toddler who wants his breakfast N-O-W just because you'd like to try and hold on to your cookies.

Overall, we're very happy because we've been trying since October of last year, so this is very welcome news for us. I was just beginning to wonder how much longer it would take so I feel relieved since I'm not getting any younger! Luckily, I'll be delivering just before my 35th birthday! Whew!

Back to Blogging
I'm really hoping to get back into blogging about my life. I didn't keep a journal during my pregnancy with Lucian because I just didn't have the time and I was working full time. I really wished I would have because now, more than ever, is when I would really like to reflect on my past experiences to help give me a little confidence boost here and there. Not like I have any more time now, but there is a bit more flexibility so I'm going to give it a try. This blog will still be geeky in nature so it won't be a complete baby diary. I still have plans for other posts, but you know how it is these days, life first and then, if the urge sticks, then it might make it into the blog.

I might also try to write more about some of my past pregnancy and delivery experiences with Lucian. My delivery experience, to me, was very, very traumatic and I haven't yet found the strength or courage to write about it, but maybe it will come. Since almost 3 years has passed, I know I don't remember details like I did when it was happening to me and that's probably a good thing. Anyhow, I'm just going to have to try because writing is very therapeutic for me.

Gestation is hard work, but it's one of the most rewarding experiences a human can experience so I welcome the challenges to come!

Stay tuned for more updates and I hope you feel as blessed and lucky as we do.

Singing the ABCs

Sorry it's been so quiet here lately. Been having some technical difficulties combined with just being so darn busy!
I've been missing blogging and hope to get back into it soon. I have lots of stuff to share. As usual, I'm backlogged. Some things though are just a matter of timing but soon all will be revealed!

Here is a little video Lucian and I recorded today after he got up from his nap. He loved to sing and pretends different objects are microphones.

The video freezes up, sorry about that. We'll try to make some more later when we're done planting our seeds for our new garden!!

The Eyes Have It

Just a quick update on Lucian's eye status. He needs glasses. Not the greatest news, but hey, it could be a whole lot worse. If this is the least of our problems, I'm grateful. The eye doctor said she wants to see him back in another 6 weeks to see how he's responding to this course of treatment for his strabismus.

So now we have to find a pair of glasses suitable for a 2-year old and try not to go bankrupt doing it. He tried on a couple of pair at the "boutique" across from the ophthalmologist's office. (I don't know what else to call it.) Those pair were around $300.00. Yikes!

I called my insurance company and they gave me some alternatives and a discount card I can use. So, I think we'll go with Oma tomorrow or sometime this weekend to pick some out for him.

Until then, here's a little sampling of some pics we took not long ago for your enjoyment.

Here is what he looks like wearing his Daddy's glasses:














And here is his best Elvis impersonation to date:

The Hardest Word

"I'm s-s-s-s-oree-ee da-d-dee," he said with tears streaming down his chin, snot swiped across his cheek, and in the most adorable whimper that nearly broke my heart.


We're trying to teach our very young son about right, wrong, consequences and rewards. It's not fun. Except for the rewards part. Which, right now is picking him up out of the pack-n-play where he's served his time-out, cuddling him and soothing his misery and reexplaining to him just what he did that was wrong and that even when he's bad, Mommy and Daddy still love him no matter what, but that being bad upsets us and the result is a time-out (or a swift smack on the hand if he did something dangerous).

Tonight's bad choice: spilling salt from a salt shaker all over the floor that we had just vacuumed. I don't think he really knew it was such a big deal but he knows now.

Teaching a child at this age to apologize is not easy. He's probably much too young to even comprehend the concept of feeling remorse, but I think it's important to introduce this to him early on. Too many children today, it seems, get to skip this part, but I won't have it.

As much as I dislike this part of the parenting experience, my favorite part is loving him and reassuring him that I love him no matter what. I love to snuggle him and console him. I love the part where he hugs me and says "I love you, Mommy," and then goes back to playing without holding a grudge.

Our son is blossoming and absorbing so much right now. I'm so very proud of him each and every day.

Apple of My Eye

I've been wanting to post this video clip for some time now. It's one of my favorite memories from our cross-country road trip this past summer. It's a little home movie of us and our visit to the Boylston Street Apple Store in Boston, MA. I hope you enjoy it.


Apple Store Visit from TheMacMommy on Vimeo.

One of the many highlights of our cross-country road trip this summer (July 2008) was a visit to the Apple Store on Boylston Street in Boston, MA. Lucian was just learning how to navigate steps so the glass spiral staircase was a real treat! It was lots of fun watching him play with an iPod Touch. Someday, maybe we'll have one of our own.

P.S.
I swear I did not coach him to say "Apple" but I'm hoping Steve Jobs will find it cute anyhow.



Us and Them

During our travels across this big country and in to different states across the U.S.A., I've witnessed my son interact with people from many different walks of life. Old, young and in between; different ethnic and cultural backgrounds to people who look and sound just like us. (If you met my mom or dad, you'd know what I mean. I couldn't give my mom away if I tried. I'm her clone.)

In the two short years since Lucian has come into this world, he has seen more places than I've seen in all my life before my late twenties. I love the fact that my husband and I can provide for these experiences and it gives me great joy to know I can share these memories with him in the future too. (If only I could stick to writing about it more!)

I have a fond memory of us all riding the T in Boston on the evening of the Fourth of July. It was a very busy night as you can imagine. The trains were very full and people were crammed in wherever they could find standing room. Even though Lucian can walk, his little legs get tired very easily, especially in a big city like Boston, so we transported him in an umbrella stroller. That night on the train there were several other families with the same compact umbrellas. One group of people that stood out in my mind in particular was a Hindi family who all dressed in their beautiful and colorful garments. They had a little daughter that looked to be around Lucian's age and she was sitting across from Lucian in her own umbrella stroller.

It was such a delight to watch my son engage in a conversation of "baby talk" with this little girl. There was something so awesome about the way they were talking to each other in their strollers and it made everyone around them smile. It was great entertainment to watch as we all traveled to our destinations all cramped together in a confined space. There was something so pleasing about the way we as parents smiled at each other while watching our children play so happily together.

It was the Universal Language of Parenting.

Our son with his bright blond hair and his fair skin was dressed in denim jean shorts and a red T-shirt with a red, white and blue flag. He was wearing his blue, plastic knock-off Crocs on his feet and his silver bracelet on his wrist. (He never takes it off. It was his Daddy's when he was Lucian's age so it's a family heirloom. People always ask about it.) The little Hindi girl was dressed in a beautiful, bright pink sarong. I think I remember she also wore some type of jewelry and a bindi on her little forehead. The pink color really complimented her dark skin. She was just a most beautiful little girl.

This is a very colorful memory for me. Not just because of the difference in skin color or ethnicity, but the way the children interacted with each other. It was a beautiful moment that I was glad to be a part of. It was very fitting for the evening of the Fourth of July.

It was an American moment.

Yesterday Lucian and I walked to the local park just a few blocks from our home. I love taking him to the park to play. I really enjoy watching him explore and climb. My heart melts when I watch him interact with people and he seems to be a magnet for affection and smiles wherever we go. What I really love most is witnessing the innocent, unprejudiced, unbiased view that this little boy has for his surroundings and I can only hope he stays this way for a long, long time.

Is forever too much to ask?

Yesterday I got to share another colorful moment with my son because the people were different from us, but in a special way. Some of them were mentally disabled and some were both physically challenged as well. There were two different groups each with a set of caregivers. They looked to be having a really good time at the park. The caregivers were trying to take their pictures and get them to smile. All of that struggle seemed to get a whole lot easier as soon as Lucian arrived.

There was one woman in particular who was very affected by Lucian. She was a frail and elderly African American woman and it appeared she has some mild form of Parkinson's Disease. She squealed with delight while reaching out her finger in a desperate attempt to touch my little boy. I didn't think she would try to harm him so I didn't get really defensive about the situation. I know from experience that sometimes mentally and physically disabled people have the potential to maybe squeeze too hard or lash out unexpectedly unaware of their strength so I stayed close, but just observed. Two caregivers were within hands' reach and I trusted them to know their consumers well and to react appropriately.

Lucian was a little cautious at first but very friendly and he slowly approached the woman and reached his hand out to touch her. She then became afraid and shied away from him and then it became a sort of game as he would walk away then she would pine for him to come closer. Other people in the group also came over to see what all the fuss was about. The women in the group especially were curious about this little boy joining their group. They all love babies and children no matter how far off the charts they might be with their mental abilities. One woman complimented me on how cute my son was. She repeated several of the words in her sentence over and over with lots of stammering but of course I could understand what she was saying and I thanked her for the compliment. Another woman kept saying Momma while rocking back and forth and an Aide was positively acknowledging her for her correct observation. "Yes, that's right, that's the little boy's Momma."

At the time we were there, it was just the groups of consumers (a term borrowed from my sister-in-law who is a caregiver for people who have disabilities.) and their Aides. There were no other children and parents like Lucian and I.

It was just us and them.

The word 'them' seemed to weigh so heavy on me each time I said it or thought it. I was at a bit of a loss as to how to communicate to my son about who these people were and what was different about 'them.'

One of the groups started gathering in a line to leave. There were some in wheelchairs and walkers and some walking with a limp or assistance to follow instructions for exiting the park. It started to look like a parade and when Lucian noticed this, he got right in line with them and began to follow along. The people in the line were waving goodbye to him and I instructed Lucian to wave too. "I said, go ahead, they're saying goodbye now, wave to them."

In his cute little toddler voice he squeaked out "Buh bye! buh bye! Sthee you sthoon! Sthee you sthoon!" (He has a bit of a lisp right now since he's still working on that sound.)

It was then that I realized that 'they' weren't really a 'them' anyhow. I didn't need to really explain anything about the people at the park. It made no difference to my little boy what kind of person someone is whether they are black, white, brown, purple, green or yellow — whether they can form complete sentences in a language we can understand or if they have only one leg or shake all over. It doesn't matter if the person is his age or older than dirt — as my grandmother would say. My little boy doesn't see skin color, age, mental or physical ability.

He just sees people.

If they smile and want to talk to him, he reciprocates that back.

It's the Universal Language of Kindness — one of the many lessons we can learn from children.

Toddler Tech

Hand-Made Mac Tip No. 6
Toddler-Proofing Your Mac with AlphaBaby

I want to tell you about one of my most favorite Mac applications for kids. It's called AlphaBaby and it's a FREE download. It really came in handy before, during and after our recent cross-country road trip. This application is loaded on all three of the computers in our home. We have a G4 in the office, an iMac in Lucian's room and the MacBook Pro - everywhere. The laptop and the iMac each have a separate user account created just for Lucian with almost identical preferences set. Daddy's G4 has the AlphaBaby icon readily accessible in the Dock.


Ready
You may remember in a previous post how I detailed setting up a separate user account for your child on your Mac. (I plan on revising that tutorial for OS X 10.5 Leopard once I finally decide on which screencasting application I want to use.)

Set
I can not tell you how many times this app has come in handy. You can customize the application for different age groups so when Lucian was an infant, he loved just looking intently at the colors and shapes on the screen. As he got older, I changed the preferences to show letters, colors and lines. Between using this application and a few other online resources, he has learned the entire alphabet before the age of two.

Go
This past summer, we went on a cross-country road trip and we drove from AZ to PA and a couple of other states along the east coast. During the trip, Nate drove and I sat in the back seat next to Lucian and entertained him. Having the laptop along for the ride came in handy many times. All I had to do was click onto Lucian's user icon in the menubar and as soon as the cube began to rotate, his face would light up. I could launch AlphaBaby and entertain him for just a while longer until we were ready to make the next stop.

During this long, 2-month trip, Lucian got to see and meet many different friends and family members. The last time we flew out to PA, he was only starting to speak a few words and associate faces of people. A year later and he can now comprehend who people are and he is beginning to learn which family members are related to him and how. Now that we're back home, I want him to be able to retain the connections he's made over the summer. AlphaBaby is a wonderful tool for this because you can set the preferences to allow photos to pop up whenever certain keys are pressed. I didn't, but you can even map certain keys to specific photos.

A Familiar Face
In Lucian's user account in his iPhoto album, I loaded 170 photos of friends and family members. I used photos of people he knows locally as well as far away since we have family and friends all over the world now. I even used a mixture of recent as well as older photos of some of the children as well as side views of people to see if he recognizes facial changes and he does! It's amazing how well he recognizes peoples' pictures and can say their names more and more clearly every time he interacts with this application. Before we came home, he couldn't say the name of his new Aunt Joanna, who likes to be called Aunt JoJo. Now, with practice, Lucian can instantly recognize a picture of Joanna as "An YoYo." We're still working on saying Great Grandmom.

It would take some time and effort, but you can, if you want, go into iPhoto and change the title of each picture to the name of the person and then in AlphaBaby, tell it to speak the name of the photo. This works ok, but for harder names, you can imagine the speech to text is not perfect. I prefer us interacting with him while using this application in a flashcard type of way.

Allow Me to Demonstrate
AlphaBaby will no doubt come in handy for the future as we get new pictures of people that I can add to his iPhoto library. We just got a new baby cousin a week ago and now another cousin is on the way so as soon as I get those baby pictures, I'll add them to his library and AlphaBaby will add them in at random.

Here is a bad, sorry video I made of Poltergeist AlphaBaby in action starring Lucian teaching his Daddy about colors, shapes and people. (Sorry about the video quality, but I snuck up on them playing and it was night time. I don't know where the knocking sound comes from. The video is from our little point&shoot Nikon. Someday I'll get a better camera when we can afford it.)


Learning with AlphaBaby from TheMacMommy on Vimeo.

The Specs, Ma'am, Just the Specs
The computer in Lucian's room is an old slot-load 400MHz PowerPC G3 Tangerine iMac with 512MB of RAM and a 10GB HD running Tiger 10.4x. Someone was getting rid of it and Lucian's uncle snagged it for us and replaced the ailing DVD ROM drive and swapped the HD with one from another iMac we scrapped for parts. It's amazing what treasures people throw away! Check your local Craigslist or Freecycle and give an old iMac a good home. These machines make great kids' computers because, with a little TLC, you can upgrade them just enough to run Tiger and a few simple applications. For little ones, this is plenty. This particular model is even capable of utilizing wifi with a built in airport! I don't currently have it connected to the internet because the airport card in it is a little too old to be compatible with WPA2 encryption. One day, I'll get an old wireless router and hook it up just for this purpose. For now, I have an almost identical user account set up for Lucian in my MacBook Pro with almost the same preferences.

General
Under the General Tab, I have it set to just flash one letter or number per key press on the screen and in rainbow colors. Only letters or numbers will show which are mapped directly to the characters on the keyboard. This helps him actually learn keyboarding skills. He is getting better and better about actually pressing the right keys when I ask him to. Right now he's mastering letters and we're slowly incorporating numbers as well. He can almost count to ten.

Images
Under the Images Tab, I have the source of the photos loaded from the main iPhoto Library. You can, however, have photos load from a specific photo album or even a folder somewhere else if you're not a fan of iPhoto. I also have it set to randomly load a combination of shapes along with photos since we're still learning colors and shapes. You can see though, I pushed the slider more towards the images since I really do favor photos of people right now since he's learning about family right now too.

I love how this operates in a flash card mode. The pictures pop up at random and repeat at various stages. You never know what you're going to get when you press different keys on the keyboard. He could keep pressing the space bar or any other modifier key and it will show a different photo or shape each time. It really helps him with keyboarding skills because he quickly learns that letter keys result in a letter, number keys a number and any other key results in a photo or shape. He is old enough to make deliberate decisions about what to press. He knows that he will get only photos if he presses keys other than letters or numbers and it's fascinating to watch him make those choices!

Sound
Under the Sound Tab, I have it set to speak the letters using the Victoria voice. It's not perfect, but it's pretty acurate. (The text to speech has greatly improved in Leopard 10.5, but for this demo, I'm using the Tiger 10.4 version of the app.) This is the place where I mentioned previously that you can tell it to speak the images. It will convert text to speech by reading the file name of each photo. So, if you leave your photos named DCSN1045, that's what Victoria will say instead of Pop Pop.

Drawing
Under the Drawing Tab, there are many items from which to choose. When Lucian was really little, I used the stars, ducks or trucks because objects were interesting to him. When kids are really little, you'll want to uncheck the box for drawing requires mouse down. This way, all they have to do is push the mouse or move their finger across the trackpad and it will instantly draw a line on the screen. Little ones don't yet have the hand-eye coordination needed to associate with a pointing device. This tool really helps them grasp that concept much sooner because it draws their eye to a simple line draw which allows them to make the connection between cause and effect of the pointing device. This works well whether it be a single or two-button mouse or a trackpad on a laptop. You can also vary the line thickness. As babies begin to develop peripheral vision, the thickness of the line that appears on screen can make a difference in what they see. If you make the line too thin, they probably will not notice it much. If you make the line really thick, they will take notice of it better and realize the cause and effect relationship between the mouse and screen while their head is pointed down and their eyes focused on the keyboard or mouse.

This concludes my review of AlphaBaby, the application that allows you to toddler-proof your Mac while making learning fun. I hope you've enjoyed my review and that you'll visit the creator's site and donate a few bucks for their hard work.

Hey! Quit It!
Oh and, by the way, make sure the FIRST thing you learn is how to quit the application! You have to press the control-option-command-Q keys all at once, so you might want to practice that maneuver before launching it. Make sure you press those keys only or else you'll find yourself logged out instead. After you've mastered that, then practice launching the preferences by pressing (all at once) the control-option-command-P keys. (Hint: it's the same combination, only the 'Q' changes to 'P.')

The Deed is Done

My Baby Boy's First Hair Cut
ok, ok, ok, I finally had the kid's hair cut. Are you happy Mom ?
It is a very bittersweet time for Daddy and me. Our little baby looks like every other kid at the mall now. His long locks are gone. I'm going to have to figure out a way to pick him out of the crowd.

I like it, but only because society tells me I should. (translation: he may not get another hair cut till next summer)

Well, I didn't go without a fight. I had my friend Jen give him some blue spikes just to piss off my mom for fun.

My friend Jen is one of my best friends from high school. She has been doing things to my hair since the 10th grade. (except no one has touched it in the last 4 years so it is down to my butt now, but one of these days I will get a new do. maybe. In the meantime, she trimmed the ends and it looks less like Ted Nugent's beard.) It meant a lot to me that she was able to give my baby his first hair cut.

Behold the Before and After:

Before


After


and the in between stuff

Funk

I can't sleep. That's nothing new.

Maybe it's because we watched Juno earlier in the evening and it set me off emotionally, I'm not sure. (Great chick flick, by the way.) All I know is I'm in a funk and I just don't know what to make of it. My baby boy turned two years old last week and it's been a harsh reality check. Of course I'm delighted that he had a birthday and that he's even lived this long while having me as a parent! Do I get token coins and tickets for any of that? I think I should at least win a free game or two of skee-ball or somethin! I plan on blogging about his birthday party soon (since it was a really great time), but I'm currently a little overwhelmed with our vacation here in Boston, not to mention all of the pictures and video footage I still need to sift through.

I have so much I want to blog about, but I'm trying to force myself to be a little more analog these days. I suppose what really sticks to my brain will make it to my blog. Should be interesting to see what wins out in the process.

Anyhow, something is bugging me and I just need to get it off of my chest while I await the tylenol pm to friggin kick in already! (I'm going to be worthless in a few hours from now when we're supposed to think about going downtown.)

This time two years ago we were in the throws of the hell that is new parenthood. We had just come home from the hospital on the 4th of July after the alien invasion, also known as a Cesarean section, also known as, to most people besides me, giving birth. I would have settled for the anal probe, seriously, if I would have had a choice. Anything would have been better than a C-section. It sucked and I needed anti-depressants to deal with it all. Someday I'll write what I hope might be a therapeutic blog about that and hope to hell no one reads it for fear the human race will end and it will be all my fault because I blogged about where some babies comes from.

Speaking of which, I am now wishing I'd never stopped taking the anti-depressants. I keep telling myself that when we get back from traveling, I need to make an appointment with a shrinky dink. I can't stand feeling this way anymore and putting my poor, patient husband through it either.



I think it's separation anxiety. Maybe it's just anxiety. All I know is I'm messed up when it comes to being with my child these days. I know what is normal, I minored in psych for crying out loud (which is what I feel like doing lately.) But, like the dude in Juno said, well, sort of in this way "I know I'm prepared. I just don't know that I'm ready."

I don't know that I'm ready for my son to be a kid and not a baby anymore. I know I don't have a choice. My heart hurts when I think about him. When he's awake, I can't wait till it's time for him to sleep. When he's sleeping, I can't wait for him to wake up. And need me.

This is the part where all the other sane people go, "you're kidding me, right?!"

I just want him to need me. ME. Not anyone else.
ME.
M.O.M.
I just want to be needed. Hugged. Cuddled. Kissed.

Lately, only Daddy will do. Lucian could care less if I'm around. He cries in his sleep sometimes calling for his Dadda. He even signs Dadda in his sleep while calling for him. Whenever I try to comfort him, he wiggles away from me and wants Dadda. I can't blame him. I want his Dadda too. (for different reasons though)



I miss my baby boy. When he was born, everyone else got to hold him, meet him, touch him, bond with him, fall in love with him — all before I did. I am very very bitter about having to have a Cesarian. I have yet to forgive myself for going back to work full time for almost the first year of his life. I'll never get that time back and I spin my wheels trying to make up for it.



Sometimes I wonder if he doesn't want to be close to me because he feels I abandoned him. I know that's silly talk, but this is just one of the irrational thoughts in my head lately.

We've been in Boston visiting family this whole week and it's been a little torturous on the anxiety issue. My inlaws probably think I'm a major bitch right about now and probably can not wait till I leave. They would probably have a much easier time if it was just Nate and Lucian spending the time here. I'm certain I complicate everything, but they have no idea of the constant struggles I face mentally when it comes to being here with a young child for the first time. I think maybe this trip is beginning to highlight some things for me which I hope might help me to explain things better to a therpist in the near future.

Not sure if you know this or not, but Boston is a huge freakin city. There are crazy drivers in fast cars, major traffic, everything is high up and close together. There are lots of screechy trains and tracks and people. Lots of people.

In my irrational head: they are all out to get my child. Every time I have to push the stupid umbrella stroller that we borrowed from my sister over train tracks, I have a mini panic attack. I have these mini nightmares that the wheels get stuck just as the T train starts to approach us.

You don't know how close I was to making Nate take us to the nearest baby store and purchase an expensive Jeep stroller with big chunky wheels.

But, we are simple people and that just would not be practical for us, nor our budget. So I suffer and scream inside each time the wheels hit a snag in the road as we walk every-freakin-where in this huge city.

I now know why I've put on so much weight and can't seem to keep it off. My survival plan does not involve climbing three flights of stairs each any every time I want to enter my home. It also doesn't involve walking several blocks to get to a train and then walking several more blocks to go somewhere else, all while toting a child and a backpack filled with everything you might need for several hours out and about. It just doesn't and when I try to keep up with the fast-paced lifestyle here, I feel like a complete failure.

It doesn't help matters that Lucian wants nothing to do with me most times and then his aunt and uncle want to spend time with him and care for him the way THEY see best. Nevermind what I think should happen, my opinion doesn't matter here. I'm just the crazy woman who wants her child on a leash while waking into town so that he doesn't wiggle himself loose and dart out into traffic.

Anyhow, I guess the tylenol pm is starting to kick in because I've now sat here a couple of times watching the cursor blink.

Part of me thinks I may regret writing this post. The other part of me, the part that is finally getting tired, just doesn't give a rat's ass. Now if only I could be this mellow when leaving my child to go play at the park with another relative that isn't myself or his father, I think life would be a little kinder to me and my emotions.

Keep a Living Thing Alive

I had an experience with my toddler a little while ago that I don't want to forget. Bear with me while I get my head around this.



Normally, I try to preserve a memento, like a flower, by placing it into wax paper and inserting it into the middle of my trusty old American Heritage Dictionary. Thinking about this task led me to contemplate how other experiences in life relate to this process. Even though I can not preserve this particular memory of an experience with my son in a physical and tangible form such as that of a pressed flower, the mental process is similar when I decide to write about a certain topic. The ultimate goal is still the preservation of youth and wisdom gained through hindsight.

Definitively Divine?
When it comes to preserving a memento, a dictionary makes a nice place to stash articles and for good flower pressings because there is so much weight in between the pages. My dictionary is no ordinary book, however. It is a special gift I received when I was a child and I never realized just how special it is until recently.

I'm not sure about traditions in other schools, but when I attended elementary school in the eighties, back in southeastern Pennsylvania, a little ceremony took place when you reached the end of the sixth grade. At this ceremony, you received a gift. It was an American Heritage Dictionary signed by all of your teachers past and present. Before school was over, this dictionary served as a sort of year book that got passed around and signed by all of your classmates as well. Of course, we also spent time giggling while trying to see how many bad words we could find in it. That was always a fun pastime. Getting your dictionary signed and signing your friends' dictionaries was a big deal at the tender age of twelve.

Receiving this gift of the dictionary was a bittersweet and significant event for us even though we could not fully comprehend it. The event represented the end of a large portion of our childhood while signaling the beginning of an exciting new phase: junior high. It was uncertain if you would keep the close friends you had while attending elementary school and the future was uncertain when it came to thinking about making new friends in a much larger fish bowl. We all knew it and we had mixed feelings about it. We could not quite grasp the concept at the time, but receiving this gift also meant not only that we were old enough to have our very own dictionary but also that we had now been given the responsibility for becoming resourceful on our own.

Pulling Teeth
It was really difficult for me to transition from elementary school to junior high because my school was like a big family to me. Parents knew each other and they knew the school staff. Everyone knew everyone. My Mom sold Avon to just about everyone from the lunch ladies to the School Secretary, Mrs. Wert. The Lunch Cashier I remember everyone else called her Mrs. So-in-So, but I knew her real name was Kitty. She wore lots of blue eyeshadow.

My elementary school was a very small school compared to others in the district. Only first through sixth grades were taught and there was only one teacher for each grade for all of the subjects. The only teachers who taught different subjects were the Music, Art and Gym teachers. Other memorable characters included the School Nurse, Librarian and Lunch Aides. Mrs. Amadio, one of the Lunch Ladies, pulled one of my loose teeth out with a sandwich baggie. I'll never forget that. "Mrs. Amadio, look at my loose tooth!" I said and then proceeded to proudly wiggle it for her. She said, "Oh, let me take a closer look" as she reached down onto my lunch tray and put her hand inside of a plastic sandwich baggie and gripped onto my tooth and pulled it out of my mouth. I just stood there in shock.

Don't ever show a loose tooth to an old Italian woman. She will pull it out without asking you!

I say this because my Mother's Godmother, Mrs. Giamo, was another woman who pulled out a loose tooth of mine without asking. It all happened so fast. All I remember was a huge wad of scented tissue stuffed into my mouth and seconds later she was holding my bicuspid.

I forgave them though. Years later, Mrs. Amadio did the alterations on my senior prom gown. MomMom, as we call her, she taught me how to apply lipstick the proper way. I always looked forward to visiting her when I was young because she would pull out one of those teeny, tiny little Avon lipstick samples and give me one; despite the fact that my Mother had hundreds of them at home. She just turned 94 I think. Happy Belated Birthday, MomMom.

I was fortunate enough to have attended the same school district from kindergarten on up through high school. If you asked me, I could tell you all of the names of all of the teachers I had for each of the grades one through six as well as a couple of my junior and senior classes. I could even tell you the name of the Elementary School Librarian – Mrs. Siler.

One other fond memory I have was when I was in the first grade, our teacher, Miss Nigreli, invited us all to her wedding. She was one of the most beautiful brides I have ever laid eyes on. Even more pretty than Laura when Luke and Laura got married on General Hospital. It was a huge and long Catholic wedding. I'll never forget watching her pray for children. She had so many children at her wedding (her whole first grade class and then some) and it left such an impression on me. (It's one of the reasons why I wanted to have many children at my own wedding.) After her wedding, she was called Mrs. Patrizi. I was so excited to learn about the difference between Miss and Mrs. and had fun relating this new concept to my dolls and the little boy named Eddie I had a crush on who lived up the street. I had many crushes on different boys throughout the years.

Sign of the Times
Of all of these childhood memories though, I still have to say that getting my sixth grade dictionary signed and crossing that threshold was one of the most profound. This is where the importance of the dictionary is prevalent for inside the index page of the back cover is a note and a signature penned by a boy named Josh. I had a huge crush on him during our sixth grade year. When he signed my dictionary, it meant the world to me. I used to look at it a lot after he signed it. I used to trace my fingertips over the pen outline and study the words he wrote, "To a very good freind I met this year! Good Luck! Josh" He wrote "very" which completely overshadowed the fact that he misspelled 'friend.' The adjective very gave me hope that maybe he liked me too. Of course, junior high came and we went our separate ways and made new friends and discovered new crushes while still keeping ties with our original sixth grade base of friends.

Unfortunately, nothing could have prepared me for what happened in the next few school years. Just three years after signing my sixth grade dictionary, Josh died. We were only fifteen (+/-). It was one of the most difficult things I have ever endured, seeing the lifeless body of a fellow classmate laying in a casket. A funeral for a young friend is no place to be. It's just not the natural order of things. I remember watching his face so intently waiting for the joke to be over. He never woke up. I remember all but passing out into another friend's arms as I turned away from the casket. (Thank you Chris Y. for being there to catch me and for hugging me so hard.)

The fact that Josh's signature is in the back of this book, I think, has something to do with the reason why I use this particular book to press funeral flowers. Ironically, as I think back now, there have been a couple of young people who's funeral flowers I've pressed in between the pages of that dictionary. I think until now, it's been a subconscious way of somehow preserving a piece of someone's youth even though it was lost to death. Death for me at least defines the end of someone's physical life but the beginning of an eternal memory and when a young person dies, they stay young forever. I can't help but thinking that some tiny part of Josh's youth and life, represented in his little note to me and signature, is frozen and preserved in time just like a pressed flower.

So, I guess this proves that my brain has some pretty amazing memory capacity after all. That and the fact that I am super good at digressing.

Insert classic soap opera fade back to present time short term memoryville complete with harp music.

Life in the Hands of a Toddler
Let me tell you a story about a little boy and a Mother's quest to keep a living thing alive. It was a nice and sunny day that lent itself to turning off the thermostat and leaving the front door open to let the sunshine in. We have a metal screen (security door) in front of our wooden front door. There is a gap in between the bottom of this door and the threshold. Sometimes little tiny beetles sneak up through this crack and sun themselves on the concrete step to our front door. This is not a wise thing to do when there is a curious toddler lurking about.

I was cleaning the house and doing some vacuuming when I noticed my son was fixated on something at the front door. I went over to investigate. He had discovered this little black beetle and was trying to play with it. So, I decided to stop what I was doing and help him discover his first bug.

It was strange at first because I have this built in bug fear reflex and I had to find a way to get over that for this moment because I wanted my son to explore the bug and learn about it. I wanted to embrace the moment and share the experience with him. (Plus I would rather he not eat the poor thing!) This meant picking it up myself and feeling it's tiny little legs wiggle against my fingerprints. I remember thinking to myself, here we go, this is what mothering a boy is all about. Bring on the mud pies and slimy frogs. This is now the beginning of life for a little boy.

I watched proudly at how fascinated my son had become with this tiny little living thing. It would crawl and scamper up and down his arm and then drop and trace the chubby contours of his little leg and thigh. Then, with his pincer grasp perfected, he would pick up the bug between his chubby little thumb and finger. I watched in horror and grimaced at the thought of him crushing his new little friend to death there by ending the game sooner than it had began. There was one problem, however. This particular bug was good at playing dead. The more the bug did not respond, the more my son was adamant for getting the bug to cooperate. He was pinching the bug harder and kept dropping it and getting frustrated with it.

One of the most awkward things for me as a Mother to deal with during this experience was knowing that death could very well be imminent for this little creature. All of the sudden I felt this enormous pressure to try and do the right thing. But, what was the right thing? Was it ok to just allow my son to explore this little bug even if it meant squishing it and killing it unknowingly? All of the sudden I realized that I might have to soon give my son his first lesson in what it means when a living thing dies. How was I going to explain this concept to a little person who has only been alive himself for 19 months?

Of course I understand that the ability to comprehend death of a living thing for my young son is way off in the future, but this whole experience with the bug made it such a reality for me. It dawned on me that I am now responsible for teaching my son about life and death. How will I deal with this when the time comes? Do I purposefully allow him to kill the bug to introduce the concept? I have no problem with killing a big, nasty, roach-looking water bug I find in the bathroom at 3 am. (Well, actually I do, I usually scream and make Hubby kill it if he's available.) So why would I have any qualms about letting him mishandle this little black beetle?

I guess it's because I see my young son as so pure and innocent and incapable of inflicting harm on anything. That is my definition of him right now, but I see that definition is changing. It is not something I can preserve in the pages of my own childhood dictionary. He is growing and learning and exploring. His destiny is to create his own definition of himself. I have to accept that and it is not easy. I can not always protect him from the world. I can only teach him to be gentle and respectful of living things including his own life. I have the obligation as a parent to teach him that life is short and sometimes fragile. It's my job to teach him to respect life no matter what form it comes in, but also to realize that some living things are a danger to us and do need to be killed in defense. It makes me ache inside and I can not grasp the reality of what the Mother of a soldier must deal with when her child goes off to war.

I'm not sure what will happen when he learns that certain kinds of bugs scare Mommy and make her shriek and then Daddy comes to the rescue and kills the scary bug. I don't yet know how we'll explain this or the concept of death to him. Maybe I will have to look up words in my trusty old dictionary. Maybe I will have to open the back page and ask Josh for help to explain that sometimes living things die and we're not sure why.

All I know is the gift my teachers gave to me over 2 decades ago is the gift that keeps on giving. I did not realize before now that this dictionary serves as not only as a reference for words and meaning, but also a place to preserve memories and a resource for wisdom as well.

The First Favorite Song

A little while ago I posted on my feelings about how Lucian started saying the word 'no.' It's now something cute we revel in.

Well, I now have KT Tunstall to thank for that! Lucian has loved her song, "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" since he was six months old and now, at 18 months old, he loves to dance and sing to it. I caught him on video – almost – singing to it. It just amazes me how much of an appreciation for music he's got at such a young age. I hope it will stay with him.