Cool Mother's Day Video to Share

This link plays the video. Check it out and send one to another Mom.

http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/index.html?first=Melissa&last=Davis&mr=1&nid=UAJYvZqiHCbUqtRAr7.ZPzI1NjEw

You can create a video for another Mom by clicking here: http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/index2.html

Thanks to the Moms over at MomsRising.org it really brightened my day!

Getting and Staying Organized on Your Mac

Hand-Made Mac Tip No. 11
Organization on the Mac – Just a Few Tips

I've been given a challenge! I've been asked to share some tips on organizing things on a Mac. Whoa! How do I love thee topic, let me count the ways!! I can't tell you how many times I have helped clients learn how to free themselves of clutter on their desktops, so I thought it best if I just blog about it and hope I can help even more Mac users learn how to be more productive with their computers. I mean, you did purchase a computer to do some of the thinking for you, right? So, make your computer do what it was built to do: compute! oh, and scrapbook and crop photos and organize addresses in alphabetical order, and print labels, word process, design, make movies and, and, and....stop fussing with it already! Clean it up and let it do it's job so you can enjoy the results!

@littlebytesnews put me up to the challenge of answering a question for @JessicaKnows. In her post, "Setting Up the MacBook Air: Personalizing it for Productivity," Jessica asks her community for pointers to resources for being organized and more productive on a Mac. Well, Jessica, this Hand-Made Mac Tip is for you!

Keep in mind, this is coming from a Mom, so it's a bit of a "go clean your room!" kind of tone — which, let's face it, many of us need a little pep-talk about organization and productivity from time to time — so here goes! (and by the way, I'm not assuming that Jessica is like other Mac users I've helped, so this is a general-applies to anyone-something you should consider set of recommendations. For all I know, Jessica is a nutty clean freak like me and knows all of this stuff already!)

Clear off your Desktop and KEEP it that way!

I mean EVERYTHING. I'm serious about this. Do it!! Not even your Hard Drive icon. So many people are so shocked by this. YOU DO NOT NEED TO KEEP YOUR HARD DRIVE ICON ON YOUR DESKTOP!! The "Macintosh HD" desktop icon is from the old days of OS 9 before the Finder existed and users had to double-click on that icon to access their files.

Only use your Desktop for emergencies – like files or folders that must be dealt with right away but make a promise to yourself that you won't allow them to stay there for more than a day or two. It will force you to deal with it and keep things neat and tidy. (I know, but isn't everything a deal-with-it-right-away file?)

To start getting organized, create a new folder inside your Documents folder and call it Desktop Stuff. Then select all of the files on your desktop and put them in that folder and work from within THAT folder and put files where they need to go.

Explore Spaces.

Before I continue on with more Finder tips, I also want to share an valuable tip for those of you using Leopard 10.5x. If you're a twitter addict like me, you know that twitter can sometimes hamper productivity. Give twitter its own SPACE! Use the Spaces application and assign your twitter application of choice to a space and then also assign a key combo to it so you can quickly toggle that space on or off. For example, I have my twitter application (trying out a few right at the moment to say which just yet) assigned to Space 2 and then I have command-arrow (doesn't matter which) mapped to that space. Now whenever I want to indulge in twitter, I just press command-arrow to the right on my keyboard and then again to move it completely out of sight, out of mind! (ok, well, never out of mind, really, but at least not an obvious distraction while not in front of me!)

I also have Exposé mapped to command F11 and so I can easily move items from space to space. I've been using this method for so long now that it's embedded in my muscle memory and I don't have to look at the keys to swipe twitter off the screen or move another "bothersome" habit to another space.

I hope you try this out. It took me a long time to embrace it but once I did, I wasn't sorry.

Get with the times. Use the Finder!

No, not in the upper left corner, down on the Dock — that trusty little smiley face that is ALWAYS there for you! The Finder application always gets overlooked because the beloved hard drive icon is still so prominent and ingrained in everyone's muscle memory. People still decorate it by changing the name to something unique and giving it a special icon. I say, why double click on another piece of Desktop "schtuff" that really doesn't need to be there when you can single click on the Dock that is always there by default!

Even though I don't keep my hard drive icon on my Desktop, I still rename my hard drive and give it a special icon because I manage several computers on a network here in our home so our computers are named "Mommy, Daddy and Lucian." (Depending on how you access multiple computers on a network, sometimes it's nice to see the different icons show up.) But see, now with another baby on the way, I'll eventually have to rename "Lucian's" computer because it will some day be shared so maybe it will be called "Kids" or something like that. Moral of the story is, if you're going to get fancy, make a decision about the name when you first set up your computer and stick with it. Changing the name later could cause undesirable consequences down the road because of bad mapping. Also, don't use special characters like ampersands and God-forbid slashes. Avoid bad juju.

I can not tell you how many times I have given tech support to someone and discovered their "Macintosh HD" is actually now called ";;;;;;;;kdfk;lsdrkjhfg" because a kid or a cat got access to the keyboard and started pressing buttons. It happens and it can happen to you— the most careful of all people. Eliminate the liability by hiding the hard drive icon from the Desktop. I promise, you're not deleting your hard drive! It's just an interface change, that is all. Your hard drive is still there. You can still see it in the Sidebar.

Go to Finder/Preferences (this time you do click on the word Finder in the Menu Bar at the top of the screen.) Under the General tab, uncheck all things that normally show on the desktop - turn them off. Train yourself to use the Finder icon in the Dock to navigate to all places. The new Finder Window will have everything you need at just one click if you customize your Sidebar and organize it well. You do not need have to access your "Macintosh HD" icon unless you know what you're looking for at the root level. That's another reason why I encourage people to ditch the double click of the HD icon. It's too tempting to store files at that root level when they don't belong there.

May the Force Finder be with you.

By using the Finder as the app it truly is — an application you use to find or navigate to items on your computer's hard drive — you will truly begin to understand the system of hierarchy and better organization — and with that — computer zen!

Navigate to all items for which you are looking for using a Finder window. A Finder window is a lot like a spreadsheet with sortable columns. You can view items in alphabetical order, by date, size, etc. Poke around in the columns at the top and try clicking on them. Most of the time you'll want to keep it organized by alphabetical order, but there are some times where you want to view it by date.

If you can't read the entire line because it's truncated, put your pointer on the line that separates each column, click and drag out to the right to expand once you see the pointer arrow change to a line with arrows on each side. It takes some finesse but you'll get used to it.

Check out the Preferences available in the Finder application (from the Finder Menu at the top) and click on those different icons to see what they do. Enlarge the icons and text size to make it easier on your eyes to avoid computer screen strain. The Finder Preferences should be one of the VERY FIRST areas you explore when trying to organize a new computer or re-organize an old one. Unfortunately, the Finder is always so overlooked because we take it for granted and don't treat it like the built-in productivity application that it truly is.

Customize the Toolbar at the top of Finder windows.

This is one of the most neglected areas of your new-found productivity application within the Finder. Most people just accept the default set of buttons but I say — don't just settle! Get more buttons! Simply click on the Finder in the Dock to open a new window, then select the View menu from the Menu Bar at the top and then choose Customize Toolbar. You'll be presented with a drop-down sheet from which you can pick by clicking and dragging from a selection of buttons to add to or remove from your tool bar. The first things I always add are the "new folder" and "delete" buttons.

Use the Home folders for their intended purposes – keep your Home tidy.

Keep only Applications in the Applications Folder. Keep or file photos in the Pictures folder. Put movies into the Movies Folder. (There are reasons, i.e. Front Row app, for why these specific folders have been called out inside the Home folder, so don't mess with that juju.) You'll know you're in the Home folder because it's a folder with a house icon and it's the same as your user name on your computer.

File EVERYTHING in separate subfolders inside the Documents folder and KEEP IT THAT WAY. It takes discipline, but you too can achieve this zen so that each time you sit at your computer you are only a few clicks away from everything. Anything else is searchable by Spotlight so no worries. Do not file anything inside of any of the other folders inside of your Home folder except for Documents, Downloads, Pictures, Movies, and Music. Be sure that those folders just mentioned are accessible from your Sidebar in the Finder window.

The Sidebar is your new friend!

You can drag and position a folder alias onto the Sidebar of a Finder window just like you do in the Dock by dragging the icon over and dropping it into a space (as opposed to on top of another folder – be careful not to do that!!) Just like in the Dock, you can re-order the folders into the order in which you access them the most.

Create subfolders inside of the Documents folder and file everything in there, every time. For those folders you need access to the most, just drag that folder icon from inside the Documents folder out to the Sidebar. You're not physically moving the folder, you're just creating a shortcut to that folder in the Sidebar. (Remember aliases on the Desktop? I think this is similar to "pinning" something to the Start menu for PC users who may have switched.) For example, I have a subfolder called Projects. Inside of that folder I have more folders, like a folder called "TheMacMommy" where I store artwork and ideas. Since these folders are nested deeper in the hierarchy, I just simply drag the particular folder icon out to my Sidebar and now each of these areas are just 2 clicks away. One click on the Finder icon in the Dock and one click on the folder icon in the Sidebar.

Use colored Labels and fancy icons if it helps you stay focused, but try your best to work with just the Documents folder for everything. There really is no need for you to access many of the other areas because they are mainly just access points for other applications. For example, if you use iPhoto to manage all of your photos, then the only thing inside that folder is your iPhoto Library and you wouldn't even need to keep it on your Sidebar unless you plan to manage at least some photos manually.

I use a screen shot application (I love) called Skitch and that application creates and manages a folder called Skitch inside of the Pictures folder. Same goes for the Photo Booth application. There are folders that live in there that belong to those applications.

Prefer the Downloads Folder to keep your Desktop clean.

Tell your Mail.app and Browser, i.e. Firefox, Safari - whatever you prefer, to put all Downloads into the Downloads folder. Just launch the application, go to the Preferences menu from the Menu Bar and look for the place to specify where you want downloads to go.
Downloads are the fastest way to junk up your Desktop so why not tell the apps to do the work of filing for you? Keep the Downloads folder handy in your Sidebar and then file from that Downloads folder to the appropriate subfolder inside of the Documents folder accordingly.

Organize your Dock.

Get rid of application shortcuts you never use. Just drag them out of the Dock till they go "poof!" Put the icons in the order that you're most comfortable with. I like to keep my Dock icons organized by category for the most part. Where you put your Dock icons is important because you will develop a muscle memory around the placement.

For the longest time, I tried keeping my twitter client over to the left near the other "communication" icons like Mail, Address Book, iChat, etc. Finally, I stopped fighting my natural tendency to mouse around near the right side of the Dock for my twitter fix interaction so I just moved the icon over there and that feels comfortable to me.

Find your built-in productivity tool.

As you can see, the productivity tool of choice that I am recommending here is already built in — the Finder. Make the Finder more productive by using the buttons, sorting, one-click access, Sidebar, search window, labeling, disk burn, etc. It's all right there at your finger tips and totally customizable for your needs.

I hope these basic tips have helped and maybe provide some new-found gems within the OS X user interface we've come to know and love. Of course, there are so many more, but these are the things that I've managed to eek out of my "pregnancy brain" at the moment. I know I'll think of more as soon as I press publish, but that's what these Hand-Made Mac Tips are for!

Enjoy being Organized!

Guest Co-Host on Tech Moms Talk

I was a guest co-host for tonight's episode of Tech Moms Talk over on BlogTalk Radio. It was a lot of fun filling in for Lucretia Pruitt @GeekMommy and chatting with Monica Brady @MommyBrain about kids, technology, education, online safety, and our roles as geek parents. You can hear the audio using the embedded player on this post. Here is the link to tonight's Tech Moms Talk Show where you can listen, download or subscribe in iTunes. Tune in to Tech Moms Talk live every Tuesday Evening at 6:30PM PT / 9:30PM ET

TheMacMommy's Learning Links – where you can find links we mentioned in the show plus a whole lot more!

TumbleBooks

Starfall

AlphaBaby

Sesame Workshop

Zoopz

The Story of Stuff

Quick!

Think of a task that will take you 20 minutes to complete.

Now think of a task that will take you 20 minutes to complete that you don't really want to do right now.

Got one?

Good.

Now watch this video. It's important.

Visit www.storyofstuff.com to watch the video in its entirety.

If you don't have 20 minutes right now, just watch this preview and let it stew a little.

Notebook Challenge

This is too awesome. I had to share it. Blew my mind and I love that!

This is probably the best application of the Windows OS I've ever seen.

Looking forward to checking out more of Evelien Lohbeck's work online. Very creative. I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have.

The Ultimate Chimera

Dear Parents,

Please tell me that your child too has a word or words they have made up that you have no earthly clue what it is or means.

Nate and I are going out of our minds trying to figure out this one word Lucian has made up. Some time ago, it took us about three months to figure out what "do me" meant. At least, that's what it sounded like when he was saying it. Finally, Nate figured out that what Lucian was trying to say was "Excuse me."

Duh!

His new word is "dumonoksox" and we are going nucking futs trying to figure out what it is or even how to spell it. Nate and I both have tried tricking him into showing us "dumonoksox" or asking what color it is. No dice. He foils us every time.

Daddy: "Lucian, where is "dumonoksox?"

Lucian: "It's in the bedroom."

Daddy: "Where, show me, let's go look!"

Lucian: "It's on the table!"

Daddy: "Darn! I almost had it!"

Lucian sings songs about "dumonoksox." He uses it in sentences. He butters his bread with it. (just kidding)

We have no clue.

Nate suggested I blog about this, so I did. He came up with the title, of course.

Maybe I'll press publish and someday we'll find out what or who "dumonoksox" is.

We can only hope. Maybe it's related to the Jersey Devil. Who knows!

It Just Had To Be Done

I just had to share this. I love detail-oriented people who pay attention.

http://macnutsandbolts.com/admin/lauren/

Week 11 Rantings

Warning: this is a rant and a journal entry. I swear and complain a lot. And, I'm tired of defending myself for it.

I KNOW I'm supposed to be happy about being pregnant and really, I am happy about being pregnant. I've loved this baby before we even conceived it. We worked pretty hard to get this far. (Shut up! That pun was not intended.)

What I'm not happy about is the circumstances surrounding this pregnancy. Right now it feels like I'm the only one who loves this baby and is happy about it. I feel like the buffer surrounding me right now is just filled with negativity. Now, I know that isn't true – I know people are extremely happy for us – I just can't help how I FEEL is different from what I KNOW.

Blame it on the bad economy. Blame it on planetary alignment. It's not you, it's me.

It really helped when I went public with my pregnancy. All the well-wishing that poured in was uplifting. I guess I just wish I could get that kind of support from my immediate family. (Namely my mother, who has not spoken to me in about two months now – which is probably the crux of the problem here.) (and I don't even want to go into detail about that right now. I did something wrong, she did something wrong. She said/she said. She won't let it go. I don't have a choice now.) I still can't help thinking there is something about the second baby just being so lackluster compared to the first. I don't know how to deal with that yet.

Of course, I know my husband feels happy about the baby, but you know how it is for men – it takes a while until they can really emotionally connect. Sometimes it doesn't even happen until they get to hold the baby for the first time. I don't hold it against him. He can't help it and I can't help feeling frustrated wishing there was a way he could connect better. Right now he is more focused on keeping Lucian out of my hair during the weekends so I can catch up on rest. (I consider myself very lucky indeed.)

One problem I'm having is trying to bond with this pregnancy. It's only 11 weeks. Something could still go wrong. Aside from the normal moodiness, lack of energy, breast tenderness and nausea, I still don't feel pregnant and have a hard time accepting that someday we'll have another family member here in our little home. As if all those symptoms aren't enough, I can't help feeling I'd like more feedback from the baby. Ugh! I'm so impatient!

Why didn't God build us with a little porthole we could look in on? Why? Is that asking too much? Come on!

I keep wanting to put the bassinet together and start going through the baby clothing and getting organized, but it's way too soon for nesting. I'm terrified I'll put lots of energy into all that and then something terrible will happen and it will make things worse. Those thoughts are so disturbing to me now. I've read it's normal to think those things, but that doesn't make it any easier. I keep thinking if I can just get through these next few weeks and hear the baby's heartbeat for reassurance, I can invest more of a connection to it.

I'm really frustrated and depressed about a lot of things right now. It's mostly the uncertainty that gets to me. I'm a control freak so uncertainty is a bad thing for me. Not feeling in control really pisses me off. I feel very sad and scared thinking about how this baby might be born. I'm terrified and still traumatized since my first delivery experience. It's hard to explain and unless you've had a long labor that ended in emergency C-section, you just wouldn't understand.

Being told by the OB that she's strongly recommending another C-section is not helping me. I know we have time and I've advocated against it, but still, I'm not feeling very confident right now like I thought I would since it's my second time. I felt like a failure the first time around and now I already feel like a failure not even being given the option to use my vagina to give birth like it was meant to be. I don't want to go through life never knowing what it's like to birth a baby.

I'm considering asking for a different doctor, but I just don't know how to go about doing it. How can I tell a different doctor won't tell me the same thing?

To me, I still can not say with confidence that I "gave birth." To ME, I had an operation and my baby was cut out of me. I was stripped naked, strapped to a table, arms restrained, in a cold room, cut open (and could feel it all). They cut the baby out and shoved him in front of my face for 3 seconds. All I could see was his nose poking out. Hubby and baby were whisked out of the room, leaving me abandoned with a bunch of strangers so the surgical team could finish putting my organs back in and sew me up.

While I was getting put back together (physically, at the very least) EVERYONE else back in the delivery room (6 friends and family) got to bask in the glory of holding and bonding with the little person I was so anxious to meet. MY SON. I got no skin contact with him for close to an hour. He was all wrapped up so tightly I don't even remember getting to count his toes or interact with him much at all. I couldn't even hold him because of the after effects of the surgery. I had the shakes and was nauseous. Right away, the nurses tried to assist us in nursing. Right away, I was the meal ticket – no, hi, hello, how are ya – just, here, put your boob in his mouth and try to feed him. (Never mind that it took another 7 days for my milk to come in directly followed by mastitis – no doubt a result of the drugs and surgery stripping my immune system.) That's my memory of it. Not saying that's what actually happened, but that's how I remember it. My brain has protected me just enough to allow me the bravery to get pregnant again, but let me tell ya – I think it took Nate and I a few months to get pregnant just because we were both still terrified. There were times I looked at my ovulation calendar and just plain chickened out or was relieved when either of us got sick and didn't feel like it.

Birth was not romantic or organic and I wished I had never thought it would be.

I'll never regret the bonding that took place between Nate and our son and of course I was not envious of his experience at all. I was extremely grateful for it. Other men would be envious of my husband's bonding experience and I'm proud of him for being SuperDad and SuperHubby simultaneously. (And when I said MY SON, I mean OUR son, but for that traumatic and physical moment where the baby and I were separated and the pregnancy ended, that was MY physical moment between myself and the baby that grew inside of MY body.) I also was grateful for all the family and friends that were present and their tremendous support. I would not have changed having them all there for the birth. However, I learned the hard way, that as far as the bonding experience right after the baby is born, that part should be private and intimate with the parents and baby – not the entire entourage and team. It was the first experience of this kind for almost everyone present, so no one really knew what would have been best. I don't regret them being there, I just wished I could have had some private time is all. Just a pause would have been nice. Private moments with just the two of us and our new baby just didn't seem to happen for days. That's something I'd like to change this time around.

I have massive delivery envy now. I am jealous of everyone who can give birth the way it was intended to happen. I cry and then get mad at myself because my bitterness gets in the way of being happy for people and the true joy, blessing and privilege it is to have a live and healthy baby no matter how it gets here. I really hope I can get over that some day. I wish I didn't think that a vaginal birth for me is the cure.

I don't think I'll ever watch any of those baby story shows on TV. I just can't handle it. They romanticize it too much. I fell so hard for it last time. All I could dream about was pushing the baby out and being able to hold it right away, skin to skin on my bare chest – just like I had seen and been told about. I wouldn't care how gross and messy it would have been. I read and heard stories of women being able to reach down and help pull the baby out. I really wanted to try that. I wanted to give birth in the water. I wanted, I wanted, I wanted – too much to be like the women who had given birth before me and told me how romantic it was despite all the pain and agony. I raised my expectations so high that I never prepared myself mentally for a cesarian section. I was too terrified to go there in my mind and now I know why.

Back in the fifties, they put some women to sleep and then they woke up later and had to go see the baby in the nursery. Fathers, let alone any other visitors, were not allowed to be present at the birth. I still can't wrap my mind around that concept. Does that have to do with our expectations now? Back then, did women just not expect to be able to bond with their babies right away and so they accepted that's the way it was?

I guess I'm just so confused about what to expect versus what to accept.

Perhaps if I had not labored for 20 hours before the surgery it might have been different. From the beginning of being induced to the final delivery was just. such. a. long. time! Too long. While I'm grateful to the nursing staff for giving us every opportunity to have him vaginally, after trying for so hard, for so long, it was just a huge let down. We were admitted around 4 pm on the 29th and I wasn't delivered until after 10 pm on the 30th. It was a long 2 days just trying to get the baby out. The poor kid was stuck for 7 hours at 7 centimeters so no wonder he still had a cone head! Then we were stuck in the hospital recovering from infection and blood sugar issues until the 4th of July. It was a long time to be in a hospital for the first time. Even my IV gave up on me.

The recovery afterwards was painful and time consuming. I felt helpless and even more of a failure for not being able to care for our new baby. Nate did it all. I just tried to nurse and pump, sleep, eat and drink and pop pills. I could barely stand or walk because my body had swelled up to a point where I didn't even recognize myself in a mirror. I had to get up and move to keep my body circulating and avoid blood clots but then I had to keep my feet up when not doing that to get the swelling to go down. I lost so much blood I became anemic. I was catheterized for several days. I had to drag a pole with my fluids every time I got out of bed to move around – which took an agonizing many minutes to accomplish. Any time I stood up, I felt like my intestines were going to fall out of my body and land on the floor.

I can't help thinking that if I had only been able to give birth vaginally, most of that pain could have been avoided. Sure, there would have been pain, but it would have at least been localized and healed faster and I could have been more active sooner. I also don't believe that I'm incapable of having a vaginal birth. I think Lucian just got stuck. (The delivering OB said his head was tilted back.)

The thought of experiencing all of that over again is terrifying because we now have a demanding toddler to care for as well. Nate won't be able to take as much time off since we'll be delivering right before the holidays. I'm hoping that having Lucian around will help to take my mind off of the pain and I'll recover faster because I won't be able to focus on it as much as I did last time. I hope. Once the holidays pick up, then Nate will be home more, so that will help, plus my mother in law now lives closer too. It's just the feeling of helplessness that I dread. I hate needing so much assistance. I want to be able to do it all – on my own. It's not rocket science. I should be able to handle it all. Other women do it, why shouldn't I?

I'm pretty sure it's all normal to feel this hormonal and out of control of my feelings in the first trimester. It's partly the reason why I haven't been blogging. But I can't keep my mouth shut anymore. I have to vent. Writing is very cathartic for me. It's usually been my personal policy to try and keep things light or at least, when I write something dark – to immediately post something light to take the focus off of the negativity. I hate negativity. I hate being negative. I hate not even being able to fake being positive at times. I hate using the word hate. It makes me want to crawl under a rock and hide for fear I'll say something that will offend someone else or be taken the wrong way.

I wish I could just keep my mouth shut. If I were a mute, sometimes I think it would solve ALL of my problems.

I know this will pass. I know something will make it all better and things will work out. Is it possible to be optimistic AND depressed at the same time?

I think the things that bother me the most right now are:

1. My relationship with my Mother – or lack there of

2. Finances

3. Insurance coverage costs making life miserable

4. My health – pain, lack of energy, depression

5. Worries about delivery and feeling like I have a lack of options right now

6. Forgetfulness – I know I'm forgetting something all the time

No offense, but I'm tempted to close the comments on this post just because I'm feeling so bitchy right now and I don't want to hear "perk up, it will be all right." or "you have nothing to worry about, there are starving kids in Africa where infant mortality is higher." or "here, let me sell you something to make you feel better" or "you're a fat bitch and need to get over yourself" – you know, because the trolls still visit once in a while. (the word 'vaginal' is bound to trigger poised search engines. oh yay.) Or "OMG, I can't believe you swear on your blog, you're not the righteous woman I thought you were, I'm no longer reading your blog." (to which I say – "See ya.")

And oh, crap, this blog gets sucked into Facebook and put into my notes section where others may read it who think I'm normally very light-hearted and will be disappointed to find out just how dark I can be. I'm tempted to delete the post.

Screw it. Sometimes I just have to be real and candid, so deal. Unfriend me, unfollow me, ignore me if that's what you need to do – seriously – I've over needing to feel accepted and popular. (Ok, that's stretching it, but you're a real friend to me if you stick around and try to understand and that's all that matters to me anymore.)

I just can't deal with that shit right now. I just want to blog. I just want to vent and complain about MY problems and be self-absorbed for a moment in MY JOURNAL. I know there are people who have it much worse than me right now. I am grateful for the opportunities I DO have in life right now. I'm grateful for a husband who loves me, a wonderful son, a supportive family (most of them anyhow), a roof over my head, food to eat, and some material possessions that make life more bearable among other things I'm too moody to think about right now.

So, I suppose moodiness sums up Week 11. I wish it were all rainbows and Unicorns, but it's not right now. Right now I'm filled with bitterness, fear, sadness and helplessness to name a few.

I just want to be able to look back on this entry in a few months and see what a crazy person I was while feeling completely different in the future. That is the goal and I hope writing this and getting it off my chest will help with that process.

Maybe I just want some other cesarian section victims to reach out and tell me I'm not the only one for whom it's turned into a psychotic weirdo.

I'm also hoping this is so long that no one will want to read it, maybe not even me later.

Now I need to go find something fun to put above this post to move it down and out of other aggregators!