AMA on Health Care

Just for Laughs

Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on
the President's new health care package ....

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists
advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but
the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a
misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the
Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the
Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The
Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic
Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new Face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the
Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the
Cardiologists didn't have the Heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire
decision up to the Assholes in Washington.

It's Time to Play Breastfeeding Soap Box!

To play along, first you have to read the title of this blog post with that Muppets Game Show Host character's voice in your head.

Ok. I'm torqued about this conversation stirring over the woman who was fired (in 2005) for taking unauthorized breaks to pump milk. It hits close to home with me because I left my full time job over something similar. While I commend Ms. Allen for making the choice to breastfeed her child, I believe she could have made other choices in addition that would have suited her and her son's needs better rather than causing herself undue turmoil, but hey, we live and we learn, right?

First let me just say that this story has been spun several different ways till Sunday. According to The Columbus Dispatch article, along with some other references with credible citations, the woman was fired for taking unauthorized breaks, NOT for pumping her milk. Let's get the story straight here, folks. Her employer never said she couldn't pump her milk, they did say she would have to do it on their terms at the times they specified and there wasn't any wiggle room.

According to the details of the case (the ones I've read and believe to be cited properly — keep in mind, I wasn't there) — the woman took on a temp job (I remind you this was just a temp job, she wasn't making partner in a law firm) and she negotiated the terms of her employment regarding her needs for taking breaks to pump her breasts during authorized times that were approved by her supervisor. After some time, she discovered (as we all do, because we're freakin humans, not machines) that these break times were not sufficient for her pumping needs.

Duh. I'm sorry, but unless your breasts are bionic, who can pump reasonably within 10 minutes time?

She was not granted any more flexibility when she asked about adjusting her break times.

Ok, real shocker there. This was a production job and she was a temporary employee. Not a whole lot of flexibility for something like this when you're on an assembly line making gloves and umbrellas. So, what did she do, she took unauthorized breaks to pump (read by the employer as "sneaking") and then got caught and penalized for it.

Now, no one should be penalized for draining their painfully engorged breasts just like no one should be penalized for having to drain their bladder. Pumping, however, is not the same as a bathroom break or a smoke break or any type of break. It's really not a break at all. Your body has to work and burn a tremendous amount of calories. It is medically and physically necessary to pump at regular intervals and not every woman can drain her breasts in 10 – 15 minutes, so why anyone thinks they can get away with being told by an employer when they can and can't pump is beyond my understanding. Perhaps it's because pumping and the details of proper breast care and milk management are beyond the scope of most employer's understanding anyhow. After all, it's not really the job of the company to educate themselves on all things health related like pumping breast milk, or insulin injections or blood testing for diabetics, is it? We're talking about personal health management here and there are privacy issues at stake. This means it's up to the individual to manage their own health care needs. Be responsible for yourself.

Sometimes I feel women have been brainwashed over the years to think that we can just do it all and it will all work out perfectly. Just give us a device that replaces a natural function of our bodies and we can do anything we set our minds to. We don't need no stinking ovulation, menstruation, or lactation! What a hassle? As if! Come on, body, I HAVE to go to work, punch in and check out. I have no time for these processes! Imagine all the money we as a nation spend on drying ourselves up with all of these devices, products, drugs and procedures that basically just de-feminize us over time while others spend money on devices, drugs, products and procedures to make the perfect woman plastic, plump and juicy. Just what the hell does it really mean to be a woman anymore if I have to make a choice between denying my body it's natural processes or turn myself into a machine so I can run with the big dawgs?

And then we wonder why marriages fall apart, our children suffer in schools and our health care is failing us.

This coming from a geeky mom who has in fact tried to do it all while pumping. I am Super Lactation Woman, hear me Moooooo! I can leap mountains in a single bound, manage 160 computers on a network at the same time, put out fires, make phone calls, email instructions, fix a problem remotely with a few clicks of the mouse, consult employees, create Excel spreadsheets and print them correctly too — all while attached to my breast pump!! All the while I was doing that, once I got the hang of it, it was great and I was able to pump 20 ounces a day while at work. I was so proud of my little cooler filled with mommy juice and couldn't wait to put it in the fridge all neatly labeled at day care the next morning. That sounds pretty impressive to the working woman and I did feel very accomplished.

However, the whole time I was doing this, my mind was NOT on my precious son. I was mentally distracted trying to cover over the heartache I felt each day I had to leave my baby with strangers so I could go to work. Whenever I took him in to the day care (a room filled with cribs and crying, neglected babies plopped in swings, high chairs, and play pens — in other words, a tiny little prison camp) I would try to nurse him before putting him in his crib to sleep. Then I would dart out so as not to be late to work, imagining my little angel just laying there sleeping the whole 8 to 10 hours while I worked. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing him just laying there crying with no one paying attention to him except for to put out fires like feeding and changing diapers. I also hated the idea of how hard it was for me to pump that precious, liquid white gold only to have some other woman cuddle and feed my son the milk out of my body from a plastic liner and silicone nipple.

It was just all so unnatural, I couldn't stand it!! When I started getting sick and couldn't recover, I knew I was going against the natural grain of things and I had to make changes. My body was literally screaming out to me to stop the madness and succumb to the primal urges of being a mother.

I feel some people lose sight of the fact that draining your breasts while you are lactating is a natural, biological need as well as a health care need which becomes interrupted when you are working and away from your baby. Pumping is a mechanical intervention which attempts to narrow the gap between working mother and child. When you mix working outside the home with lactation, it's often not a good match no matter how hard you try. (Not saying it isn't possible, I know women who have pulled it off very gracefully. I attempted to be one of them.) It just interrupts the natural cycle of biology and primal instincts. When it comes to lactation, there just is no replacement for a real baby just like there is no true replacement for breast milk. Pumping is to proper breast care management as formula is to breast milk replacement. It's a best guess, but it's not the real thing, so you get what you pay for. In the end you do the best with what you have to work with given the circumstances in which you find yourself. Keep in mind that those circumstances are many times within our own control and changes can be made to compensate to get what you need to be healthy. No one said the balancing act would be easy. Nothing is guaranteed. Be careful about expecting entitlement.

I just feel perhaps the mother involved in this court case might not have planned enough for what pumping at work would really entail. How could she? It's not a perfect science where everyone magically knows what to do. It takes practice and coordination. Maybe she didn't educate herself enough beforehand and just thought it was a mechanical process? Maybe she felt too intimidated and under pressure to ask for more than her employer was willing to offer when it came to her health needs? If she really wanted to breastfeed and it was that important to her, I think she should have made her health needs a priority over that particular job. Did she really, really need that temp job to make ends meet? Couldn't she have sought out some type of assistance? Reason I ask these questions is because I find it hard to believe that a temp job had such a high salary that she could justify all of the costs of going to work like childcare, transportation, etc. Maybe she had family helping her with childcare, who knows, but something's gotta give somewhere along the line.

I'm not clear or sure if she was given a warning and did not comply, but either way, she broke the rules that were handed down to her instead of trying to negotiate further or simply bow out and look for another place of employment. That's my beef.

Do I think her employer was right in not allowing her to adjust her pump schedule? I believe the employer made decisions based on the best interest of its company, not the employee. Is there something wrong with that? It depends on the company. No one is forcing you to take a job there. It's a job to make money just like any other. You're there to do a job and get compensated for it. Period. If the job isn't conducive to pumping, then GET ANOTHER (TEMP) JOB, stay at home, or give up breastfeeding.

What frustrates me is that everyone is stressing over this woman who (4 years ago this happened, mind you) was fired for taking unauthorized breaks, not over whether or not this woman made the right choice about taking on this temp job in the first place rather than staying home to breast feed her son OR find another job that was more conducive to breastfeeding. The jobs are out there, not many, but they are out there. You have to look, ask and be diligent. This case was not really about them not allowing her to pump her milk. It was about her not complying with the conditions in which they DID allow her to pump her milk. Like I said, if she felt the terms were insufficient then she should have made a choice of the job over the pumping. It's a sad reality that it comes to that, but that's the way it is. We can not expect employers to make these kinds of adjustments for us. We must be the ones to make the adjustments ourselves. If we keep accepting the fact of having to go to work and not demanding more out of life, then corporations will keep dishing it out and we'll keep eating it. I don't think the answer lies in companies making room for nursing mothers. I feel the answer lies in longer maternity leaves so a woman doesn't have to pump while at work. A woman should be able to take enough time away from working to do what is natural and then return to work when it's more manageable and the child is better equipped to be separated from mom like when they go to school.

Now, I really disagree with part of the court's ruling on whether or not breastfeeding is or is not a condition of pregnancy. According to the court's decision, they say that "... [Allen's] condition of lactating was not a condition relating to pregnancy but rather a condition relating to breastfeeding."

That one really burns me, but I believe it's a separate issue than that of Ms. Allen's not following the rules she was given.

Ok, so let me try and wrap my mind around this one. So, lactation is a "condition" because a woman chooses NOT to take drugs to dry herself out or open herself up to the risks of infection if the milk is left to build up until the lack of supply and demand is enough to stop the process of lactation. I'm really, really pissed at the notion that the courts deem lactation as a "condition" as if it's a bad thing, as if it's like acne or psoriasis that can be "treated" with drugs or other interventions to prevent it from happening. What the firetruck?

The court's decision on this aspect of the case wasn't very well thought out. I mean, I'm no judge, but I have lactated enough to know better than a judge that there is a lack of critical thinking involved here and it is just plain wrong and not factual. I'll be interested to see how that whole ball of wax plays out. While they're at it, I'd really like to know which came first? The chicken or the egg?

Everyone has to make choices that are in their own best interest or in the best interest of someone they care for or manage. The employer and corporation has to make choices that are in the best interest of their ability to make a profit. Otherwise, why be in business if you're not after a profit? Sometimes the choices they make involve sacrificing employees. Everyone is replaceable.

The mom has to make choices that will directly affect the well-being of herself, her children and her family. IN THAT ORDER. Everything else is secondary, especially a job. It costs money to work. It takes sacrifices to go to work. Only you can decide if those extra costs and saccrifices are a better choice for you over staying home and making different kinds of sacrifices in order to do that.

On the other side, for many women, the choice to work over staying home is important and does contribute to the well being of herself, her children and her family because of the long term investment and how it will affect the outcome of her family in the long run. For some women, the short term upbringing time is a time they CAN and/or are willing to sacrifice in order to be a good provider, especially when they are the sole provider. What if you spent your entire life preening your career as a lawyer or teacher? It's hard to step out of those positions. When that's the case, we make the necessary adjustments.

My personal ruling on this whole thing? QUIT THE TEMP JOB. STAY HOME AND DITCH THE PUMP. A temp job is not worth this much aggravation. Choosing to work at this job was an unwise and unhealthy decision for this mother and she should have cut her losses and moved on. Either find a different job or make the sacrifices to stay home and nurse if it was such a priority for her. I'm not saying every woman in this position should or can quit their job to stay home. I'm not saying every mother should be a stay at home mom either. I just think this story got a little twisted out of control and it could have been avoided.

Perhaps she felt like she had no choice but to sneak breaks in order to pump because she couldn't bear the thought of asking supervisors for more time because she felt weak. Again, if that's the case — GET ANOTHER JOB.

Pumping while at work is not easy and especially when you don't work in an environment that is conducive to it. Some women have it made. I've worked at places where they actually had a designated pumping area complete with comfy couch and designated refrigerator! These jobs are out there, but you have to look and ask. If a job does not have these accommodations, it's not their fault, you will have to create an environment yourself — but you will first need to clear it with your supervisor and make your intentions clear.

Before I left on maternity leave with my first son, I had my office and areas all scoped out and set up. I consulted with other co-workers who had done something similar and my working environment was supportive. My co-workers and supervisors were caring, supportive and understanding. Unfortunately, it didn't stay that way. When I came back from maternity leave, 8 short weeks later, I was transfered to another site. After all, Family Leave Act DOES guarantee you'll have a job to come back to, it just might not be the same job or the same place.

BURN.

When I returned to work, I was totally unprepared. I had to start all over again with a whole new staff and surroundings. It SUCKED. I tried to negotiate all sorts of arrangements. I even tried to see if I could be transferred back to my original location. Again, an employer does what it thinks is in its best interest, even at the sacrifice of an employee regardless of the job they are doing. (I was well liked and was told I did a great job.)

Employees are replaceable.

So yeah, I've been there, done that. It's painful to think about what I had to go through to get to where I am today. Think dark storage closet. Bugs. Germs. Pressure. Stress. Mastitis. Infections. Angry co-workers with no sympathy. Angry parents not understanding why my door had to be closed at times. One parent even attempted to insinuate that I might have had students in my office behind closed doors. People are afraid of what they can't see out in the open but for some dumb reason, my administrators thought it better to NOT disclose the real reason why I needed privacy. Yeah, that makes sense. Make a parent worry when all they needed to know was I was providing for my own child.

Ultimately, I quit my job so I could breastfeed. (I didn't get fired, but I was "asked to resign" and I did so happily after the way I was treated.) That's the choice I made and I'm happier for it. Trying to pump at work was a truly awful experience and people were real jerks about it enough times to make it taxing. (and I worked with mostly other women who had children in an education setting so it's not just men who don't understand.) To me, that job was just not worth sacrificing my health, my son's health or any of our happiness. We all must make choices based on our priorities in life. If breastfeeding is a priority for you, like it was for me, and your work environment does not make it comfortable, then you may need to make a choice and compensate for that decision. I personally don't think involving government or even your employer in many situations is going to change anything about the stigma attached to this. It's sad, but a reality. If you really want to breastfeed and be successful at it, then don't work full time unless you have a good working relationship and environment. Trying to force the issue will just stress you out more in the long run.

Whoever says breastfeeding is not essential or necessary, that is an OPINION not based on FACT and it's that attitude that perpetuates the reasons why breastfeeding is not the "norm." For me, it WAS a medical necessity, to pump and not just for 15 mins. either. It disturbs me when people think that pumping should only take 15 minutes to complete. This is just not true for most people whether or not they realize it. You're a human, not a machine for crying out loud. You're not completely draining the breast and getting the hind milk out and it's only going to diminish your supply over time if you follow that course. You must also take into account time to walk to the location and back, set up and clean up time and any interruptions along the way that make it take longer. If you're only taking 15 min breaks to pump, that means you're really only pumping for 10 mins and in lots of cases, that's not nearly enough time to get the job done properly. Why even pump at all?

When I tried to pump at work, I DID work extra time to make up for my breaks, so in the end I was working the same amount of hours as anyone else and then some. However, the time it took out of my day each day kept me from being there when people needed me during normal working hours and that wasn't fair to them either. Towards the end, I was able to work out a better schedule because I was able to pump at my desk while working and had a partition put up for privacy. I arranged it with several co-workers who needed to consult with me during times while I pumped that they could meet with me while I was pumping if they were female (or an understanding male) and weren't squeamish about seeing the tubes hanging out of my shirt. I was completely covered, the only thing they saw were the tubes and machine and so long as they didn't mind, it made it a little easier. This worked well for a little while, but in the end it just wasn't a good enough solution because too many people who were squeamish about the idea complained about my need for privacy and my inability to just get up from my desk and come to them.

It just wasn't a good fit for any of us. I was there to do a job and provide a service for which I was being paid. They needed me to be available and approachable by all, not some. The adjustments I made to try and incorporate my health needs were not good enough. In the end, I made the decision that these employees along with this type of job was just not conducive to my need for breastfeeding. I decided that my son, my happiness and our health mattered more then a job and being accepted by peers. Our family has made many sacrifices, but the best part is we're happy and that's all that matters.

There will be other jobs, but there will never be another chance to breastfeed and bond with my babies. Jobs come and go, really, they do — but babies don't keep. Figure out what you really, and truly NEED to get by in life and compensate accordingly. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. You would be surprised at just how much it really costs overall to work full time. Sometimes I feel we're all just a little bit brainwashed by the Corporate world and the expectations make us lose sight of what really and truly matters. We keep on putting up with it, so it keeps getting dished out. Unless you change this cycle, then you only have yourself to blame. You CAN make adjustments to get what you want out of life and it's not like it's permanent! Government involvement is not the solution. Employer intervention is not the solution. Make a choice and adjust accordingly. If it doesn't work, try something else. Don't expect the world to revolve around you. Carve out your own life and be your own center. The world just might be a better place for it. :)

Dear Family

I'm frustrated. Pissed off. Fed up. I've called my mom and left a message for the last time. I just can't do it anymore. I can not deal with the constant rejection any longer. I've now lost track of just how long it's been since she's called me or written. I'm tired, pregnant, cranky and sick of not getting any feedback. I can not stand the negativity surrounding this pregnancy. This should be a happy time for me. It's not. The lack of relationship with my family is sucking the life out of it for me. I can't stand it.

She's not the only one that's set me off. I don't feel like I have a family anymore when it comes to my side. (Nate's family has been wonderful to me.) I feel like I've been discarded. Written off. It's all MY fault that I live so far away yet they are the ones who encouraged me to broaden my horizons. Now I have, I'm happy and doing well and they still refuse to be happy for me.

No one wants to come visit us here despite the efforts and sacrifices we have made to travel out there and spend quality time. I'm sick of all the excuses. All you need is air fare. We will house you, feed you and transport you. Stop complaining that you can not afford to travel. We somehow manage to do it and we make a lot less than you. We're getting by because we're resourceful and challenge ourselves to be responsible. We choose to prioritize family, relationships and happiness. It's not always easy to do when there is a lack of reciprocation. It just makes it that much harder.

Suck it up.

Get your priorities straightened out, people. You all like to preach about religion and what is right and what is wrong. You're all such perfect Christians yet don't even support your family members let alone friends and neighbors. You'd rather complain about them because it makes you look and feel better about yourself. You complain about our society yet do nothing about it. You're all a bunch of hypocrites who really need to take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself how you can be better and what you need to do about it to be happy. Stop being so effing miserable! It's simply not good for you. You want better health care? Take care of your own health! You want to be happy? Make a choice.

Dear Family,

You know who you are. And if you don't, please take a moment to pull your heads out of your asses long enough to think about whether or not you may be "one of them."

I'm done.

I'm finished calling you. I'm finished writing to you and sending you pictures and trying to keep the lines of communication open to our relationship. It's YOUR turn. I'm waiting, but I won't hold my breath. It's not fair to my immediate family to see me stressed out all the time because you don't call or bother with me. It's not fair to our little boy who doesn't understand why his family doesn't bother with him. He doesn't really know you that well anyhow, so it's no skin off his back — but it really shouldn't be that way. He's THREE and could care less about the cards or money you send him. It's a band-aid, but it's the cheap kind that doesn't stay on very well. Our unborn child might come into this world never getting to know you and that is very, very sad. I hate to admit that I wonder if it's better these kids never get to know you so that they don't have to experience the hurt of being rejected by you like I have.

I call, I write, I blog, I post photos and videos, I network socially. I even have an audio podcast they could subscribe to for free and listen in to what I've been up to — and, God-forbid, MAYBE even learn something? I make myself available.

I AM AVAILABLE FOR COMMENT yet I get none from you.

When I first got involved with social networking, it was with the thought that if I put myself out there, I would be able to communicate more easily with my family — those people whose blood we share running through our veins. Every social networking service I try out, I think about whether or not this could be something my family and close friends could benefit from. I'm always looking for an easier way for them to get in touch with me that won't cost them anything but their time. I long to see photos and videos of THEIR kids and families. They all have digital cameras and cell phones yet don't want to invest the time learning how to use them. Most of them have computers and at least know how to use the internet, so lack of technology on their part is no excuse. They also have cell phones with long distance built into the package so a simple phone call would be nice.

I know phone calls are rough because most times of the year there is a three hour time difference. Anyone knows when you're raising little children, time on the phone is just not something we invest in. I can understand why people don't call anymore because they think I don't want to be bothered. I feel the same way and it's why I don't call much of the time either.

I now have another way for you to call me. I now have a Google Voice number. It means, if you're on your computer reading this, you can click this icon, put in your name and number and call me for free. You can also leave a message for free. You can use the long distance built into your cell phone service to just simply dial the number too. It's 918-246-6669 or just remember 918-24MOMMY.

Electronic forms of communication now allow us to shift time by being able to communicate at times that are convenient for us. In my case, that is everyone else's 3:00 am most times. It's not like I don't have an answering machine though. Voice mail is the same thing. Sometimes I waddle just fast enough to get to the phone when it rings and I actually answer it! It wouldn't hurt to actually try calling me and letting me know when is a good time to call you.

I love to share photos and movie clips. I love to use Skype. (My Skype ID is TheMacMommy) I thought these would be great ways for my friends and family to be able to still see Lucian grow up. Now with another baby on the way, we're much more ready to go with this compared to the time when Lucian was born. If this baby were born today, family members could see him within hours if not over the next few days. Both my parents have computers with Skype. All my grandparents and other family members have to do is to go visit with one of them and arrange for a time to be on the computer at the same time. Why is this so difficult? Why has it not become a priority to make time for this on a regular basis? Why must it be like pulling teeth? If you don't make the time for it, then stop bellyaching over not getting to see your grandchild/nephew/cousin, etc. grow up. My family and I do everything we can to open these lines of communication with you — all you have to do is make yourself available.

I get more feedback from strangers on the internet than I get from my own mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and other relatives. Isn't there something off about that? My "internet family" has been helping me to keep it together and I am eternally grateful for that. I just wish more of my "in real life" family and friends would get involved.

If this message has offended you, then you just might be "one of them."

Make a choice. Do something about that.

Life is just too short.

Love,

Melissa and Family

Week 18 - Sonogram Today

Today, later this afternoon, we'll get a sonogram that will hopefully reveal the health and sex of our baby. When I was pregnant with Lucian during this part of the pregnancy, he was not willing to let us know he was a little boy for the 18 week sonogram. So, although I'm extremely excited to try to find out what the baby is, I won't be shocked if it decides to be shy. I'll just be agitated and hope we get another sonogram so we can find out later. I have little patience when it comes to this. I'm just too curious. It's not that I hate surprises — I like surprises if anyone can manage to pull them off — but I'm very, very nosey by nature so it usually doesn't work out.

One of the things I know they are going to be watching for is the baby's size. Lucian was a very large baby. If this baby is growing large quickly, it's going to lessen my chances for attempting a VBAC because my OB doesn't think my pelvic size can pass a large baby. Lucian got stuck and she thinks that may have been the cause. Part of the problem was complicated with Gestational Diabetes. I'm not sure when I have to take another glucose test, but I bet it's coming up soon. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm skeptical that I might have it because some of the symptoms include constant thirst and frequent urination — which I have been experiencing more lately.

It's hard to tell what is pregnancy-related and what is medicine related. I started taking Zoloft about 5 weeks ago to get a jump start on the postpartum depression I experienced last time. My OB suggested I start taking the meds now rather than wait until after delivery. I've always had issues with anxiety and depression so I figured I mind as well try to do something about it now so my kids don't suffer like I did with my own mom. It seems to be helping, but it's so hard to tell.

I went through a rough week a couple of weeks ago when one of my best friends lost her baby pre-term at 20 weeks. It really affected me negatively. I get very emotionally connected to my good friends and when they suffer a loss, I internalize it also. I just really, really hurt for her. It scares me because I just never knew anyone personally who had lost a baby that late in gestation. I know how common miscarriages are in the first trimester, and I kind of accept that, but the second, that really shocked me. It just makes me worry about my own pregnancy a little more than I might have, but I'm trying to relax a little more, especially now that my friend seems to be healing with her loss.

My mom is still not talking to me and that's still very upsetting. I did send her a Mother's day e-card and she acknowledged it to my sister, but she said nothing to me. Basically, I only ever get family updates from my sister now and she tries to be forthcoming and honest even if she knows it will upset me, which I appreciate. I've tried talking to my grandmother about it and she tries to sympathize, but she doesn't really want to get involved because she has her own set of problems with my mom, her daughter.

The female relationships in my family's history are horrible. It goes back as far as my great-great-grandmother. My grandmother's mother died when she was just nine so she was raised by her grandmother and they did not get along at all. My aunt, my grandmother's oldest daughter, left home when she was 16 and they didn't speak for many years. It wasn't until later in life that my aunt and grandmother finally became close again – best friends even. Then she sadly passed away at the young age of 62. My mom and my grandmom barely get along now. They tolerate each other at best. My mom says nasty things about my grandmom and it really makes me mad. I'm really close with my grandmom and I was also close to my aunt. It's mostly my mom that seems to stir the pot, but she'll never admit to that. It's ALWAYS someone else's fault.

Anyhow, had to get that off my chest because it kind of explains why I'm very nervous about finding out if we're having a little girl. I would love to have a daughter, but I'll always be apprehensive about my ability to have a good relationship with her because of my family history. I want to break the negative cycle and I think it's possible because I live out west now, away from the constant negative examples. My mother-in-law and my sister-in-law have a great relationship and I'm hoping it's one I can emulate. I have hope and several friends now have made some encouraging comments and that just helps me even more.

I don't know, I think maybe the Zoloft is helping. I'm hoping it will help with my confidence in helping to raise a little girl if that's the case. I'm not constantly being reduced to a puddle of tears at the oddest of times. I also feel a little more motivated now in the morning to get out of bed and get on with the day. For the past 3 nights, I've actually managed to fall asleep before midnight! Of course, then I wake up at 4 am to pee and then I'm up and can't fall back to sleep. But, things seem to be improving sleep-wise and I surely hope it continues!! I also feel a little less anxiety about leaving the house to do activities with Lucian at public places. I've taken him out on my own a little more and I've been feeling more motivated and confident to take him out in general and get out of the house. Now that he's approaching three, his whole world seems to be opening up to more opportunities and I'm feeling I want to embrace it more and more.

So far, I don't think I've gained any weight. It's hard to tell on my scale at home. According to my scale, I've lost a pound or two. I usually weigh myself in the mornings and my OB appointments are usually in the afternoon once I've eaten AND have a full bladder, so we'll see what happens later today. I'm trying not to be overly concerned about it because I'm really only supposed to gain 15 pounds anyhow. So, if I've made it almost half way in the pregnancy and not gained any weight, that's good I guess.

Truth be told, I am terrified of gaining weight. Reason being, the nerve compression in my leg. The more weight that sits on that nerve, the more painful it gets to the point of excruciating. The only solution for the pain is to lose weight. (I've also read about possible surgery and I may consider that later.) That's not really an option for me right now. I've been disappointed in myself for a long time now because I did not keep the weight off from Lucian's pregnancy. I had lost all the baby weight and then some by the time he was six months old, but it was mostly due to stress and being sick all the time because my immune system was compromised by the C-section. In hindsight, I should never have attempted to go back to work in an elementary school of all places. (Huge petri dish for a work environment, despite how much I loved my job.) When I decided to quit my job and work from home, and he started weaning, it all poured back on plus ten more pounds.

I was trying really hard to lose weight before we got pregnant but my problems with insomnia really made that difficult. Also, the joint and muscle pain with fatigue I experience has limited my ability to exercise. Since almost all my immediate family members have arthritis, I assume I must have some form of it. I've had repetitive stress injury symptoms from the time I was in my early twenties. I should have seen a doctor for all of this before getting pregnant, but I had lots of reservations about seeing a doctor. First being, my insurance plan sucked big time. I'm now getting medical assistance so that is no longer an issue, thank God!

It's no secret that the health care system sucks in this country. It's a never ending cycle. I was paying for insurance – the amount we could barely afford — but the policy really only would have helped me in the case of something really drastic, so I've never even picked out a primary care physician since I've lived here. My OBGYN was really the only provider I've ever needed since living here. I even purchased a maternity rider - thinking I was being the responsible American by paying extra for my insurance so that in the event I'd need another C-section, which I know my chances are high, that I would be covered. Well, turns out I got swindled by an insurance salesman who just told me what I wanted to hear when I thought I was asking all the right questions and doing all the proper research before signing on the dotted line. The maternity rider – that I had paid out several thousand dollars for over the course of almost 2 years – was only worth two thousand dollars and would ONLY cover a NORMAL VAGINAL delivery with NO COMPLICATIONS. Yeah, um, that's not me - I'm complicated. So, I had to scramble for a solution to get medical coverage over fear that the mounting medical bills would send us into bankruptcy.

What complicated things with our prior insurance was the fact that Lucian needs eye surgery. So we're potentially facing TWO surgeries before the end of this year. My C-section with Lucian cost around $40,000 dollars. Yes, that's forty THOUSAND dollars and that was when I had good insurance through my employer. We only paid $350.00 out of pocket to have Lucian at the hospital. So, you can imagine the stress I was under thinking how much it was going to cost us between a C-section and eye surgery with the private insurance that carried a hefty deductible plus 20 percent co-insurance!!

Luckily I was able to get Lucian onto KidsCare for a really low premium each month that doesn't carry a deductible and no co-insurance. It's been a major relief that are health insurance is more manageable and now I don't think I'll be so resistant to see a doctor for reasons other than prenatal care.

I did express my concerns about arthritis to my OB and she said the only thing they can test for and possible try to manage is rheumatoid arthritis. So, I may be getting a blood test for that today. Everything else will pretty much have to wait till after the baby is born and possibly after it weans from breast feeding.

One of my fears about seeing a doctor for my problems was that they might try and put me on a treatment plan with drugs that might compromise my fertility. Approaching "advanced maternal age" is not the time you want to be messing with drugs that could cause infertility when you want to have another baby before it's too late. So, I basically put my health on hold until after we're done having babies which, if this baby is a girl, will likely be soon. If it's a boy, we MIGHT try again for a girl. I just don't know how I'll feel. I love being the mom to a boy. It's great and I'm comfortable with the idea of a house full of boys. I'll just have to wait and see how I feel and if I can get over the feeling of wondering what life would have been like having a daughter.

Nate always teases me that they (the Davis family) come in packages of three. His family history is such that there have consistently been families with children in sets of three and most of them two boys and a girl. So, even if this is a boy we're having now, I wouldn't rule out having another just to see if we continue that trend. We'll just have to wait and see how I recover from the delivery and cross that bridge when we get to it.

More and more, I'm trying to learn to live day by day and not get so wrapped up in planning and worrying so much about the future and things I can not control. It's not easy and I'm not good at it, but I'm trying.

Get Well Steve

Dear Steve,

I heard you were taking some time off to focus on getting well. I think that's a great idea.

A lot of people are concerned about you. A lot of people are pretending to be concerned about you but they're really worried about their stock portfolios. I guess they just don't get it. Perhaps if those people would focus more on their creative portfolios, they would see the fun and greatness in the many Apple products I've enjoyed for the past nineteen years.

I hope you get to spend some quality time with your family. That new face recognition feature in iPhoto looks pretty sweet. I imagine you'll be spending time playing with that during your time off.

I, for one, am confident you're in good hands. It will all iWork out.

Take care,
Melissa Davis
TheMacMommy

A Parody Was The Pill I Needed

Now THIS IS funny. Just what I needed to soothe my pain.
And you know how much I like boob jokes.



I hope we can move past this soon, but not before we learn some important lessons from it all. (And when I say 'we' I really mean 'me' but ya can't blame me for hoping for a larger collective.) I really wish someone would put an end to the original Motrin ad on YouTube. I mean, seriously — why hasn't THAT been pulled? (Just in case it has by the time I publish this post, as of now, it's still being linked to and it's got over one hundred thousand views.) Isn't it illegal to scrape it from the motrin.com site and post it to YouTube? I wish someone would explain to me why this is ok. Isn't it counterproductive for the same people who complained about stopping the original ad campaign to keep linking to it and promoting it? I used to think that there was a simple common goal: to possibly get the original ad removed or revised on the company's website and educate people about the misconstrued facts of babywearing. (The Sept. 30th ad campaign wasn't even popular before this past week but sure is now while it's on YouTube.) I just don't get how that got all messed up. I'm also still peeved about the people who bitched about the ad in the beginning who keep trying to milk it for their own selfish and personal gain. I am no longer linkbaiting anything that drives traffic towards the original ad or the people who stirred the pot and spoiled the stew. I'm even considering removing the links from my original post on the whole thing. I'm just talking about how I've allowed myself to feel about the whole experience and what I'm trying to learn about myself from it.

One annoying thing is that now we've got all sorts of "experts" spewing their psychobabble about the effects of the "mommy mafia" on marketing who then link to the Queenpins which pushes more traffic to their sites. I don't quite yet know just what to make of that whole bag of hurt. Maybe the "marketing analysts" are right. Maybe they're also for hire. It frustrates me though because of the perceived ill threats this poses to moms with blogs and the sincere business efforts they try to achieve through social media on their behalf. I'm attracted to the idea of moms having a say and maybe even getting compensated for their ideas about how marketing could be improved to make advertising more effective. I'm also kind of turned off though when we act like the market owes us something just because we're moms. I joke about it at times when something pisses me off and I feel like I can "threaten to blog about it" but I'm also part Italian and the whole "mafia" thing has always been a tongue in cheek thing with me.

I suppose it's only human for us to always look for some kind of a power trip to makes us feel worthy in situations where we feel our personal beliefs are being threatened. I have to wonder though — are we mommy bloggers (whatever you want to call it or not call it) so desperate for attention these days? The competition is really getting the best of us I think. (Present company included.) I used to think it was a nice community in which to belong. Moms promoting other moms just because we think each other are cool. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Blogging with other moms used to be one big happy lovefest for me. It made me feel giddy and like I belonged to a group who accepted me even when I didn't shave my legs or put on a bra.

I'll be honest, I sometimes felt like I was exploiting the "#motrinmoms" situation by the couple of times I tweeted my blog post link or used the #hashtag to link myself to the conversation stream. I was excited at the prospect of commenting on another's blog to get a linkback in return. Oh the things we do for some traffic or to get noticed. This practice has been bred into us by the mommy bloggers who paved the way before it was a popular idea to have your own blog. They taught us the ways of the modern-day sewing circle. All the stitching of blogs together makes one collective group of moms with common goals and ideas.

My real intention of my original comment on the subject was to speak my mind on something I felt knowledgeable about and to then share that knowledge with others. (ok, this is the last time I'm going to apologize for myself.) But I couldn't leave it at that. I was too proud to let my comment — my content— to sit idle on another's blog who was getting attention. I don't want to just give my ideas away when I've got a stale post on my own blog just hanging there. The thoughts belong to me and I may want to revisit these thoughts in the future when I feel the need for reflection. When I began to copy my own comment and post it on my own blog, I thought about a way to introduce it. Then I thought it was a good opportunity to post on something I was passionate about which also brang back fond memories of my son from before I even had a blog. For so long I had been wanting to post something about my earlier parenting experiences for my son's portion of the "baby log." My blog is mostly about preserving my memories of my life including the people, experiences and philosophies I've had during my lifetime.

I also begin to wonder about this whole blogging for "business" scheme I've been thinking about getting in to. I'm trying to be more careful now. It's hard in this day and age of the modern-day-depression "economic downturn." The pressure to be an entrepreneur and push for self promotion to get by and rise above the competition out there is immense. I wonder if the stress of it all is starting to turn people into something they wouldn't normally be.

The more we dedicate, the more we medicate.
What the hell is in this water we're drinking?
If it is not laced with pride then it is tainted by greed.

All of these experts but no one to self mediate.
Where do we draw the line before blinking?
If we keep on wanting to belong we will always perceive the need.

It's not good enough to just be a stay-at-home-mom and especially when you have already started a career before choosing to stay at home to raise your family. I have found the stress to be overwhelming at times. I feel I still have to prove myself. I have to prove that I'm good for more than just changing diapers and cleaning toilets. Especially, since I have a college degree, I have to prove it to myself that I'm not letting it go to waste. We had to take out a second mortgage on our home to money launder our own debt, the bulk of which was my college loan. I feel so insanely guilty about that and I punish myself by allowing myself very few privileges in life. If I'm not working hard all the time, I don't feel worthy.

Despite the fact that I give great hugs, mend broken hearts, listen to troubles and dry tears, make things by hand and enjoy helping others for nothing in return — I still feel guilty for not doing enough.

You have to prove yourself to stay at home moms if your work out of the house and if you're a stay at home mom you have to prove you're just as active as a mom who works full time AND raises a family. I don't see where there is a win here. I've done BOTH now and BOTH sides have their merits. I decided to stay at home for many reasons. One of which was because the money wasn't enough to keep me slaving away at my previous full time job. I enjoyed the job very, very much, but the expectations and bureaucracy killed it for me. It's hard to say, but I'm inclined to think that a very LARGE amount of money would have been required to keep me punching someone else's clock, even at a job I could stomach. If I were making the equivalent of above and beyond mine and my husband's salary combined, I would have been harder pressed to quit and that's why I can understand the plight of the "working mom." Lucky for me I wasn't so embedded in my job at the time that I felt a sense of obligation to keep it. I knew I was easily replaced — not my efforts or ability — but me as a warm body to fill a slot that wasn't given a whole lot of priority. In other words, in my situation, I feel like I could always go back to a similar job or even a different job and that staying wasn't going to change that fact. After having so many different jobs, it's hard for me to feel any sense of loyalty for any one particular place. Take me or leave me. I'm an outstanding worker and if you compensate me and treat me well, I'll bend over backwards for you. But if you try to micromanage me or cheat me out of my worth, then there are other things I can do.

One skill I have that no one really ever thinks of putting on a job application is the ability to live on unemployment, still pay on my debts and take care of myself. I know how to hunker down and live within my means. I don't mind eating macaroni and cheese with tuna out of a can. I work to make a living doing something that I love. If you expect me to work to live, then I can make working livable, but not lovable or lasting.

I'm frustrated with myself for getting sucked in to what turned Twitter into a major soap opera. I have been trying to take a break from Twitter for the past couple of days now. It hasn't been easy, but I am trying to focus my attention on other things now. I do miss the way it used to feel to me. When people started using it for selfish promotion and to say nasty things to each other, it became tainted. It was like a bar fight broke out and now I'm not sure I want to go back to that bar. I think I've actually reached a point of burnout on it.

A couple of my friends have experienced this burnout too so I know I'm not alone. For me, Twitter is like the Cheers of online networking like AOL chat rooms used to be. Have you ever read the lyrics to the Cheers theme song? No? Well, you're in luck! You know you wanna. AOL chatrooms lost their appeal when the meat market and pr0n spambots took over. I fear Twitter might soon suffer a similar demise, but I really hope not. I know Twitter seems like a really powerful force to be reckoned with and people are claiming that companies will now be shaking in their boots about what affect it will have on marketing, but anything seems powerful enough when you live in a bubble. It's really easy to get sucked in to Twitter like it's your little world. Sometimes that makes it harder to be more objective.

I'll probably get back into it soon, because I still love it for all the great feedback I get when I have a question about something technical or feel like being silly geeky. I also do like to use it as a mini baby log by posting little #hashtagged thoughts about my son throughout the day and archiving the RSS feed on it.

If my blog posts aren't in the form of a personal journal entry to myself or a baby log about my son, they are usually in the form of a review, tip or promotion for something I enjoy and want others to know about. So, I'm going to keep reminding myself that this blog is for ME and these are MY feelings whether I'm right or wrong or just passionate but unsure.

Now, it's time to laugh about it, dammit!
Aaaay! Fuh-gettaboutit! You jes tell em' TheMacMommy told ya – iz all gonna be alright! Oh-KAY? sheesh. Fuh-gettaboutit! You should lissen to your own motherboard. Ya know? Deep down. Be true to yaself. Ay-ite?

O Yes We Can!

Congratulations, United States of America!

It will take some time, but my bootstraps are thick.
Just a couple more months of that miserable old pric killjoy.

Yes we can.
Yes we did.
Yes we will.

And, Yes — I just did.

Why I Do What I Do

Three words: Margaret and Helen.
This is why I love technology and why I love doing what I do for part time work — IT Consulting. I have a small group of clients for whom I provide IT services. These range from supporting a small medical clinic, to teaching classes at a local school district for children and adults, to private citizens seeking some one-on-one in-home training for general or specific tasks.

IT Consulting is a broad term that includes a bunch of things technical, but to me, it means I help ordinary people, both young and wiser than me, with Information Technology. I tell them which button to press or which button to click (because there IS a difference) and how the whosawhatsit and why that thingamajig does that thing with the thing that tells the other thing to dial the phone number, sort of, and connect to that machine over there — through "the air" — even though you can't see it or hear it. If requested, I also attempt to explain, in plain English and with a bunch of metaphors and analogies they can relate to — why. I do this all while speaking clearly, slowly, and repeatedly if needed. (Being from the east, sometimes I tend to talk a little too quickly, but I'm working on this!) Most importantly, I try to be as honest and forthcoming as possible about why tech is what it is. If I don't know an answer, I try my best to find one for them. I show them how to modify the settings on their computers so they can enlarge the type and icons to make it easier to see and navigate. Much of what people learn, retain and produce is dependent on how comfortable they are with the tool they are using for the task.

My goal is to simplify complicated processes in the least amount of clicks.

Lucky for them, I'm just old enough to remember rotary telephones and vinyl records. I even know what a victrola is!
(See, I put a hyperlink there for the really young kids in case they're curious hoping linkbait will get them learned!)

This post was insprired by geechee_girl on twitter who linked to a post on Margaret and Helen's blog. I read it as well as the rest of the entire blog (finally! a blog that's more my speed! LOL). Political arguments aside, I was so enamored with Helen and Margaret that it reminded me why I do what I do and inspired me to write a little bit about it.

It's the individual house calls where I feel the most comfortable and have the most amount of fun. Just like their grandchildren who help them out, I too service "senior netizens" and show them how to use their computers. I've even made a mini-career out of it so far. It's a bit of a niche clientele.

I'm like the "rent-a-grandkid" I suppose. I'm the "kid" who comes over when their own kids or grandkids don't have the patience to teach them what they want to know.

Reading Margaret and Helen's blog was very refreshing to me. To think they are over eighty years young and so willing to emrace this technology known as blogging so they can communicate with one another across the country just warms my heart. What am awesome example of social networking this is. I hope more like them will blog about their opinions and life experiences. I think this country needs more of it at times like this. I think they call it wisdom.

They've actually been there and done that. We just make the T-shirts.

Right now, my clients are mostly interested in learning how to work with digital photos and word processing. They've got E-mail down and are still working on navigating the internet using web browsers and understanding what the individual parts are and do. Most of my clients travel frequently and too busy enjoying their retirement to sit very long in front of a computer, but I plan on introducing them more and more to social media tools and blogging resources like Ning, Alltop, Blogger or WordPress, just to quickly name a few.

I might just even have to introduce them to Margaret and Helen, too!

I got a sticker

Average 1930s Wife

This quiz is effing hilarious!
Reminds me of what life must have been like when Senator McCain got married. And cheated. And then married again. And again. Oh, sorry, which house, oops, I mean wife were we on? I lost count. Sorry.

I'm not sorry that I'm average 1930s wife. I'm shocked I didn't score lower. Maybe the fact that I praise my husband in public makes up for the fact that I don't walk around in stockinged toes and that my seams are never straight.

Take the quiz. See what oppression feels like. Might be fun if you're kinky like that.

52 As a 1930s wife, I am Average Take the test!

Thanks to Krista for pointing me to it.

Girl Effect

A noun. A verb. Words meet people. People meet actions. Actions make change. Change affects us. Will you be affected? Will you make change happen?

I helped. I shared. I may do more but I will not do less.

Butterfly kisses to you.

Thank You, Captain Obvious

Oh yeah, why didn't we think of that?
I like it, I hope it works out. At least I have hope.

de Composition

Science Teachers are in Demand.
You Could Have Fooled Me.
My husband is a Science Teacher. He teaches high school physics as well as integrated science. He loves what he does, has a passion for doing it and I really admire him for it. I just wish he could do his job and be free to focus on being his best so he could be happy along with it. Being his best is what makes him happy and when he's happy he can be his best. Is that too much to ask?

Unfortunately, life in our home is becoming more and more like the latest lab project: simulation of a landfill decomposition.

I hear a lot of crap about public schools lately and it aggravates me. I am not against home schooling or private schools either. I feel that parents should do what they feel is right for THEIR children. Period. If you want to home school your child, do it. If you want to send your child to private school, do it. Find a way to make it work. Work WITH your children whatever you decide, that is the most important part. So long as your child can become a productive part of society, you're contributing to a greater good. The parents really are in charge when it comes to the education of their children. I wonder how many parents know that. They have the right to say no and ask for more and to make change. (Both the verb and the noun.)

I know that's easy for me to say, my kid isn't even 2 yet, but I have worked inside of the public school system. I've been a student. I've been an instructor. I've been support staff. I've attended public school. My siblings have attended private school. I've attended vocational school. I've attended university. I've served on a curriculum board. I'm married to it no matter which way I turn. I consider myself to be an educated parent and I will use that one day when the time comes for my son to go to school. The plan is to stay involved.

The bottom line is that everyone tries to do their very best when it comes to providing a quality education. You have to know that people who serve in the field of education, any type — public, private, home school — they don't do it for the money! They do it for the passion of educating – to say the least. When I say they though, I am referring to the people in the trenches. The people who are not looking at the numbers and the money and the test scores and the reputation. Those people do it for different reasons and I have a hard time believing it's for the passion and the cause. They do not serve, they manage. Mange to get by is sometimes how it seems. For starters, their pay checks are a lot larger. Their perks and benefits are more bountiful. But they stand a lot to lose if they don't mind their Ps and Qs. Many of them walk away sooner than later and the mess accumulates.

Are you still with me on the landfill analogy?

I'm getting sick and tired of the blame being thrown at the teachers and the support staff. When are people going to look at the administrators and higher-ups a little more closely and hold THEM accountable for the decisions made? It's not just the TEACHERS who have to jump through hoops set ablaze with fire each and every time. We all know how this affects the students, the main cause for the concern, but not many stop to consider the families of the teachers that poor management decisions affect.

Burning Ring of Fire
[To the Administrators and People in the Decision Making Position:] When you ask a teacher to jump through a hoop, you are also asking his/her class and students jump too. When you ask a teacher to jump through a hoop, you are also asking his/her family jump too. Do you consider the full range of consequences for all involved when you create these rules and mandates? In whose best interest is it really? Where are the measurable goals?

I find myself questioning this often. Like this landfill decomposition experiment, I wonder if we will watch some pieces break down into nothing while some just remain the same.

I'm Proud to be Married to a Teacher, but...
Since my husband is a Science Teacher in the state of AZ, the wonderful law known as 'No Child Gets Ahead' mandates that he has to take 12 credits of Life Sciences so he can teach 'integrated' science to 9th graders and be considered 'Highly Qualified.' This is the state of Arizona's interpretation of the law I might add. Never mind the fact that he is able to complete and satisfy the worksheet known as 'HOUSSE' handed down by the state. Never mind the fact that he has already passed a test they recommended he take (and pay for out of pocket) (with flying colors) that was supposed to have proven his 'Highly Qualified' status — and later was decided it did not. Never mind the fact that his transcripts list above and beyond what is needed in credits for a bachelors degree to be able to teach college preparatory physics to high school students. And, this mind you, is just for one of the bachelors degrees he holds – with honors, I might add. Never mind that he was hired first and foremost as a Physics Teacher and is now required to teach outside of his area of concentration.

Multiple Choice

• Is this his fault? No.
• Does he want to keep his job? Yes.
• Is this a threat? We wonder.
• Why is it so hard to find and keep good teachers, let alone Science Teachers? See above.

Even though he is good enough on paper and in black and white, pen and ink and number two pencil, it is not good enough for someone and I've lost track of who exactly. The school's CYA file, I believe.

Ok, so I'm not trying to brag about my husband's accomplishments, but I am proud of him and will shout if from the mountain tops. Someone has to. If I don't, who will?

I might also add that they don't even care to specify the courses he has to take. All they want are for the credits to appear on his official transcript. They don't care so long as he gets a C average and the courses are within the area of Life Sciences. Plus, he has to complete it within a set amount of time on top of teaching his normal course load full time. He's now grading homework on top of doing homework.

We're all for professional development to make sure all teachers are at the top of their game, but this is not helping anyone. It's satisfying some draconian mandate and that's all.

Where is the Return on Investment?
So why am I the one whining about this? I'm just the wife, right? Wrong. I'm the other half of this business venture. It's our bank account that the money has to come from to pay for the 12 credit courses he has to take. Yes, it comes out of OUR pockets, not the school or the state who requires it. That means a larger strain on the one income we are surviving on. Can it be reabsorbed by the umbrella of 'professional development?' Sure. Over time. But who knows what additional expenses will be required. We have no way of knowing for sure if this will be an ROI. There is no measurement in place in order to be able to answer that conclusively. What other occupations require you to spend money to better yourself and then turn around and tell you it's still not good enough?

If I didn't know better, I'd say that the teaching profession appears to be one of the biggest codependent relationships that is continuously exploited at everyone's cost and for no one's perceived benefit.

I also whine because this additional strain in work load not only means less father-son time, but it also means reduced wages for me. That can't be good. Since he's been taking these courses, currently 2 at a time, he isn't as available to help care for our son so I can leave the house more often and go make some money. That makes me a little cranky. I like a break once in a while and I like to make money while I'm on my break. Day care is so expensive that it just doesn't make sense for me to work full time especially for the peanut shells I was making when I did full time in the education services field. One of us doing it full time is bad enough!

On top of the assignments he brings home to grade, he now has his own assignments and labs. So, I chip in where I can getting supplies ready, counting beans, digging dirt, building a simulated landfill in a soda bottle. I can't wait till we get to grow some Sea Monkeys! Yeah, like we don't have better things to do.

All I can say, is just like a landfill, it's beginning to stink. We'll have to find some way to work through this together and find some better solutions to deal with the crap that keeps piling up on us. I know we will (be cliché) and rise above it. We will strive to be a part of the solution and not the problem. It will not be easy, but we can not let it bury and dissolve our passions.

I have hope that we can make change — the one that is the verb. Although, the noun would be really, really nice too!