Does Blogging Keep You Honest?

"Hello blogger, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again..."

I'm still here. Just so you know, but I'm just swimming in a surplus of thoughts right now. It's hard to describe, but I'll try. It's not that I have nothing to say, but exactly the opposite. I have so freaking much to write about that I'm just overwhelmed. I keep getting distracted. I keep reading other blogs which in turn inspire me to write about so many different thoughts and ideas that I just don't know where to start.

I so totally wish I could write short and sweet little posts. I wish I could fragment my thoughts and ideas to make it quicker and easier to digest. I admire people who can keep it short and sweet. It actually takes me so much longer to write a post because I keep editing the hell out of it to make it shorter. And then look what happens. You see how much you need to scroll to get to the bottom of it and then all of the sudden, reading a single post becomes a rock climbing adventure where you're afraid to look down.

I keep starting posts and then not finishing them because something else just gets in the way. (Just to name a few: the end of nap time, bodily functions, interruptions while performing bodily functions (you know — toddler follows you into the bathroom/toddler doesn't follow you into the bathroom - damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing), sleeping (in increased efforts to combat my insomnia), housework, billable hours for clients, increased efforts to spend time with the Hubby because a sibling for Lucian just isn't going to make itself, and I read somewhere that you can't get pregnant by kissing, ahem, and the list goes on. ad nauseam. I think you get the idea.

[See, that was totally unnecessary and I could have just deleted it, but then that wouldn't be me. It would be what I think me should be, so, I left it in.]

Some smartass once said "If you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all." Many times that phrase just prevents me from writing. It also prevents me from being honest and purging posting any feelings and thoughts I originally intended to host on this blog for posterity. That frustrates me a lot. I've been so tempted to create another more private blog just so I can rant about really personal things that eat at me, like family issues, frustrations in my marriage, or people who drive me nuts because I think they are fake.

Then again, what would be the point. Would I really gain anything from writing about it? Would it really matter if I just left out the fact that sometimes my family members aggravate the hell out of me? Doesn't that happen to everyone? Would I really want to read about it in the future? Worse yet, would I really want a family member or friend to read it? Does it enhance my blog any more by complaining about certain family members or friends? Some people's blogs thrive on that subject matter and I really admire the brass balls of some of them. I personally think it's all the stuff of what sitcoms were made for. Negativity just gets so much press, so why should I add to the problem when I can be part of the solution. Maybe I'll just try to remember that and move on with life and save my repetitive stress-injured typing cramps for something more worthwhile or productive – to me that is.

You know what else drives me nuts?

• A lot is two words.

• My English teacher said, "Commas and periods belong inside of the quotation marks." I was taught English in the United States. Were you?

Ok, I feel much better now.

I ask myself these questions a lot lately: Does blogging keep you honest? What is your definition of honesty? For whom are you being honest? Yourself? Your readers? Why do you pay any attention to your readers?
The answer lies in who I think those readers are.

I began this blog with the intent that "my" readers were comprised of a couple of close friends I've known for years before I even knew what a blog was and a couple more friends I made online after I found out what a blog and bloggers were. I also thought it would be a great way to connect with family members since I live so far away from them. I told my parents about my blog and even a couple of family members (only after having to explain what the hell a blog is). Then I figured that they just weren't interested and weren't reading it since I got no feedback from them on it whatsoever.

So, I started writing about stuff I thought other people might enjoy. I started to seek out others who share my same passions for technology and how I combine it with my adventures in being a new parent. I really enjoy writing about those topics and I also love getting feedback on it because I learn even more that way.

Basically what I'm trying to say now anymore is that I struggle with being honest with myself and keeping my blog what I want it to be.

I've noticed that I've picked up some readership recently. (The 10 people I thought read my blog once in a while have now mysteriously turned into 46! Maybe something is broken in feedburner?) While it humbles me that people would actually subscribe to my blog, I really hope that they are reading more than just the current post because I'm not always sweet and sunny. Sometimes the closet door creeks open and the darkness creeps out. The skeletons giggle, I hear them, mocking me. It's not easy going from bikers to big wheels. It's a constant struggle to be positive and honest about myself, my past, present and what I hope for my future.

Here is a to do list of personal issues I'm working on writing about:
• my road trip home and back
• being home and the vacation from the vacation
• time spent with family and friends
• things that annoyed me about time spent with family and friends that I'll have to find a delicate way of explaining so no one takes offense
• my weight and how much it pisses me off right now
• what I'm doing about my weight and my progress thus far
• how I manage to annoy myself, my husband and my family about my need to document everything in our lives

Here is a to do list of fun techno-geeky goodness I can't wait to blog about but need to research and prepare more so it looks nice (translation: I'm a miserable perfectionist):
• my trip to the Boylston Street Apple Store (with cool video clips I need to edit first)
• my recent revamp of my son's tangerine iMac in his room
• updates on my adventures in toddler-proofing my Mac & my review of the iSkin keyboard cover (waiting for the screen cover to be delivered in the mail)
• how and why I torture myself with iCal reminders (3 just popped up while typing the last line indicating this post is already way longer than I intended it to be and I so hope it makes it live and out of the drafts folder)
• ok, so maybe I can just cross that one off the list
• I forgot what the next list item was going to be, shit
• oh yeah, Front Row and how much of a crowd-pleaser it was while visiting with family and friends
• my new method for organizing movies to show in Front Row
• a totally kick-butt review of AlphaBaby (one of my most favorite apps for kids)
• how we survived our cross-country road trip using technolog: what did we use and how did we use it
• what WAS in my bag: what I packed vs what I actually used
• even more stuff that I thought about last night but have forgotten right now but will remember later while taking a shower

So, I'm pressing the publish button now before this ends up back in the drafts folder!
No more editing! I'm here and I'll keep writing after I get out of my procrastination funk.