de Composition

Science Teachers are in Demand.
You Could Have Fooled Me.
My husband is a Science Teacher. He teaches high school physics as well as integrated science. He loves what he does, has a passion for doing it and I really admire him for it. I just wish he could do his job and be free to focus on being his best so he could be happy along with it. Being his best is what makes him happy and when he's happy he can be his best. Is that too much to ask?

Unfortunately, life in our home is becoming more and more like the latest lab project: simulation of a landfill decomposition.

I hear a lot of crap about public schools lately and it aggravates me. I am not against home schooling or private schools either. I feel that parents should do what they feel is right for THEIR children. Period. If you want to home school your child, do it. If you want to send your child to private school, do it. Find a way to make it work. Work WITH your children whatever you decide, that is the most important part. So long as your child can become a productive part of society, you're contributing to a greater good. The parents really are in charge when it comes to the education of their children. I wonder how many parents know that. They have the right to say no and ask for more and to make change. (Both the verb and the noun.)

I know that's easy for me to say, my kid isn't even 2 yet, but I have worked inside of the public school system. I've been a student. I've been an instructor. I've been support staff. I've attended public school. My siblings have attended private school. I've attended vocational school. I've attended university. I've served on a curriculum board. I'm married to it no matter which way I turn. I consider myself to be an educated parent and I will use that one day when the time comes for my son to go to school. The plan is to stay involved.

The bottom line is that everyone tries to do their very best when it comes to providing a quality education. You have to know that people who serve in the field of education, any type — public, private, home school — they don't do it for the money! They do it for the passion of educating – to say the least. When I say they though, I am referring to the people in the trenches. The people who are not looking at the numbers and the money and the test scores and the reputation. Those people do it for different reasons and I have a hard time believing it's for the passion and the cause. They do not serve, they manage. Mange to get by is sometimes how it seems. For starters, their pay checks are a lot larger. Their perks and benefits are more bountiful. But they stand a lot to lose if they don't mind their Ps and Qs. Many of them walk away sooner than later and the mess accumulates.

Are you still with me on the landfill analogy?

I'm getting sick and tired of the blame being thrown at the teachers and the support staff. When are people going to look at the administrators and higher-ups a little more closely and hold THEM accountable for the decisions made? It's not just the TEACHERS who have to jump through hoops set ablaze with fire each and every time. We all know how this affects the students, the main cause for the concern, but not many stop to consider the families of the teachers that poor management decisions affect.

Burning Ring of Fire
[To the Administrators and People in the Decision Making Position:] When you ask a teacher to jump through a hoop, you are also asking his/her class and students jump too. When you ask a teacher to jump through a hoop, you are also asking his/her family jump too. Do you consider the full range of consequences for all involved when you create these rules and mandates? In whose best interest is it really? Where are the measurable goals?

I find myself questioning this often. Like this landfill decomposition experiment, I wonder if we will watch some pieces break down into nothing while some just remain the same.

I'm Proud to be Married to a Teacher, but...
Since my husband is a Science Teacher in the state of AZ, the wonderful law known as 'No Child Gets Ahead' mandates that he has to take 12 credits of Life Sciences so he can teach 'integrated' science to 9th graders and be considered 'Highly Qualified.' This is the state of Arizona's interpretation of the law I might add. Never mind the fact that he is able to complete and satisfy the worksheet known as 'HOUSSE' handed down by the state. Never mind the fact that he has already passed a test they recommended he take (and pay for out of pocket) (with flying colors) that was supposed to have proven his 'Highly Qualified' status — and later was decided it did not. Never mind the fact that his transcripts list above and beyond what is needed in credits for a bachelors degree to be able to teach college preparatory physics to high school students. And, this mind you, is just for one of the bachelors degrees he holds – with honors, I might add. Never mind that he was hired first and foremost as a Physics Teacher and is now required to teach outside of his area of concentration.

Multiple Choice

• Is this his fault? No.
• Does he want to keep his job? Yes.
• Is this a threat? We wonder.
• Why is it so hard to find and keep good teachers, let alone Science Teachers? See above.

Even though he is good enough on paper and in black and white, pen and ink and number two pencil, it is not good enough for someone and I've lost track of who exactly. The school's CYA file, I believe.

Ok, so I'm not trying to brag about my husband's accomplishments, but I am proud of him and will shout if from the mountain tops. Someone has to. If I don't, who will?

I might also add that they don't even care to specify the courses he has to take. All they want are for the credits to appear on his official transcript. They don't care so long as he gets a C average and the courses are within the area of Life Sciences. Plus, he has to complete it within a set amount of time on top of teaching his normal course load full time. He's now grading homework on top of doing homework.

We're all for professional development to make sure all teachers are at the top of their game, but this is not helping anyone. It's satisfying some draconian mandate and that's all.

Where is the Return on Investment?
So why am I the one whining about this? I'm just the wife, right? Wrong. I'm the other half of this business venture. It's our bank account that the money has to come from to pay for the 12 credit courses he has to take. Yes, it comes out of OUR pockets, not the school or the state who requires it. That means a larger strain on the one income we are surviving on. Can it be reabsorbed by the umbrella of 'professional development?' Sure. Over time. But who knows what additional expenses will be required. We have no way of knowing for sure if this will be an ROI. There is no measurement in place in order to be able to answer that conclusively. What other occupations require you to spend money to better yourself and then turn around and tell you it's still not good enough?

If I didn't know better, I'd say that the teaching profession appears to be one of the biggest codependent relationships that is continuously exploited at everyone's cost and for no one's perceived benefit.

I also whine because this additional strain in work load not only means less father-son time, but it also means reduced wages for me. That can't be good. Since he's been taking these courses, currently 2 at a time, he isn't as available to help care for our son so I can leave the house more often and go make some money. That makes me a little cranky. I like a break once in a while and I like to make money while I'm on my break. Day care is so expensive that it just doesn't make sense for me to work full time especially for the peanut shells I was making when I did full time in the education services field. One of us doing it full time is bad enough!

On top of the assignments he brings home to grade, he now has his own assignments and labs. So, I chip in where I can getting supplies ready, counting beans, digging dirt, building a simulated landfill in a soda bottle. I can't wait till we get to grow some Sea Monkeys! Yeah, like we don't have better things to do.

All I can say, is just like a landfill, it's beginning to stink. We'll have to find some way to work through this together and find some better solutions to deal with the crap that keeps piling up on us. I know we will (be cliché) and rise above it. We will strive to be a part of the solution and not the problem. It will not be easy, but we can not let it bury and dissolve our passions.

I have hope that we can make change — the one that is the verb. Although, the noun would be really, really nice too!

Pass Me the Sunday with Sprinkles

Sunday Weigh-In Day
Not much to report. I've been a slacker. Haven't been too motivated with much of anything lately. I think it's hormonal. That's what I feel like blaming it on for now. Zits are annoying. Why couldn't I have gotten this out of the way in my teens like everyone else? I was such a nerd then (and now) anyhow so it's not like I would have missed out on anything additionally. I pissed God off at some point and now the zit on the side of my nostril is a reminder. Hubby jokes at me to put Windex on it. One of these days I just might get desperate and try that. Lovely. I've now blogged about zits. What is the world coming to? Current weight is 194 lbs. Measuring tape is still cringing in a corner somewhere. Another half pound crept back on. I think it hitched a ride in with the damn Cheesecake kisses that still taunt me inside the refrigerator door.

Hubby read blog. Hubby too afraid to hide chocolate from Wifey now. Hubby wise man.

The laundry, the unvacuumed floor, the dishes, they can all kiss my ass. PMS - pissed mommy snaps!
What's your vote for what PMS really stands for?

Laugh Till You Cry a Little

Have you ever seen something so funny that it made you laugh uncontrollably? Like, laugh so hard you couldn't breathe? We're talking seizure-esque here. Ever laughed so hard that tears streamed down your face? (probably from the lack of air in your lungs) I just have to share this blog post from someone else that has been making me laugh for over a week now. I even get a glimpse of it when I go to the page to link to it and I choke on my own spit. Ok, so before you click this, try to have an open mind and don't think me so sick and twisted for finding it so damn funny.

[edit]
I submitted this to

If you wanna see some other funny stuff, check out this blog.

Can't Get Enough of This:

I just love watching this video! Haven't seen it for a while and someone blogged it and now I have to too! Enjoy!

Valentines Day Marketing is Evil

Sunday Weigh-In Day
I love my husband. He is such a sweet guy, but he is not helping when it comes to losing weight. How do I tell him to stop bringing things into the house that throw me off my game? Do I blog about it and hope he reads it? Hmmm. Maybe.

Sweetie, I love you. But could you stop buying soda and candy for the next couple of months? If it's here in the house, I'm weak and I'll eat it. — Thanks, Love Wifey.

How about, if I lose 20 lbs., then you can spoil me and lavish me with chocolate. That would be cool.

I still think you're Super Hubby and you rock!

So here's the thing. Valentines Day marketing is pure evil. Why? Because men like my husband are drawn to the damn candy stands like moths to a flame because they know we can't turn down chocolate and it will make us happy. They know that if they come home with chocolate, they done good right? Um, yeah, maybe if their wife is Jessica Simpson. (don't they wish) (ok, I speak for myself.)

We can't complain because then they'll never buy us chocolate again, right? Plus we get that heavy breathing of "well, for Pete's sake woman, what WILL make you happy!??"

Then you end up like me, sitting here eating Hersheys Chocolate Kisses filled with cheesecake. Not just ANY old cheesecake either. We're talkin' New York Cheesecake. Yeah, my Hubby knows how to pick a good chocolate, huh. I'm a spoiled brat.



It's heavenly. Take my word for it. Don't buy any. They are sin wrapped in chocolate. Did I mention they are also filled with New York Cheesecake? Did I mention they are Limited Edition?

So now that I've made this dramatic introduction, on with the stats.

This morning (er, afternoon by the time I remembered to get on the scale.) I weighed 193.5 lbs. I gained 2 lbs. back. Big shocker there. I've been slacking off the last few days on the work out routine too but I have been busier and getting out of the house more, so that's a plus. So, I will just have to work harder this week. Much harder so I can reward myself with a cheesecake kiss.

Hubby, please hide the bag! Help!

That Reminds Me...

A friend of mine is getting ready to have a baby. She told me (emailed me) that she is terrified and excited all at the same time. Yep, that's about right. She also asked me what my labor and delivery was like. Simple question, not so simple answer. So, I started writing her back. I'm debating yet about what exactly I want to tell her. Should I try to keep it short and simple or should I continue the long letter I'm composing which chronicles all of the details?

I don't yet have a whole lot of experience being on the other side of the fence talking to pregnant women about what to expect. It's still kinda fresh for me yet. I'm still not 100 percent over being completely traumatized by the event. I can at least talk about it fondly and without breaking into a puddle of tears, but there are details I still find so horrifying that I'm not sure it would be a good thing to disclose to someone about to embark on the journey of labor and delivery.

What do I say to her? Does she really want to know the truth? Should I give her all the gory details about what it's like to have a Cesarean section? If I tell the truth, women will stop having sex and having babies and the human race will end right?

I guess I just have to trust that people will take certain bits of information and roll with it. I was pretty careful about the things I read before I gave birth. I love to google and research till my eyes bleed but I also read somewhere that you can give yourself a coronary if you're not careful. I learned that lesson when I first found out I was pregnant. I scared myself reading some things when I was looking up a certain pain I was experiencing and from then on I was really careful about which sources I used and what information I chose to read.

While in the midst of composing my letter, I was listening to some relaxing music. A steel guitar was playing and I was instantly taken back to that time of "the waiting" just before giving birth. At that time I remember I was soooooo ready to have the baby and not be pregnant anymore. My fingers and toes felt like sausages. It felt like I was wearing my baby. He was so large and taking up so much of my body that I felt like he was strapped onto me. I just wanted to hold him and meet him so badly. I was so tired and worn out from the massive nerve compression in my leg. Gestational Diabetes made me have to pee every 20 minutes and that was mighty annoying. Needless to say, I did not have an easy pregnancy.

Anyhow, for about a week straight, we sort of camped out in the living room with me laying on the couch ready to pop and watched the Firefly series while we waited for Godot. Yes, the WHOLE series. Every episode on DVD. I'm personally not really into sci-fi, but Hubby loves it. You would have to have seen it to know, but there was this theme music that would play and it had a steel guitar in it. I got sucked into watching it and almost looked forward to watching the plot develop. There was something soothing about the theme music and it got to be something that relaxed me while trying to nap. So now, every single time I hear a steel guitar, I think of Firefly which makes me think of waiting to give birth.

I wonder how it is for other women.
Do you have some memory trigger that makes you think about your pregnancy?
(leave me a comment)

There are certain moisturizing lotions that the smell reminds Hubby and I of the late nights of agony when he would have to massage my leg and back to keep the excruciating pain from making me lose my mind. I remember the pain in my leg being so bad that I wanted to saw it off with a dull nail file in the middle of the night. I still have some of moisturizing lotion left, but I now hesitate to use it because when I have, it reminds me of that uncomfortable time. It's not all bad memories, but mostly it was not a really great time. Hubby smells it and says "ah, smells like pregnancy" and he isn't saying that with a fondness in his tone of voice. So, I guess I'll save it for the next pregnancy if there is one and hope and pray it's different the next time around.

Everyone tells me that each pregnancy and each birthing experience is different. I have to believe in that or else we wouldn't keep the human race going. I have to believe that the next time won't be as bad as the first. I have to have faith that there is a reason the human mind blocks out these memories and represses all of the bad stuff for you. I still remember a lot, but I know I remember it very differently. I think Hubby remembers things more clearly but it's just something we don't discuss much. I know it is still too traumatic for him at times. I don't know that men have that "invasion of the memory snatchers" program that runs on their brains when it comes to childbirth. I feel bad for them in a way.

Sometimes I am tempted to blog about my labor and delivery experience. I just might some day so I have some permanent journal of it just for myself. Maybe when I'm done with my letter to my mother-to-be friend, I'll some how incorporate it into a post. Maybe it will be the therapy I need to resolve some issues I still harbor about the experience.