Locked Down

Hacking and scamming incidents are on the rise. It’s a sad fact of pandemic life now, but on episode 351 of Geekiest Show Ever, we’re here to tell you that you can take back some control if you know what to look out for and how to implement best practices. We will give it to you straight because we believe that online security should be a regular part of our overall well-being. It’s why we so frequently discuss security issues and using password managers. Tune in to hear us share our field experience for ways to help your loved ones become safer in our digitally connected world.

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🗒 Complete show notes are here: https://www.geekiestshowever.com/gse351-locked-down/

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⏯Audio file is here: http://www.mymac.com/podcast/GSE/GSE351.mp3 🎧

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Uncomfortable, but Do-able is My New Mantra

Passwords for kids — this has been one area where I’ve had to compromise & it’s been uncomfortable, but do-able. It’s part of my job to teach cyber security to people, yet schools insist —and subsist— on using terrible passwords, but I get it. I don’t like it and I don’t agree with it, but I get it and I accept it even though I’ve worked very hard to teach my family the value of digital security and password hygiene.

When they have to use a site or platform that doesn’t allow for password changes, I remind them that it’s not how we do things, but for the type of educational service and limitations, we can compromise.

My kids have been using a password manager app since they were very little. But when it comes to using school laptops where personal apps can’t be installed, and for when they were too young to have their own smartphone to use as a look-up tool, we devised a plan. 

Normally, I advise against re-using passwords, but as in this case of compromise, I allow it to a degree. For each child, we come up with a password that is something unique, hard to guess, but easy for them to remember and develop muscle memory for typing. Once we’ve picked & practiced the base password, for each new site or platform they register, we use an abbreviation or short name for the service or product and tack it into the end.

Example:

MyGr8password becomes: MyGr8passwordGoog

MyGr8passwordScoolgy

MyGr8passwordIC

MyGr8passwordOffice

MyGr8passwordCanv

I still have them keep these logged into their password managers then, when necessary, we can print out a screenshot instead of hand-writing them each time to save on guessing whether someone wrote a 1, l, i, 0 or O. A spreadsheet or word processed document could work too, if that’s an accessible tool for parents. Be sure to choose a font that makes letters and numbers distinguishable from each other. Courier font is a good choice.

Here are some really terrific tips I love to share from Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise. If you haven’t read her book already, I highly recommend it!

 

Interviewed for Chit Chat Across The Pond - Show 462 of NosillaCast Mac Podcast

Have a listen to yours truly interviewed by Allister Jenks discussing the topic of Teaching Technology to The Young and Old on this week's Chit Chat Across The Pond segment for Allison Sheridan's NosillaCast Mac Podcast show "#462 Watershot underwater iPhone case, IcyDock EZ-Dock, AnyFont, teaching technology to the young and old"

Of course you should listen to the whole episode because ya might learn somethin! (Click the link above to see the entire post for the full show content.)

Click on this audio player to listen to NosillaCast Mac Podcast

This is my written contribution to the show:

CCATP — Melissa Davis on Teaching Technology to The Young and Old: Hard or Just Scary?

I love to compare 7 year-olds with 77 year-olds. I happen to be the parent of a 7 year old (and a 4 year old). I’ve worked with people of all different ages helping them or teaching them how to use Apple tech and most of my clients these days are in the 60 to 80 year old age group.

A person’s life experiences work to shape their personality and vice-versa. Most small children, who presumably haven’t had much exposure to computers, who haven’t yet developed much of a fear for anything, will use and embrace technology because they naturally explore things in their environment. Nowadays babies are born to parents who capture their very first moments with their smart phones. They’re accustomed to this thing their parents tote around – in addition to them – that glows and makes noise and constantly gets shoved in their little faces. Of course there are also parents who are careful to keep their babies away from the exposure to backlit displays for their own reasons. There are inconclusive studies out there that suggest backlit screen exposure can be harmful to developing eyes. I can not confirm or deny any of it at this point so I’m working off of experience with a healthy dose of caution and practice of moderation. Of course the nature vs nurture debate will come up here as well.

Let’s think about the type of exposure. This could be a void of technology exposure in the home and limited to school or vice-versa. It could be a third-world country. Think of the documentaries you’ve watched where film crews go to these countries to document the lives of the people there. Watch how some react to having people moving about with these large and small cameras and computers. Some are cautious, others are curious.

Think about a generation of workers in the 80s and 90s who were introduced to computers in the workplace. So many times you’ll hear people say, “I use a computer at work all day, the last thing I want to do is stare at a screen for longer than I have to.” That generation is skeptical of computers. They’ve been taught computers and devices are for work, not play and that work could never be much fun. Work is not something to enjoy. Their exposure to computers has been, “if I press any other buttons besides the ones I’ve been instructed to press, I might blow up the computer and my boss will fire me.” That kind of exposure breeds fear so no wonder some people in their 50s and 60s can be somewhat apprehensive to computers. They’re also the generation that believes Big Brother is out to get them. We’re seeing that again now with NSA. We’re all very cautious about using devices because of how they infringe upon our privacy or how we might get into trouble by using them.

Lots of people either forget or don’t understand that you can operate software without being connected to the Internet! There are fun things you can do with computerized devices that don’t involve being “online.” This is where I have to teach clients about using the Mail app versus Gmail.

People both young and old may see learning how to use computerized devices as a chore or a task they need to learn and want to get it out of the way so they can go do something else. You could have children in which you’re trying to teach them something specific, say word processing, and you’re getting into the nitty-gritty of how to format a paragraph of text for a report. They may be daydreaming about the video game they want to play while you’re trying to teach them something fundamental.

Older folks have short attention spans also. They get “fried” or “OD” pretty quickly. It’s no secret to us that time practically evaporates when we’re working on something technical whether it’s troubleshooting a problem (that time seems to go the quickest because you’re under stress to work some magic to fix it) or teaching someone how to do something.

One of the biggest pieces of advice I can offer is that everyone learns things a little differently. When you’re working with someone you need to find out how they learn best and adapt your method of teaching them.

Consistency also is key and hard to stick to when your working in a field where everything changes so rapidly. How do you keep consistent? Many people crave consistency. One way I try to achieve this is by drawing parallels across different apps. This is one of many things I love about the Mac OS. I can say things like, "Remember this last lesson we talked about how to search for things within an application and I told you to look for the little magnifying glass? Well, what do you see right here? Notice how the symbol is the same?"

Another way to achieve consistency is by modifying the interface preferences — make everything look the same, enlarge the fonts, and if you customize the toolbar for them, try to put similar tools in the same spots to reinforce muscle memory.

What have you learned by teaching the old and young? 

• Relating analog to digital examples helps.

• Do not take little things for granted. I cringe every time someone says, “Yeah, ya just hit enter.” There are people that don’t understand what it means to “Hit a key” and they don’t even know you meant a key on the keyboard for starters. Do not assume everyone understands all jargon. Look through their eyes and start slow and basic, then drop it down one more level lower because chances are you’re not aiming low enough. Ask them about their experiences first and try to gauge what terminology to use. Explain how you're trying to strike a balance of not insulting their intelligence but also not going way over their head, too.

• When you say “to your left” be prepared to say, “your other left.” People get nervous when they’re being instructed and fumble over basic things and it’s natural. Do not make fun of them for it. You’re no better!

• Don’t do it all for them, put them in the driver’s seat. If you always do it, they won’t learn it. Be gentle at times when you do need to do it first in order to understand it and tell them so. I explain, “In order for me to teach you this, let me do it first and then I’ll break it down for you.” Say things like, “Don’t feel pressured to remember this all at once. We will get there. I’ll go over it as many times as you need.”

• Explain as you go along – verbalize as much as you can while you're whizzing the pointer around the screen.

• Teach people to leave themselves a little breadcrumb along the way.

• Have a boat-load of patience and get used to repeating yourself, hearing the same stories and questions over and over.

Sometimes clients need to stop and tell you a story. It’s how they process information and deal with overload. It’s OK. They know the clock is ticking and you’re charging for it. It took me a while to learn this and I felt very guilty at first, but friendships develop at a deeper level and it’s incredibly important to for trust especially when you’re working with people who are showing you their online banking and other very personal information.

It’s all personal. Very personal. Emotional. This is the most true when teaching people how to work with digital photos or how to make a birthday card or calendar. Be sensitive to this.

Evening, Javelina!

All this time living in Arizona, I have never seen Javelina up close, until now. I was leaving a client’s home Thursday night and it was around 7:45 pm. I was accelerating up a small hill when I had to hit the hooks as they were just congregating in the middle of the road! They scurried up the side of the road and continued their little meeting and I just had to stop the car and marvel at them. It was really hard to photograph what I was seeing with just my iPhone. It didn’t help that I was kinda of scared that they might charge me or that a car could come up behind me at any time. Instinct told me I should not get out of the car, but I admit I was very tempted! I decided they were a safe enough distance away from my car, so I took a deep breath, picked up my iPhone with one hand while rolling down my electric window and keeping my finger on that window button, my left foot on the clutch, right on the break, paused the podcast I was playing, brought up the camera, enabled the flash while trying to reach up with my thumb to tap the screen in an attempt at focusing on the peccary then snapped 2 photos. The super bright flash from my LED flash startled them and they began scurrying away. The photos I captured were pitch black and I was disappointed that I couldn’t capture the moment. I rolled up my window, put the phone back in my dash, engaged in first gear and slowly drove off in amazement of having witnessed these nocturnal animals. I was glad I got to see them with my own eyes.

While organizing my photos for this evening, I decided instead of discarding these back blobs that I’d try and edit them in iPhoto. It turns out I was able to get something out of one of them and as you can see here, you can almost make out the shapes of the Javelina. You can make out 3 or 4 of them in the shadows.

This is what I absolutely love about smartphone photography: the thrill of the moment. Your heart beats in your chest and you feel alive in the moment.

So many times I feel guilty because I am always snapping photos of every little thing. “Melissa, how can you be present in the moment when you’re always behind the camera?” Well, maybe everyone’s way of being present is just not the same. I felt very much alive trying to capture this moment. Not only was I present then, but I can recall that moment now any time I like and feel a sense of pride. Is this not being present in the moment?

Smartphone Photographers Point and Shoot Weekend Edition for 11-23-2013

Check out this lively discussion on sharing your photos online. We discuss apps, services and philosophies along with tips for integrating them with your photo sharing needs.

It's Sketchy, But You Get Ideas

I really love this style of explaining things from OnlineMBA.com

Episode 16 - How to Design Like Apple from Minute MBA by OnlineMBA.com

Knightwise.com Podcast S3ep2 : Macs and Mommies

It's been so long since I've recorded but something about the summer time just seems to kick things off! (Perhaps it's that the Hubby is soon done with school for the summer - yay!) Here is a rare video version of me podcasting/vlogging with my BIB (Belgian Internet Boyfriend), Knightwise. You must check out his stuff. He and his wife are crazy geeks like us - minus kids, plus dogs. (These are my people!!)

If you know me, fast forward through all the boring parts where I talk about myself and say stuff you've probably already heard. The meaty discussion is actually entertaining to listen to and I hope it gets you thinking about how you incorporate tech into your family and in your daily lives.

Share your thoughts in the comments! I'd love to hear from you!
You can follow us on Twitter if you want to geek out across the globe.
@Knightwise and me, @TheMacMommy

Also check out my Google Plus. I plan on interacting over there more too!

My Little Bird Is Angry and Blue

Grammy sent Lucian one of these plush blue Angry Birds backpack clips for Easter. He cherished that little thing! He kept it clipped to his lunch bag and I loved it because it helped him to remember his lunch bag! (In case you don't already know, my little boys are obsessed with Angry Birds and I have no place to complain because it's mostly my own fault!

Well, today something awful happened. His little blue bird has gone missing!! We fear one of the kids in his class may have unclipped it from his bag and taken it. We hope that's not the case! We're hoping it might have fallen off his bag and will end up in the Lost and Found. (I've already checked though.)

I felt so bad for him, his little heart broken and wondering where his bird could be and if someone took it, who could have done such a thing to him since he's such a good friend to everyone. There were tears and he needed a hug, but even that didn't take away the pain. I could see how let down he felt. It's only Kindergarten and already he comes home telling me that certain kids are picking on him at school. I've even witnessed a little bit of it too, but it's so hard to tell with kids this age what they are trying to communicate.

Feeling like I had to provide him with a creative outlet for his frustration, I suggested that perhaps he could create a "Missing" poster like people do when they've lost their dog.

And so I present to you his 2-sided flyer that he designed all himself. Let's see if you can "read" what it says.

I think it says, "Do not get it!" which I think means, "don't take my bird" or "don't hold my bird hostage!" I Think it's interesting that not only did he draw the Do Not circle with a line through it, but also depicts the bird inside of a cage. At 5 years old, I'm not to expect him to write his words in order. Right now he just writes out what he thinks and puts the words wherever they fit.

I think this sign says, "I want my bird and I want it new. You get it?" and then it's either "in 10 minutes or else!" or "It's mine." I think maybe the brown line is a slingshot? He also lists his room number and teacher so you know where to return it. Basically he's trying to say, "I want my bird back unharmed. It's mine and I'm mad it was taken from me. Bring it to Miss Izzo's room 10 or else there will be trouble! That part worries me a little so I'm going to ask his teacher before class what she thinks about it since Lucian's idea was to show it around to his classmates. We'll see what Miss I says about it first.

A few weeks ago, Lucian was carrying around a little trinket. It was a little, plastic, heart-shaped pendant on a string necklace with a picture of Cinderella on it. Lots of times he comes home from school with a new bauble he earned from the "Treasure Chest" for good behavior and he always proudly tells me how he's acquired his new prize. This time he didn't say anything so I asked him how he came to have it and he said he found it on the playground. I explained to him that if he found it then that means that some child has lost it and that he really shouldn't keep it.

This went on for a couple of days as he hemmed and hawed about turning it in. Finally, after using empathy to explain to him how some other child might feel having lost their little prized possession, he agreed to turn it in to the lost and found in the front office and that it was the right thing to do.

Now, it has happened to him except we both believe someone has intentionally unclipped it because it occurred during a class field trip to the zoo today. Angry Birds is a pretty popular item at his school and I've seen children with these little things clipped to their backpacks, sometimes in multiples, so I've no doubt that it's a coveted collectors' item right now. It's hard right now to think it just fell off of his bag, but I really hope that's the case and that good Karma will prevail and someone will turn it in.

Facepaint Fun

Yesterday I took the boys to the Tucson Reptile Show where Lucian got his face painted. This time last year I tried to paint his face for a Halloween costume and he wanted no parts of it. My how much changes in a year!!

Funny how life has a way of changing things up on you. I always envisioned playing makeup and dressup with a little girl someday.

Up till now I was kind of struggling with what to do when my sons ask if they can wear makeup. Now that he digs facepainting, I have a new way to repurpose old makeup.

Next, Lucian is going to paint a snake on my leg while Keagan is napping. I'm so glad he's enjoying this craft. It's great for fine motor skills and creativity.

Do you think the moms of Mötley Crüe members thought the same?

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[Editor's Note: Blogger Mobile FAIL - I tried using the mobile email version of Blogger to post this entry a few days ago and it screwed it up and only posted a portion. Posterous seems to hand mobile blogging via email so much better!]

Sometimes I Think I Would Blog More if I Didn't Have to Come Up with A Fancy Title Each Time

Do you know what I mean?

Blog posts SHOULD have a title.

Emails SHOULD have a subject line.

Neither of them HAVE to, but I'd feel like I didn't brush my teeth after eating tuna fish if I didn't do it.

I think Twitter has spoiled me.

I think Twitter has conditioned me.

I think Twitter and Facebook have programmed me to post in shorter bursts and I like it.

It's like burning your bra.

Sometimes, I cheat on Twitter with Facebook. They say size doesn't matter, but sometimes I just need a few more characters.

What the hell is Twitter? It's still a best-kept secret to many. When people ask, I change the subject and wish my answer could be, "If you have to ask, you wouldn't understand." Reason being, I still believe in "ask three before asking me" in that; if you really want to know about something — go check it out for crying out loud! If you sincerely tried it, you might better understand it.

A lot of things in life are like this when you think about it. We always condemn what we don't understand. I try NOT to do that. I'm not always successful, but I do try. I wish more people would.

I think this might be why Facebook is easier to use than a "traditional" (if there is such a thing by now) blog. I just wish there were less pillow fights, farms, and fishbowls. I suppose it's all relative. People complain that there is no substitution for talking with people face to face, in the flesh. I maintain that time wasted on Farmville would be better spent planing a REAL garden. I don't see how "time wasted" socializing with people all over the world using social networking tools like Skype is wasted at all. I only see what there is to gain. I suppose if you're shooting up heroin, smoking and drinking yourself to death while doing it, then it's a waste. Perhaps you can sell your farm before you OD? I don't know.

I miss "traditional blogging," but many times it feels like no one cares, has time, been there, done that.

I don't like feeling like I've reinvented the wheels I'm spinning.

I do like original thought, but so many of my thoughts right now are fleeting.

My best blog posts, the ones that would get the most traffic, happen while I'm in the shower, on the toilette, driving, nursing, changing diapers, feeding the baby, waiting for the school bus, during sex, while listening to podcasts, while reading other blogs....

wait...

while listening to podcasts?!!!!

err, I mean....no, not during sex. I was just kidding.

I don't have sex, silly.

Well, ok, if I DO start having more sex, it will mean that my husband has read this.

If my husband reads this and I DON'T have more sex, well, then, I guess I'll have twenty more minutes to myself to blog more often.

Think Summer

My family participated in the Fresh Air Fund when I was a little kid and I have some fond memories of it. If you have some extra room in your home and heart, please consider checking out the program.

Here's hoping this gives you some warm thoughts to keep you cozy while digging out of the snow!

Stylin' and Profilin' The Baby Bump

Just so you know, this story does have a happy ending....

It has taken me a long time to finally muster up the courage to ask my husband to take some baby bump photos of me that I would be willing to share with everyone. I'm now 35 weeks along and my belly bump is finally starting to round out more. I don't know why, but for some reason, I just do not like the way my body is shaped for this pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Lucian, I really loved my pregnant body. I still felt I looked more oblong than round, but at least I felt very feminine and beautiful. I just haven't felt that way this time around. I feel more rectangular than round. I have belly bump envy whenever I look at other pregnant women and they have these glorious, basketball-looking bellies that are so plump and round. Every time I look in the mirror, I feel disgusted because I don't look pregnant, I just look heavy. I feel like when I'm out and about, people don't know I'm pregnant unless they watch me waddle. To look at me in the grocery checkout line, I just don't think they see me as pregnant but perhaps a woman who maybe just gave birth or is just overweight. When I was pregnant with Lucian, I got the vibe from people that they all KNEW I was pregnant and everyone would smile at me. I loved that feeling. I don't get that vibe this time around.

Just the other week, we were getting our cars serviced. Nate and the mechanic were engaged in a conversation about kids because Lucian was with us and I think the guy said something to the effect of "is he your only child?" and of course, Nate replied that we were expecting another soon and pointing to me as if to say, um, isn't it obvious my wife is pregnant? The man very politely put his hands up in defense and said "Oh, I never assume that anymore. I got myself into a lot of trouble once because I asked a woman when she was due and she wasn't pregnant. I learned my lesson the hard way and I never assume anymore and just keep my mouth shut." Of course, it's understandable. Who hasn't been in that situation where you want to say something, but just don't because you just never know. Of course I understand and I don't fault the man at all. It just stung a little bit because it was just another reminder that I just look heavy and not OBVIOUSLY pregnant. It just bugged me.

It's Just Bumped Up

What's even more strange is that I haven't gained as much weight with this pregnancy either, so why shouldn't I be happy about that? At my last 34 week checkup, I had only gained 21 pounds total. I am really happy about that, don't get me wrong, but it's a struggle because of the strict diet I am on. Growing up, you're trained to view pregnancy as a time to indulge and NEVER a time to diet. Not for me though, there isn't much wiggle room when you have Gestational Diabetes and severe nerve compression. I think I'm mostly upset because I was ten pounds heavier when I started this pregnancy and I was really, really terrified of gaining more weight on top of that because of the nerve compression in my left leg. I've been really disappointed in myself because I didn't lose more weight before getting pregnant. I really wanted to lose twenty pounds so that when I gained the pregnancy weight, it wouldn't put quite as much pressure on my spine, nerves and joints. That didn't happen and so here I suffer the consequences of chronic pain and discomfort because I failed to reach my goal. I'm also very upset with myself because I have Gestational Diabetes again. I could have potentially avoided it if I had lost the weight I should have. So again, no one else to blame but me. I feel really sad that I could be causing this poor baby health problems because of my lack of responsibility to keep myself healthy. I'll never forget poor little Lucian and all the heel sticks they put him through and how they had to force feed him formula to get his blood sugar up. We had to stay in the hospital for five long days because of his low blood sugar and I feel like it's all my fault. I'm so nervous that this baby will have to endure that same treatment. That's another reason, of many, why I am absolutely dreading the C-section because last time, it slowed down the process of lactation so much that my milk didn't come in for seven days. Had I been able to lactate earlier, I would have been able to get Lucian's blood sugar up faster. I really, really hope it won't be as bad this time around and that I can nurse much earlier since at least I'm more experienced at it. I'm confident in my abilities, but not what all the surgery related drugs in my system will do to my milk production.

I know, I know, I shouldn't beat myself up about it, but it's hard not to. The last trimester is, well, TRYING — and tiring. I'm moody, tired and uncomfortable at 35 weeks. Unless you've been through the torment of pregnancy and delivery that I have, you just wouldn't understand. I try to enjoy pregnancy, I really, really do. I'm just venting hoping it will make me feel better. Writing about it is very cathartic for me. I really do believe that pregnancy is an incredible honor, blessing and privilege and I'm extremely grateful to be pregnant. Despite the excruciating, agonizing pain and discomfort I experienced last time, I was willing to endure it again because I believe the end product of a child is worth the struggle and then some. I'm even willing to do it again. That will really depend, however, on how well I recover from this delivery and IF my husband will ever get me pregnant again. He doesn't want me to be in pain so much to the point where he'd just rather not impregnate me. I can't blame him for being terrified. It's not only the woman who suffers but the man who has to put up with her suffers too! Neither one of us is happy to "put the other through it again" so that's something we'll be struggling with in the future. Nate, as I imagine many men do, feels helpless and extremely frustrated when he can't fix me or make me feel better.

I'm determined and stubborn, it's just that I'm not always quiet about it and I sometimes have to gripe about it to deal with the stress. I can't help but feel envious toward women who can be so active in their pregnancies and immediately afterward. My chronic joint pain and allergies just won't allow me to be as active as I'd like and it's depressing feeling so debilitated at times.

The last time I shared photos I was 23 weeks along and feeling brave because I was in the second trimester and feeling like I had "the glow." So, for the sake of comparison, here I am at 23 weeks.

I am the type of person who tries to find the positive in everything. The silver lining, if you will. After all the griping, I try my best to try to switch gears and look for something to be happy about. Now that you've read all of the negative feelings I've been experiencing, here is something positive. Like I said, I really don't like the way my body looks. Maternity clothing helps to a point, but for the most part, I just haven't found anything that I feel makes me look really nice and pregnant, motherly or feminine.....

Until now.

Maggie Maternity to the Rescue

Thanks to TwitterMoms and their RAMBO alerts, I was awarded the opportunity to blog a review of a maternity dress from Maggie Maternity. I was able to pick the color, size and style so I picked their Summer Sleeveless Maxi Dress. I picked a dress because I've never owned or worn a maternity dress. I normally don't really have many occasions to dress up, but I thought perhaps if I got a dress, maybe we would make an opportunity so I could get all gussied up to feel better. That has still yet to happen, but I have worn this dress to a parent-teacher night at Lucian's preschool so far and then again today to have my photos taken to document the pregnancy. I'm also thinking about wearing it for my upcoming Sprinkle Shower. Another reason I chose the dress is because it's very, very hot in Tucson this time of year and this dress looked like it would be very comfortable in the heat. I was right!

First of all, let me just get the few negative points out of the way. The price of this dress is a bit high-end for my personal budget, but I don't feel it's an unfair price at $75.00 because it's pretty well made and a glorious material. It washes very well and it's simple to hang it to dry. It's probably very affordable for most, but on our modest single income, it just wouldn't be practical for me to spend this much on one piece of clothing that I'll only wear a few times. Perhaps had it been my first pregnancy, knowing for sure I would wear it for another pregnancy later on and with the extra full time paycheck, possibly it could have been affordable. In our current situation though, it just makes sense to buy second-hand for less. Also, when it comes to spending, technology is more of a priority for me than clothing, shoes or makeup. That's just ME. That being said, I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to own a "pricey" new article of maternity clothing. It's a real treat.

The second and last constructive criticism I will give this piece is that I'm a bit disappointed with the bust area. Now, this is not necessarily the fault of the dress-maker because I am large-busted and ALWAYS have trouble with clothing, but I do believe a dress sized at an Extra Large should be equipped with a bit more room in the bust area as women who wear this size do tend to be larger breasted. I probably would have been better fit in a 1X or women's size 16/18 for the cut of the top of this dress. It is really hard to find a bra that will work with this dress because of the way the straps and neckline are shaped. Bras for breasts of my size (currently a 42 DD — and bound to get larger once milk comes in! ugh!) are cut with much larger cups, thicker straps and higher cleavage lines for support. I did manage to find a suitable nursing bra in black with a lower neck line and much thinner straps that wouldn't stick out, but then the sides near the armpit area still showed because of the larger cup size. Also, the stitching under the bust line on this dress could be a little more reinforced due to the weight of the breasts it's meant to support. I found myself tugging a little to get my breasts to fit in the area better and I was afraid of tearing out the stitching. I think if the bust of this style dress could be modified, it would be perfect. As you can see in the photos, my solution was to pair this dress with an unbuttoned blouse to hide the bra from showing. It might even be nice if Maggie Maternity were to design a cute, short-sleeved jacket to go with this dress for those of us with larger arms and bigger bust lines. Those are just my suggestions.

Now, on to the best part.

I have to rave about this dress now and NOT because it was given to me for a review. Honestly, I have to rave because remember all the depressing stuff I wrote about before? When I put this dress on, it really lifts my spirits. All those negative feelings melt away. I feel pretty, feminine and motherly when I wear this dress. The fabric is incredibly soft and keeps me cool and comfortable in the heat. It accentuates my belly bump and makes it look ROUND for a change! I feel like I finally look pregnant while wearing this dress. When I wore it a few weeks ago to our son's parent teacher night at his preschool, I loved the way I looked and felt in it. There was one other pregnant woman there and for the first time I did NOT have belly bump envy!! I actually felt good about the way my belly bump was being "presented" — if you will.

I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else, but that's how I feel when it comes to dressing up my belly bump. Bellies should be worn with pride and up until now, I haven't felt like I could really do that before. So, with the exception of a few enhancements I would make for larger-sized women, I would definitely recommend this maternity dress to others. It gets TheMacMommy stamp of approval :)

Thanks again, Maggie Maternity for helping me to feel good about my new shape!

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Posted via email from TheMacMommy

It's Time to Play Breastfeeding Soap Box!

To play along, first you have to read the title of this blog post with that Muppets Game Show Host character's voice in your head.

Ok. I'm torqued about this conversation stirring over the woman who was fired (in 2005) for taking unauthorized breaks to pump milk. It hits close to home with me because I left my full time job over something similar. While I commend Ms. Allen for making the choice to breastfeed her child, I believe she could have made other choices in addition that would have suited her and her son's needs better rather than causing herself undue turmoil, but hey, we live and we learn, right?

First let me just say that this story has been spun several different ways till Sunday. According to The Columbus Dispatch article, along with some other references with credible citations, the woman was fired for taking unauthorized breaks, NOT for pumping her milk. Let's get the story straight here, folks. Her employer never said she couldn't pump her milk, they did say she would have to do it on their terms at the times they specified and there wasn't any wiggle room.

According to the details of the case (the ones I've read and believe to be cited properly — keep in mind, I wasn't there) — the woman took on a temp job (I remind you this was just a temp job, she wasn't making partner in a law firm) and she negotiated the terms of her employment regarding her needs for taking breaks to pump her breasts during authorized times that were approved by her supervisor. After some time, she discovered (as we all do, because we're freakin humans, not machines) that these break times were not sufficient for her pumping needs.

Duh. I'm sorry, but unless your breasts are bionic, who can pump reasonably within 10 minutes time?

She was not granted any more flexibility when she asked about adjusting her break times.

Ok, real shocker there. This was a production job and she was a temporary employee. Not a whole lot of flexibility for something like this when you're on an assembly line making gloves and umbrellas. So, what did she do, she took unauthorized breaks to pump (read by the employer as "sneaking") and then got caught and penalized for it.

Now, no one should be penalized for draining their painfully engorged breasts just like no one should be penalized for having to drain their bladder. Pumping, however, is not the same as a bathroom break or a smoke break or any type of break. It's really not a break at all. Your body has to work and burn a tremendous amount of calories. It is medically and physically necessary to pump at regular intervals and not every woman can drain her breasts in 10 – 15 minutes, so why anyone thinks they can get away with being told by an employer when they can and can't pump is beyond my understanding. Perhaps it's because pumping and the details of proper breast care and milk management are beyond the scope of most employer's understanding anyhow. After all, it's not really the job of the company to educate themselves on all things health related like pumping breast milk, or insulin injections or blood testing for diabetics, is it? We're talking about personal health management here and there are privacy issues at stake. This means it's up to the individual to manage their own health care needs. Be responsible for yourself.

Sometimes I feel women have been brainwashed over the years to think that we can just do it all and it will all work out perfectly. Just give us a device that replaces a natural function of our bodies and we can do anything we set our minds to. We don't need no stinking ovulation, menstruation, or lactation! What a hassle? As if! Come on, body, I HAVE to go to work, punch in and check out. I have no time for these processes! Imagine all the money we as a nation spend on drying ourselves up with all of these devices, products, drugs and procedures that basically just de-feminize us over time while others spend money on devices, drugs, products and procedures to make the perfect woman plastic, plump and juicy. Just what the hell does it really mean to be a woman anymore if I have to make a choice between denying my body it's natural processes or turn myself into a machine so I can run with the big dawgs?

And then we wonder why marriages fall apart, our children suffer in schools and our health care is failing us.

This coming from a geeky mom who has in fact tried to do it all while pumping. I am Super Lactation Woman, hear me Moooooo! I can leap mountains in a single bound, manage 160 computers on a network at the same time, put out fires, make phone calls, email instructions, fix a problem remotely with a few clicks of the mouse, consult employees, create Excel spreadsheets and print them correctly too — all while attached to my breast pump!! All the while I was doing that, once I got the hang of it, it was great and I was able to pump 20 ounces a day while at work. I was so proud of my little cooler filled with mommy juice and couldn't wait to put it in the fridge all neatly labeled at day care the next morning. That sounds pretty impressive to the working woman and I did feel very accomplished.

However, the whole time I was doing this, my mind was NOT on my precious son. I was mentally distracted trying to cover over the heartache I felt each day I had to leave my baby with strangers so I could go to work. Whenever I took him in to the day care (a room filled with cribs and crying, neglected babies plopped in swings, high chairs, and play pens — in other words, a tiny little prison camp) I would try to nurse him before putting him in his crib to sleep. Then I would dart out so as not to be late to work, imagining my little angel just laying there sleeping the whole 8 to 10 hours while I worked. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing him just laying there crying with no one paying attention to him except for to put out fires like feeding and changing diapers. I also hated the idea of how hard it was for me to pump that precious, liquid white gold only to have some other woman cuddle and feed my son the milk out of my body from a plastic liner and silicone nipple.

It was just all so unnatural, I couldn't stand it!! When I started getting sick and couldn't recover, I knew I was going against the natural grain of things and I had to make changes. My body was literally screaming out to me to stop the madness and succumb to the primal urges of being a mother.

I feel some people lose sight of the fact that draining your breasts while you are lactating is a natural, biological need as well as a health care need which becomes interrupted when you are working and away from your baby. Pumping is a mechanical intervention which attempts to narrow the gap between working mother and child. When you mix working outside the home with lactation, it's often not a good match no matter how hard you try. (Not saying it isn't possible, I know women who have pulled it off very gracefully. I attempted to be one of them.) It just interrupts the natural cycle of biology and primal instincts. When it comes to lactation, there just is no replacement for a real baby just like there is no true replacement for breast milk. Pumping is to proper breast care management as formula is to breast milk replacement. It's a best guess, but it's not the real thing, so you get what you pay for. In the end you do the best with what you have to work with given the circumstances in which you find yourself. Keep in mind that those circumstances are many times within our own control and changes can be made to compensate to get what you need to be healthy. No one said the balancing act would be easy. Nothing is guaranteed. Be careful about expecting entitlement.

I just feel perhaps the mother involved in this court case might not have planned enough for what pumping at work would really entail. How could she? It's not a perfect science where everyone magically knows what to do. It takes practice and coordination. Maybe she didn't educate herself enough beforehand and just thought it was a mechanical process? Maybe she felt too intimidated and under pressure to ask for more than her employer was willing to offer when it came to her health needs? If she really wanted to breastfeed and it was that important to her, I think she should have made her health needs a priority over that particular job. Did she really, really need that temp job to make ends meet? Couldn't she have sought out some type of assistance? Reason I ask these questions is because I find it hard to believe that a temp job had such a high salary that she could justify all of the costs of going to work like childcare, transportation, etc. Maybe she had family helping her with childcare, who knows, but something's gotta give somewhere along the line.

I'm not clear or sure if she was given a warning and did not comply, but either way, she broke the rules that were handed down to her instead of trying to negotiate further or simply bow out and look for another place of employment. That's my beef.

Do I think her employer was right in not allowing her to adjust her pump schedule? I believe the employer made decisions based on the best interest of its company, not the employee. Is there something wrong with that? It depends on the company. No one is forcing you to take a job there. It's a job to make money just like any other. You're there to do a job and get compensated for it. Period. If the job isn't conducive to pumping, then GET ANOTHER (TEMP) JOB, stay at home, or give up breastfeeding.

What frustrates me is that everyone is stressing over this woman who (4 years ago this happened, mind you) was fired for taking unauthorized breaks, not over whether or not this woman made the right choice about taking on this temp job in the first place rather than staying home to breast feed her son OR find another job that was more conducive to breastfeeding. The jobs are out there, not many, but they are out there. You have to look, ask and be diligent. This case was not really about them not allowing her to pump her milk. It was about her not complying with the conditions in which they DID allow her to pump her milk. Like I said, if she felt the terms were insufficient then she should have made a choice of the job over the pumping. It's a sad reality that it comes to that, but that's the way it is. We can not expect employers to make these kinds of adjustments for us. We must be the ones to make the adjustments ourselves. If we keep accepting the fact of having to go to work and not demanding more out of life, then corporations will keep dishing it out and we'll keep eating it. I don't think the answer lies in companies making room for nursing mothers. I feel the answer lies in longer maternity leaves so a woman doesn't have to pump while at work. A woman should be able to take enough time away from working to do what is natural and then return to work when it's more manageable and the child is better equipped to be separated from mom like when they go to school.

Now, I really disagree with part of the court's ruling on whether or not breastfeeding is or is not a condition of pregnancy. According to the court's decision, they say that "... [Allen's] condition of lactating was not a condition relating to pregnancy but rather a condition relating to breastfeeding."

That one really burns me, but I believe it's a separate issue than that of Ms. Allen's not following the rules she was given.

Ok, so let me try and wrap my mind around this one. So, lactation is a "condition" because a woman chooses NOT to take drugs to dry herself out or open herself up to the risks of infection if the milk is left to build up until the lack of supply and demand is enough to stop the process of lactation. I'm really, really pissed at the notion that the courts deem lactation as a "condition" as if it's a bad thing, as if it's like acne or psoriasis that can be "treated" with drugs or other interventions to prevent it from happening. What the firetruck?

The court's decision on this aspect of the case wasn't very well thought out. I mean, I'm no judge, but I have lactated enough to know better than a judge that there is a lack of critical thinking involved here and it is just plain wrong and not factual. I'll be interested to see how that whole ball of wax plays out. While they're at it, I'd really like to know which came first? The chicken or the egg?

Everyone has to make choices that are in their own best interest or in the best interest of someone they care for or manage. The employer and corporation has to make choices that are in the best interest of their ability to make a profit. Otherwise, why be in business if you're not after a profit? Sometimes the choices they make involve sacrificing employees. Everyone is replaceable.

The mom has to make choices that will directly affect the well-being of herself, her children and her family. IN THAT ORDER. Everything else is secondary, especially a job. It costs money to work. It takes sacrifices to go to work. Only you can decide if those extra costs and saccrifices are a better choice for you over staying home and making different kinds of sacrifices in order to do that.

On the other side, for many women, the choice to work over staying home is important and does contribute to the well being of herself, her children and her family because of the long term investment and how it will affect the outcome of her family in the long run. For some women, the short term upbringing time is a time they CAN and/or are willing to sacrifice in order to be a good provider, especially when they are the sole provider. What if you spent your entire life preening your career as a lawyer or teacher? It's hard to step out of those positions. When that's the case, we make the necessary adjustments.

My personal ruling on this whole thing? QUIT THE TEMP JOB. STAY HOME AND DITCH THE PUMP. A temp job is not worth this much aggravation. Choosing to work at this job was an unwise and unhealthy decision for this mother and she should have cut her losses and moved on. Either find a different job or make the sacrifices to stay home and nurse if it was such a priority for her. I'm not saying every woman in this position should or can quit their job to stay home. I'm not saying every mother should be a stay at home mom either. I just think this story got a little twisted out of control and it could have been avoided.

Perhaps she felt like she had no choice but to sneak breaks in order to pump because she couldn't bear the thought of asking supervisors for more time because she felt weak. Again, if that's the case — GET ANOTHER JOB.

Pumping while at work is not easy and especially when you don't work in an environment that is conducive to it. Some women have it made. I've worked at places where they actually had a designated pumping area complete with comfy couch and designated refrigerator! These jobs are out there, but you have to look and ask. If a job does not have these accommodations, it's not their fault, you will have to create an environment yourself — but you will first need to clear it with your supervisor and make your intentions clear.

Before I left on maternity leave with my first son, I had my office and areas all scoped out and set up. I consulted with other co-workers who had done something similar and my working environment was supportive. My co-workers and supervisors were caring, supportive and understanding. Unfortunately, it didn't stay that way. When I came back from maternity leave, 8 short weeks later, I was transfered to another site. After all, Family Leave Act DOES guarantee you'll have a job to come back to, it just might not be the same job or the same place.

BURN.

When I returned to work, I was totally unprepared. I had to start all over again with a whole new staff and surroundings. It SUCKED. I tried to negotiate all sorts of arrangements. I even tried to see if I could be transferred back to my original location. Again, an employer does what it thinks is in its best interest, even at the sacrifice of an employee regardless of the job they are doing. (I was well liked and was told I did a great job.)

Employees are replaceable.

So yeah, I've been there, done that. It's painful to think about what I had to go through to get to where I am today. Think dark storage closet. Bugs. Germs. Pressure. Stress. Mastitis. Infections. Angry co-workers with no sympathy. Angry parents not understanding why my door had to be closed at times. One parent even attempted to insinuate that I might have had students in my office behind closed doors. People are afraid of what they can't see out in the open but for some dumb reason, my administrators thought it better to NOT disclose the real reason why I needed privacy. Yeah, that makes sense. Make a parent worry when all they needed to know was I was providing for my own child.

Ultimately, I quit my job so I could breastfeed. (I didn't get fired, but I was "asked to resign" and I did so happily after the way I was treated.) That's the choice I made and I'm happier for it. Trying to pump at work was a truly awful experience and people were real jerks about it enough times to make it taxing. (and I worked with mostly other women who had children in an education setting so it's not just men who don't understand.) To me, that job was just not worth sacrificing my health, my son's health or any of our happiness. We all must make choices based on our priorities in life. If breastfeeding is a priority for you, like it was for me, and your work environment does not make it comfortable, then you may need to make a choice and compensate for that decision. I personally don't think involving government or even your employer in many situations is going to change anything about the stigma attached to this. It's sad, but a reality. If you really want to breastfeed and be successful at it, then don't work full time unless you have a good working relationship and environment. Trying to force the issue will just stress you out more in the long run.

Whoever says breastfeeding is not essential or necessary, that is an OPINION not based on FACT and it's that attitude that perpetuates the reasons why breastfeeding is not the "norm." For me, it WAS a medical necessity, to pump and not just for 15 mins. either. It disturbs me when people think that pumping should only take 15 minutes to complete. This is just not true for most people whether or not they realize it. You're a human, not a machine for crying out loud. You're not completely draining the breast and getting the hind milk out and it's only going to diminish your supply over time if you follow that course. You must also take into account time to walk to the location and back, set up and clean up time and any interruptions along the way that make it take longer. If you're only taking 15 min breaks to pump, that means you're really only pumping for 10 mins and in lots of cases, that's not nearly enough time to get the job done properly. Why even pump at all?

When I tried to pump at work, I DID work extra time to make up for my breaks, so in the end I was working the same amount of hours as anyone else and then some. However, the time it took out of my day each day kept me from being there when people needed me during normal working hours and that wasn't fair to them either. Towards the end, I was able to work out a better schedule because I was able to pump at my desk while working and had a partition put up for privacy. I arranged it with several co-workers who needed to consult with me during times while I pumped that they could meet with me while I was pumping if they were female (or an understanding male) and weren't squeamish about seeing the tubes hanging out of my shirt. I was completely covered, the only thing they saw were the tubes and machine and so long as they didn't mind, it made it a little easier. This worked well for a little while, but in the end it just wasn't a good enough solution because too many people who were squeamish about the idea complained about my need for privacy and my inability to just get up from my desk and come to them.

It just wasn't a good fit for any of us. I was there to do a job and provide a service for which I was being paid. They needed me to be available and approachable by all, not some. The adjustments I made to try and incorporate my health needs were not good enough. In the end, I made the decision that these employees along with this type of job was just not conducive to my need for breastfeeding. I decided that my son, my happiness and our health mattered more then a job and being accepted by peers. Our family has made many sacrifices, but the best part is we're happy and that's all that matters.

There will be other jobs, but there will never be another chance to breastfeed and bond with my babies. Jobs come and go, really, they do — but babies don't keep. Figure out what you really, and truly NEED to get by in life and compensate accordingly. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. You would be surprised at just how much it really costs overall to work full time. Sometimes I feel we're all just a little bit brainwashed by the Corporate world and the expectations make us lose sight of what really and truly matters. We keep on putting up with it, so it keeps getting dished out. Unless you change this cycle, then you only have yourself to blame. You CAN make adjustments to get what you want out of life and it's not like it's permanent! Government involvement is not the solution. Employer intervention is not the solution. Make a choice and adjust accordingly. If it doesn't work, try something else. Don't expect the world to revolve around you. Carve out your own life and be your own center. The world just might be a better place for it. :)

Dear Family

I'm frustrated. Pissed off. Fed up. I've called my mom and left a message for the last time. I just can't do it anymore. I can not deal with the constant rejection any longer. I've now lost track of just how long it's been since she's called me or written. I'm tired, pregnant, cranky and sick of not getting any feedback. I can not stand the negativity surrounding this pregnancy. This should be a happy time for me. It's not. The lack of relationship with my family is sucking the life out of it for me. I can't stand it.

She's not the only one that's set me off. I don't feel like I have a family anymore when it comes to my side. (Nate's family has been wonderful to me.) I feel like I've been discarded. Written off. It's all MY fault that I live so far away yet they are the ones who encouraged me to broaden my horizons. Now I have, I'm happy and doing well and they still refuse to be happy for me.

No one wants to come visit us here despite the efforts and sacrifices we have made to travel out there and spend quality time. I'm sick of all the excuses. All you need is air fare. We will house you, feed you and transport you. Stop complaining that you can not afford to travel. We somehow manage to do it and we make a lot less than you. We're getting by because we're resourceful and challenge ourselves to be responsible. We choose to prioritize family, relationships and happiness. It's not always easy to do when there is a lack of reciprocation. It just makes it that much harder.

Suck it up.

Get your priorities straightened out, people. You all like to preach about religion and what is right and what is wrong. You're all such perfect Christians yet don't even support your family members let alone friends and neighbors. You'd rather complain about them because it makes you look and feel better about yourself. You complain about our society yet do nothing about it. You're all a bunch of hypocrites who really need to take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself how you can be better and what you need to do about it to be happy. Stop being so effing miserable! It's simply not good for you. You want better health care? Take care of your own health! You want to be happy? Make a choice.

Dear Family,

You know who you are. And if you don't, please take a moment to pull your heads out of your asses long enough to think about whether or not you may be "one of them."

I'm done.

I'm finished calling you. I'm finished writing to you and sending you pictures and trying to keep the lines of communication open to our relationship. It's YOUR turn. I'm waiting, but I won't hold my breath. It's not fair to my immediate family to see me stressed out all the time because you don't call or bother with me. It's not fair to our little boy who doesn't understand why his family doesn't bother with him. He doesn't really know you that well anyhow, so it's no skin off his back — but it really shouldn't be that way. He's THREE and could care less about the cards or money you send him. It's a band-aid, but it's the cheap kind that doesn't stay on very well. Our unborn child might come into this world never getting to know you and that is very, very sad. I hate to admit that I wonder if it's better these kids never get to know you so that they don't have to experience the hurt of being rejected by you like I have.

I call, I write, I blog, I post photos and videos, I network socially. I even have an audio podcast they could subscribe to for free and listen in to what I've been up to — and, God-forbid, MAYBE even learn something? I make myself available.

I AM AVAILABLE FOR COMMENT yet I get none from you.

When I first got involved with social networking, it was with the thought that if I put myself out there, I would be able to communicate more easily with my family — those people whose blood we share running through our veins. Every social networking service I try out, I think about whether or not this could be something my family and close friends could benefit from. I'm always looking for an easier way for them to get in touch with me that won't cost them anything but their time. I long to see photos and videos of THEIR kids and families. They all have digital cameras and cell phones yet don't want to invest the time learning how to use them. Most of them have computers and at least know how to use the internet, so lack of technology on their part is no excuse. They also have cell phones with long distance built into the package so a simple phone call would be nice.

I know phone calls are rough because most times of the year there is a three hour time difference. Anyone knows when you're raising little children, time on the phone is just not something we invest in. I can understand why people don't call anymore because they think I don't want to be bothered. I feel the same way and it's why I don't call much of the time either.

I now have another way for you to call me. I now have a Google Voice number. It means, if you're on your computer reading this, you can click this icon, put in your name and number and call me for free. You can also leave a message for free. You can use the long distance built into your cell phone service to just simply dial the number too. It's 918-246-6669 or just remember 918-24MOMMY.

Electronic forms of communication now allow us to shift time by being able to communicate at times that are convenient for us. In my case, that is everyone else's 3:00 am most times. It's not like I don't have an answering machine though. Voice mail is the same thing. Sometimes I waddle just fast enough to get to the phone when it rings and I actually answer it! It wouldn't hurt to actually try calling me and letting me know when is a good time to call you.

I love to share photos and movie clips. I love to use Skype. (My Skype ID is TheMacMommy) I thought these would be great ways for my friends and family to be able to still see Lucian grow up. Now with another baby on the way, we're much more ready to go with this compared to the time when Lucian was born. If this baby were born today, family members could see him within hours if not over the next few days. Both my parents have computers with Skype. All my grandparents and other family members have to do is to go visit with one of them and arrange for a time to be on the computer at the same time. Why is this so difficult? Why has it not become a priority to make time for this on a regular basis? Why must it be like pulling teeth? If you don't make the time for it, then stop bellyaching over not getting to see your grandchild/nephew/cousin, etc. grow up. My family and I do everything we can to open these lines of communication with you — all you have to do is make yourself available.

I get more feedback from strangers on the internet than I get from my own mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and other relatives. Isn't there something off about that? My "internet family" has been helping me to keep it together and I am eternally grateful for that. I just wish more of my "in real life" family and friends would get involved.

If this message has offended you, then you just might be "one of them."

Make a choice. Do something about that.

Life is just too short.

Love,

Melissa and Family