O Christmas Tree

Have you ever heard of Light Painting?
It's a lot of fun and the results are unpredictable — which is just one part of the fun.

One result I did NOT expect was to have my photos featured on another blog — and not just any other blog — Robert Lachman's Photography and the Mac.com photography site! I was very honored when he asked me if he could use my photos in a slide show on his site for a post on Improving Your Holiday Photos. Robert gives great tips about photography and his blog has really been inspiring me lately to dip back into my passion for the art. Robert's impressive history and experience with the art of photography really shows in the unique moments in time he's captured throughout the years. Check out his portfolio.

My Christmas Tree Became a Paintbrush
The other week I was pretty proud of how nicely our tree turned out this year after I decorated it and I wanted to photograph it all lit up. I love the way it looks in the middle of the night, when I'm still up finishing up tasks around the house. Everything is quiet and it's just me and our Christmas Tree. (I never imagined how hard it would be to get stuff done around the house with a toddler constantly under your feet at all times!) I waited till Nate and Lucian went to bed and set up my trusty old tripod and started to experiment with the settings on our little old point-and-shoot digital camera.

Fireworks are an example of "painting with light." It is tricky to get really good photos of fireworks because it involves longer shutter speeds and having the correct exposure for low light. If you've ever tried to take pictures of fireworks using the standard setting on your point and shoot camera, then you know what I mean.

Here are some examples of my process.

BEFORE
Here is your average, ordinary shot of child in front of Christmas Tree. Boring. Not very lively or expressive.



AFTER
Here is almost the same shot only this time, it's lit up. See the difference?



Dancing With Lights
Here is where I had some fun with my Christmas Tree decor! This is my favorite shot. You can click on the link below to check out the rest of the album and also read the captions. I basically experimented with different movements of my camera while the shutter was open and "recording" the light show. Sometimes I kept the tripod stationery on the ground and just moved or jiggled the legs or adjusted the handle to change the angle. Other times I picked up the whole tripod and just moved it around.

From O Christmas Tree

Here is an embedded slide show of all of the photos I took that night and the experimentation with different movements while leaving the shutter open for longer exposure times. I've written details about the shots in the captions.

Geeking Out with iGrandma

Check it out! I was a guest on the "Call Your Grandma" show tonight with Patti Serrano. It was a lot of fun and I hope you might join us next week.

The show runs every Friday night at 10:00 pm ET.
Mark your iCal with a pop up reminder. The show is simulcasted using UStream and TalkShoe so you get it from different angles using audio and video streaming while also being a podcast to which you can subscribe.

What's the show about? Go ask your Grandma and find out!
Patti has invited me to do a weekly Mac Segment. Tonight's show was just an introduction. This is NOT a "Mac Show." Some people have already asked me, so I thought I should point that out. It's a show about having some fun using social media to talk about anything and Patti is brave enough to pull all the strings to make it happen. She also happens to be a grandmother who uses a Mac to do it. If you know anything about me and have been reading my blog and twitter, then you know that's right up my alley.

For the audio portion of the show, it's best to listen to it from the TalkShoe feed for better sound quality. Click this TalkShoe graphic to play it or go directly to the page where you can listen there or subscribe in iTunes to the show.

I Want an iCar

This was too funny not to share.
(Thanks Kathy!)

Guacamole Bowlee

I normally don't post about food or recipes. That's my husband's area of expertise, but I was too proud of this and had to share it. My friend Emily is going to be so proud of me! I can't wait till she sees this.

Ever since I moved out west, I have fallen in love with avocados. I had never even eaten one when I lived out east. I think I may have tried guacamole at a ChiChis restaurant maybe once, but it didn't leave an impression on me. I'm sure it's probably because the price of avocados are extremely high as compared to the sale prices out here in AZ.

I first got hooked when my sister-in-law made guacamole for us. Then I learned how to make it and now I am pretty much the designated Guacamole Queen in this family. I wear my crown very proudly. I have my own way of making it, which is different from the standard, but everyone loves my version of it and it never lasts long at a family gathering. The only thing I don't like about mine is that it's not as bright green like the kind you're used to seeing at the store. The reason is because I add red Hatch chili to mine so it gets a darker coloring to it.

Here is a picture that shows some of the ingredients I used in this batch. We had burrito night last week so this is the full spread of our dinner making items. If you live in the east, the tin of Old Bay seasoning might catch your eye. Yep, I even use a little bit of that in my guacamole just to make it all my own. That Old Bay is sent to me by my mother since it isn't as easy to find out here in AZ where they no nothing about a good clam chow-dah.

I called this post "Guacamole Bowlee" because that is what I've decided to name my new little kid's treat that I just made up for Lucian. When I was making guacamole last week, he was getting impatient for his share of the goods, so I just quickly grabbed one of the avocado skins I had scraped out and just put a scoop, chip and spoon into it. It made the perfect little bowl for him. Just his size and fits in the palm of his hand. He is now old enough to eat chips without choking but he is still getting the hang of using a spoon. He loved it so much, he had seconds and thirds!

You see, the boy just loves avocados. He would turn into one if we let him. It was the very second baby food he ever ate right after rice cereal. (Again, thanks to Emily and the fabulous book called Super Baby Food she gave us that taught us how to make our own baby food.) It turns out that avocados are one of the most perfect, natural baby foods you can give your child at any age starting as early as four months old. We started at six months old as seen in this photo of him.

Wow, this brings back memories. Poor little guy had such bad eczema back then. We had to really be careful which foods we introduced to him when.

While he was still in public day care, his eczema was so horrible to the point of almost bleeding. Once I started staying home with him, it cleared up because I kept on top of it. I also think that constantly having avocado smeared all over his skin helped too! There is also what looks to be oatmeal in this photo mixed in there too. And to think we women pay the big bucks for skin masks that have the same ingredients!!)

We made all of our own baby food and rarely bought store-brand. We only ever bought store-brand when we were going to travel and even that didn't really matter once we collected enough of the glass jars and lids to reuse with our own home-made variety. We loved making our own baby food for him. Nate took much pride in using his handy-dandy food processor. It was probably one of the better investments we've made when it comes to kitchen gadgets. I'm sure it has paid for itself well over by now.

One trick I enjoy sharing with new parents about to start feeding solids is avocado cubes as I like to refer to them. When baby is old enough for finger food and just beginning to master the pincer grasp, avocado cubes are perfect for this. Just take one avocado, slice in half and remove the pit. Instead of just scooping out the "meaty part" with a spoon or fork, instead, run your knife down vertically to create 4 cuts long-wise. Next, turn the avocado sideways and now run your knife down and make another few cuts to intersect so you have square-shaped cuts. Lastly, turn the avocado over so the skin side is facing you. Pinch near the center and squeeze gently to pop the cubes out onto a plate. There you have it! The perfect baby food that grows with your baby's needs for feeding!

A Parody Was The Pill I Needed

Now THIS IS funny. Just what I needed to soothe my pain.
And you know how much I like boob jokes.



I hope we can move past this soon, but not before we learn some important lessons from it all. (And when I say 'we' I really mean 'me' but ya can't blame me for hoping for a larger collective.) I really wish someone would put an end to the original Motrin ad on YouTube. I mean, seriously — why hasn't THAT been pulled? (Just in case it has by the time I publish this post, as of now, it's still being linked to and it's got over one hundred thousand views.) Isn't it illegal to scrape it from the motrin.com site and post it to YouTube? I wish someone would explain to me why this is ok. Isn't it counterproductive for the same people who complained about stopping the original ad campaign to keep linking to it and promoting it? I used to think that there was a simple common goal: to possibly get the original ad removed or revised on the company's website and educate people about the misconstrued facts of babywearing. (The Sept. 30th ad campaign wasn't even popular before this past week but sure is now while it's on YouTube.) I just don't get how that got all messed up. I'm also still peeved about the people who bitched about the ad in the beginning who keep trying to milk it for their own selfish and personal gain. I am no longer linkbaiting anything that drives traffic towards the original ad or the people who stirred the pot and spoiled the stew. I'm even considering removing the links from my original post on the whole thing. I'm just talking about how I've allowed myself to feel about the whole experience and what I'm trying to learn about myself from it.

One annoying thing is that now we've got all sorts of "experts" spewing their psychobabble about the effects of the "mommy mafia" on marketing who then link to the Queenpins which pushes more traffic to their sites. I don't quite yet know just what to make of that whole bag of hurt. Maybe the "marketing analysts" are right. Maybe they're also for hire. It frustrates me though because of the perceived ill threats this poses to moms with blogs and the sincere business efforts they try to achieve through social media on their behalf. I'm attracted to the idea of moms having a say and maybe even getting compensated for their ideas about how marketing could be improved to make advertising more effective. I'm also kind of turned off though when we act like the market owes us something just because we're moms. I joke about it at times when something pisses me off and I feel like I can "threaten to blog about it" but I'm also part Italian and the whole "mafia" thing has always been a tongue in cheek thing with me.

I suppose it's only human for us to always look for some kind of a power trip to makes us feel worthy in situations where we feel our personal beliefs are being threatened. I have to wonder though — are we mommy bloggers (whatever you want to call it or not call it) so desperate for attention these days? The competition is really getting the best of us I think. (Present company included.) I used to think it was a nice community in which to belong. Moms promoting other moms just because we think each other are cool. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Blogging with other moms used to be one big happy lovefest for me. It made me feel giddy and like I belonged to a group who accepted me even when I didn't shave my legs or put on a bra.

I'll be honest, I sometimes felt like I was exploiting the "#motrinmoms" situation by the couple of times I tweeted my blog post link or used the #hashtag to link myself to the conversation stream. I was excited at the prospect of commenting on another's blog to get a linkback in return. Oh the things we do for some traffic or to get noticed. This practice has been bred into us by the mommy bloggers who paved the way before it was a popular idea to have your own blog. They taught us the ways of the modern-day sewing circle. All the stitching of blogs together makes one collective group of moms with common goals and ideas.

My real intention of my original comment on the subject was to speak my mind on something I felt knowledgeable about and to then share that knowledge with others. (ok, this is the last time I'm going to apologize for myself.) But I couldn't leave it at that. I was too proud to let my comment — my content— to sit idle on another's blog who was getting attention. I don't want to just give my ideas away when I've got a stale post on my own blog just hanging there. The thoughts belong to me and I may want to revisit these thoughts in the future when I feel the need for reflection. When I began to copy my own comment and post it on my own blog, I thought about a way to introduce it. Then I thought it was a good opportunity to post on something I was passionate about which also brang back fond memories of my son from before I even had a blog. For so long I had been wanting to post something about my earlier parenting experiences for my son's portion of the "baby log." My blog is mostly about preserving my memories of my life including the people, experiences and philosophies I've had during my lifetime.

I also begin to wonder about this whole blogging for "business" scheme I've been thinking about getting in to. I'm trying to be more careful now. It's hard in this day and age of the modern-day-depression "economic downturn." The pressure to be an entrepreneur and push for self promotion to get by and rise above the competition out there is immense. I wonder if the stress of it all is starting to turn people into something they wouldn't normally be.

The more we dedicate, the more we medicate.
What the hell is in this water we're drinking?
If it is not laced with pride then it is tainted by greed.

All of these experts but no one to self mediate.
Where do we draw the line before blinking?
If we keep on wanting to belong we will always perceive the need.

It's not good enough to just be a stay-at-home-mom and especially when you have already started a career before choosing to stay at home to raise your family. I have found the stress to be overwhelming at times. I feel I still have to prove myself. I have to prove that I'm good for more than just changing diapers and cleaning toilets. Especially, since I have a college degree, I have to prove it to myself that I'm not letting it go to waste. We had to take out a second mortgage on our home to money launder our own debt, the bulk of which was my college loan. I feel so insanely guilty about that and I punish myself by allowing myself very few privileges in life. If I'm not working hard all the time, I don't feel worthy.

Despite the fact that I give great hugs, mend broken hearts, listen to troubles and dry tears, make things by hand and enjoy helping others for nothing in return — I still feel guilty for not doing enough.

You have to prove yourself to stay at home moms if your work out of the house and if you're a stay at home mom you have to prove you're just as active as a mom who works full time AND raises a family. I don't see where there is a win here. I've done BOTH now and BOTH sides have their merits. I decided to stay at home for many reasons. One of which was because the money wasn't enough to keep me slaving away at my previous full time job. I enjoyed the job very, very much, but the expectations and bureaucracy killed it for me. It's hard to say, but I'm inclined to think that a very LARGE amount of money would have been required to keep me punching someone else's clock, even at a job I could stomach. If I were making the equivalent of above and beyond mine and my husband's salary combined, I would have been harder pressed to quit and that's why I can understand the plight of the "working mom." Lucky for me I wasn't so embedded in my job at the time that I felt a sense of obligation to keep it. I knew I was easily replaced — not my efforts or ability — but me as a warm body to fill a slot that wasn't given a whole lot of priority. In other words, in my situation, I feel like I could always go back to a similar job or even a different job and that staying wasn't going to change that fact. After having so many different jobs, it's hard for me to feel any sense of loyalty for any one particular place. Take me or leave me. I'm an outstanding worker and if you compensate me and treat me well, I'll bend over backwards for you. But if you try to micromanage me or cheat me out of my worth, then there are other things I can do.

One skill I have that no one really ever thinks of putting on a job application is the ability to live on unemployment, still pay on my debts and take care of myself. I know how to hunker down and live within my means. I don't mind eating macaroni and cheese with tuna out of a can. I work to make a living doing something that I love. If you expect me to work to live, then I can make working livable, but not lovable or lasting.

I'm frustrated with myself for getting sucked in to what turned Twitter into a major soap opera. I have been trying to take a break from Twitter for the past couple of days now. It hasn't been easy, but I am trying to focus my attention on other things now. I do miss the way it used to feel to me. When people started using it for selfish promotion and to say nasty things to each other, it became tainted. It was like a bar fight broke out and now I'm not sure I want to go back to that bar. I think I've actually reached a point of burnout on it.

A couple of my friends have experienced this burnout too so I know I'm not alone. For me, Twitter is like the Cheers of online networking like AOL chat rooms used to be. Have you ever read the lyrics to the Cheers theme song? No? Well, you're in luck! You know you wanna. AOL chatrooms lost their appeal when the meat market and pr0n spambots took over. I fear Twitter might soon suffer a similar demise, but I really hope not. I know Twitter seems like a really powerful force to be reckoned with and people are claiming that companies will now be shaking in their boots about what affect it will have on marketing, but anything seems powerful enough when you live in a bubble. It's really easy to get sucked in to Twitter like it's your little world. Sometimes that makes it harder to be more objective.

I'll probably get back into it soon, because I still love it for all the great feedback I get when I have a question about something technical or feel like being silly geeky. I also do like to use it as a mini baby log by posting little #hashtagged thoughts about my son throughout the day and archiving the RSS feed on it.

If my blog posts aren't in the form of a personal journal entry to myself or a baby log about my son, they are usually in the form of a review, tip or promotion for something I enjoy and want others to know about. So, I'm going to keep reminding myself that this blog is for ME and these are MY feelings whether I'm right or wrong or just passionate but unsure.

Now, it's time to laugh about it, dammit!
Aaaay! Fuh-gettaboutit! You jes tell em' TheMacMommy told ya – iz all gonna be alright! Oh-KAY? sheesh. Fuh-gettaboutit! You should lissen to your own motherboard. Ya know? Deep down. Be true to yaself. Ay-ite?

The Scarlet Blog

Don't read this. Really. I swear a lot and offend people. Mostly myself. Way too much scrolling involved. You don't have time to read this, trust me. Move on. You'll never forgive me if you don't.

Dear Blog,
I like lemonade. Do you like lemonade? I was hoping that by posting about the whole Motrin ad thing that I might be able to take something negative and turn it in to something positive. Oh silly me. Silly mommy blogger. What were you thinking? The whole thing has gotten so out of hand now and it's got me so pissed off at the Internet that I don't even have twitter open. Yes. It's that bad right now.

The whole "thing" whatever the hell this thing is — it's like a rash or something and I'm all worked up over it. I am so guilty when it comes to rubbernecking on the web. I subjected myself to reading all of the post shit-slinging and allowed myself to get worked up about it. I seriously thought about deleting my entire blog over some hurtful, hateful things people have said. Seriously. I am so close right now because some of the things were said by people I respect and would consider a friend. Maybe they are right and that's what bugs me.

The main reason is because I am so sick and tired of the online drama and my inability to not take part in it at times. Being snarky is a huge weakness of mine. I don't have a life, so I hang out online where I feel social and can commiserate with others. It usually makes me feel good. It usually makes me feel fulfilled. Until lately.

That's just one reason. Another is that if I hear or read more person say "must have a lot of time on her hands or nothing better to do than blog or tweet about it" or "wasting her time while there are more important things to do or talk about" — let's just say, if you come back here and get a 404 error or the page is empty, you'll know what happened.

They say if the shoe fits, buy another pair. Oh wait. No, sorry, that's what my mother says. She has a lot of shoes.

I don't know why I'm taking all of this shit so personally, but I am and I have to somehow come to terms with it and hope that I can get past it soon. Maybe I should go scrub my toilets. Maybe that would make me feel better. More like a true woman. Maybe washing the dishes would make me a more productive person in society and help to fulfil my obligation on this earth better than writing a blog, designing a website, trying to keep up in technology trends, because, you know vacuuming my carpet right now will keep me employable in this hell hole of an economy, won't it? When has learning anything done anyone, especially women, any good?

I don't know why I feel so guilty about posting on it. I still feel the same about most of what I wrote, but yet I've considered deleting it all. I thought I was trying to be fair and balanced. I thought I was trying to help a cause. I thought I was being passionate about supporting something I believed in when it came to babywearing and pointing out that dads do it too. I thought I was helping others and being supportive — of even those with whom I disagree.

All this because someone asked me to check out a blog post and comment on it and I bit. I bit hard because I was pissed that an ad was mocking the practice of babywearing. I bit for the same reasons outlined by a response from Babywearing International. It all started with one comment on another blog that, at the time, I was passionate about. At the time, I was thinking, it's one little ad on one company website. It's not like it was a TV commercial being aired at prime time. The damage was all the same though and moms all across the world started using online communications to comment back. It spread like wildfire, just like the fires close to LA just one night prior.

I watched it unfold and was immediately addicted to it like a drama on TV. What will happen next? Who will pick up on it? Will anyone "internet famous" comment on it? All of the sudden I felt like I was part of a community taking action to send a message to defend attachment parenting practices.

What did I get out of it? Well, the ad did get pulled and that made me feel satisfied and everyone could have left it alone then. That didn't happen. All of the sudden the "mommy blogger" and "women blogging" community turned inward on istself. The ad, even though it got pulled, ended up on YouTube where it could very well live permanently. Is anyone talking about copyright infringement in the thread? No, instead they are all too busy bashing one another and turning the whole thing on its side.

So now what exactly did we accomplish again? Oh yeah, traffic to our own blogs and a negative social stigma.
Thanks but no thanks. Now I feel completely unsupported. Ironic, isn't it?

I don't question what I wrote quite as much as why I even write at all now.

I mean, there are more important things in life than a blog according to so many new "authorities" on the web who obviously know way more than me. Like Darfur and the economy and, oh yeah, I could be cleaning my house to make it spotless every effing second of every effing day during nap time or whenever my son is having his play time.

Wanna play guess who's blog or post I just read?

I write a blog that talks about my personal experiences of being a a stay at home mom who is trying to raise a healthy, loving, productive member of society in her child, while trying to learn more about managing a tiny consulting business and God-forbid I should use my brain instead sit on my fat ass and eat bon bons all day long. And for that I guess I'm just one of those stupid, bitchy, dramatic mommy bloggers who has too damn much time on her hands and wastes time bitching about unimportant things in life. Maybe I should go hump a tree after I plant a new one.

Never mind the fact that I struggle with constant depression and anxiety and that writing is a form of therapy for me. Never mind the fact that it will be three years since the last time I smoked a cigarette and that spending time online keeps me from smoking or hanging out at a bar. Never mind that I'm trying to be a better person by not swearing on my blog, by trying to rise above it all. Well, shit. Not tonight anymore. I'm pissed and in the mood to just be honest with myself right now.

I'll probably get chicken shit in a day or two and delete this all anyhow but right now it feels good to pound on the keys instead of my lungs and liver.

Never mind the fact that I work hard for my family managing the house, finances and communications and everything else that being M-O-M means. Does it ever occur to some of these assholes that documenting personal journeys in life IS important and takes time but is a worthy investment?

Yes. It IS worth losing sleep over. I'll sleep when I die and by then it will be too damn late to write.

Some people are just miserable pricks and don't deserve their own life scrapbook. (Especially people who have a year for their handle. I wish he'd go back to living in that time and leave the rest of us the hell alone.) I for one, think my child, my family and my interests are important enough to write about and share with others who want to connect. It's not like I live in the middle of the effing desert or anything almost completely isolated from friends and family most of the time. Oh wait. Oops. It is, sorry almost forgot.

Maybe I should just take some antidepressants and go mop the kitchen floor and shut the eff up. (No offense to people who are on antidepressants. I'm happy for you, sincerely I am. But I don't want to do it right now - too chickenshit. Maybe not until I'm done writing this post.)

All of the sudden the term "mommy blogger" is a dirty word.
Just paint a big ol' red letter M on me now.

It's the new whore of the Internets. There are moms who blog — who openly talk about parenting and their kids in one form or another on their blog or vlog — that don't want to be labeled as such and fiercely defend themselves as not wanting to be associated with the term. That's been going on for some time and now I see why. I have recently seen some nasty fur flying, cat scratching and flinging of poo at play dates. It is not becoming and now my biggest fear is that I may have contributed to some of it in some way.

I'd like to buy a vowel now, Pat.

If there is one thing I have learned from this experience, it's that the bandwagon is not an air-ride equipped with cruise control.

I'm not sure how long this post will survive the ride since I'm not wearing my seat belt right now. It's a crash test dummy for the time being.

Time for some Tylenol PM which is as close to taking antidepressants as I'm getting just yet.

P.S.
It's probably a good idea to avoid posts with the tags listed below. You never know what you're going to get on that filter.