August 8, 2009

Dear Family

I'm frustrated. Pissed off. Fed up. I've called my mom and left a message for the last time. I just can't do it anymore. I can not deal with the constant rejection any longer. I've now lost track of just how long it's been since she's called me or written. I'm tired, pregnant, cranky and sick of not getting any feedback. I can not stand the negativity surrounding this pregnancy. This should be a happy time for me. It's not. The lack of relationship with my family is sucking the life out of it for me. I can't stand it.

Lilypie

She's not the only one that's set me off. I don't feel like I have a family anymore when it comes to my side. (Nate's family has been wonderful to me.) I feel like I've been discarded. Written off. It's all MY fault that I live so far away yet they are the ones who encouraged me to broaden my horizons. Now I have, I'm happy and doing well and they still refuse to be happy for me.

No one wants to come visit us here despite the efforts and sacrifices we have made to travel out there and spend quality time. I'm sick of all the excuses. All you need is air fare. We will house you, feed you and transport you. Stop complaining that you can not afford to travel. We somehow manage to do it and we make a lot less than you. We're getting by because we're resourceful and challenge ourselves to be responsible. We choose to prioritize family, relationships and happiness. It's not always easy to do when there is a lack of reciprocation. It just makes it that much harder.

Suck it up.

Get your priorities straightened out, people. You all like to preach about religion and what is right and what is wrong. You're all such perfect Christians yet don't even support your family members let alone friends and neighbors. You'd rather complain about them because it makes you look and feel better about yourself. You complain about our society yet do nothing about it. You're all a bunch of hypocrites who really need to take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself how you can be better and what you need to do about it to be happy. Stop being so effing miserable! It's simply not good for you. You want better health care? Take care of your own health! You want to be happy? Make a choice.

Dear Family,
You know who you are. And if you don't, please take a moment to pull your heads out of your asses long enough to think about whether or not you may be "one of them."

I'm done.

I'm finished calling you. I'm finished writing to you and sending you pictures and trying to keep the lines of communication open to our relationship. It's YOUR turn. I'm waiting, but I won't hold my breath. It's not fair to my immediate family to see me stressed out all the time because you don't call or bother with me. It's not fair to our little boy who doesn't understand why his family doesn't bother with him. He doesn't really know you that well anyhow, so it's no skin off his back — but it really shouldn't be that way. He's THREE and could care less about the cards or money you send him. It's a band-aid, but it's the cheap kind that doesn't stay on very well. Our unborn child might come into this world never getting to know you and that is very, very sad. I hate to admit that I wonder if it's better these kids never get to know you so that they don't have to experience the hurt of being rejected by you like I have.

I call, I write, I blog, I post photos and videos, I network socially. I even have an audio podcast they could subscribe to for free and listen in to what I've been up to — and, God-forbid, MAYBE even learn something? I make myself available.

I AM AVAILABLE FOR COMMENT yet I get none from you.

When I first got involved with social networking, it was with the thought that if I put myself out there, I would be able to communicate more easily with my family — those people whose blood we share running through our veins. Every social networking service I try out, I think about whether or not this could be something my family and close friends could benefit from. I'm always looking for an easier way for them to get in touch with me that won't cost them anything but their time. I long to see photos and videos of THEIR kids and families. They all have digital cameras and cell phones yet don't want to invest the time learning how to use them. Most of them have computers and at least know how to use the internet, so lack of technology on their part is no excuse. They also have cell phones with long distance built into the package so a simple phone call would be nice.

I know phone calls are rough because most times of the year there is a three hour time difference. Anyone knows when you're raising little children, time on the phone is just not something we invest in. I can understand why people don't call anymore because they think I don't want to be bothered. I feel the same way and it's why I don't call much of the time either.

I now have another way for you to call me. I now have a Google Voice number. It means, if you're on your computer reading this, you can click this icon, put in your name and number and call me for free. You can also leave a message for free. You can use the long distance built into your cell phone service to just simply dial the number too. It's 918-246-6669 or just remember 918-24MOMMY.


Electronic forms of communication now allow us to shift time by being able to communicate at times that are convenient for us. In my case, that is everyone else's 3:00 am most times. It's not like I don't have an answering machine though. Voice mail is the same thing. Sometimes I waddle just fast enough to get to the phone when it rings and I actually answer it! It wouldn't hurt to actually try calling me and letting me know when is a good time to call you.

I love to share photos and movie clips. I love to use Skype. (My Skype ID is TheMacMommy) I thought these would be great ways for my friends and family to be able to still see Lucian grow up. Now with another baby on the way, we're much more ready to go with this compared to the time when Lucian was born. If this baby were born today, family members could see him within hours if not over the next few days. Both my parents have computers with Skype. All my grandparents and other family members have to do is to go visit with one of them and arrange for a time to be on the computer at the same time. Why is this so difficult? Why has it not become a priority to make time for this on a regular basis? Why must it be like pulling teeth? If you don't make the time for it, then stop bellyaching over not getting to see your grandchild/nephew/cousin, etc. grow up. My family and I do everything we can to open these lines of communication with you — all you have to do is make yourself available.

Lilypie

I get more feedback from strangers on the internet than I get from my own mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and other relatives. Isn't there something off about that? My "internet family" has been helping me to keep it together and I am eternally grateful for that. I just wish more of my "in real life" family and friends would get involved.

If this message has offended you, then you just might be "one of them."

Make a choice. Do something about that.

Life is just too short.

Love,
Melissa and Family
Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath

June 14, 2009

Week 19 - Thoughts

Thoughts
Couldn't take it any more. Bit all my nails off. Now I can type even faster! I'm sure they'll grow back with the pregnancy hormones.



I'm a little nostalgic thinking about how nice it would have been to be expecting a little girl so I could keep fantasizing about doing cute little girly things like painting our toenails together and teaching her how to put on makeup. I don't like that I feel that way, but I'm just being honest. I have mixed emotions I suppose. I also suppose it's all completely normal so while I feel a tad bit guity for having these feelings, I don't necessarily feel it's wrong.

I'm still very happy we're having another little boy and I still see more benefits to having a boy over a girl right now. I'm already in love with him and now I just can't wait to meet him and kiss his little toes. I just can't wait to bond with him.

I'm mostly just nervous about how it will all affect my relationship with Lucian and how he will deal with another little boy to share his room, toys, clothes, and especially, HIS parents. I was thinking a relationship with a little girl would be so different that Lucian wouldn't feel like he was being traded for another little boy. I really worry about how Lucian is going to deal with all of this. I expect he'll be like any other normal little kid and be insanely jealous and feel like he's being replaced. I'm really glad we waited until he was a little older to have another. I think I'd be even more worried if he were not almost 3.

I'm the oldest of 4 and I'm very sensative to what Lucian is about to experience and I'm going to try my best to do whatever I can to make him feel special and not like he's being replaced. I've always told him that he is the little boy of my dreams and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

I can't help feeling how that statement might change now that I'm having another little dream come true – another child that's also a little boy of my dreams. Lucian already made my dreams of having a son come true and to be honest, I've always just pictured myself with one of each – a boy and a girl, that's it. I suppose those are like princess fairy tales when you think of it because it's impossible to know what you'll really end up with when you try for the second to complete your little perfect snapshot of how you imagine your life to be.

I guess that's part of growing up and being an adult — realizing the difference between dreams, goals, aspirations and unrealistic fantasies.

Projects
Yesterday I got into a nesting frenzy and it's still continuing today. I've been chipping away at this blog post in between trips to what I'm now calling "The Boys' Room" to put things away or reorganize little things here and there. It's like a bird who flies around picking up little pieces of straw and bits little by little each time to build the perfect nest. I love tweaking everything. It just makes me happy.

We just got done inventorying all of the children's books we have and I can not believe just how many we've accumulated for Lucian over the past three years! We have a really nice book case built into the wall in our living area so we just reorganized it so that all books for children 17 and under are out there and all "adult" books like how-to, reference and novels are now in our bedroom along with photo albums. I really like the way it looks now and how easily accessible it is to Lucian and someday, his baby brother. We put all of the little board books on the very bottom and then they go up in age appropriateness towards the top.



Before that, I just had Nate pull down 2 storage totes containing all the baby and maternity clothing and supplies. I've been in denial about whether I'm showing now or not and if it's time to start wearing maternity clothing. I'm really confused because I have not yet gained any weight but at 19 weeks now, regular clothing is really starting to become uncomfortable. I keep pushing my elastic band below my belly and my shirts are not covering everything right now, so I suppose it's time. I guess I'll start taking belly pictures soon too but I feel odd about that because I don't feel like I LOOK pregnant. I feel like I just look fat. When I was pregnant with Lucian, I don't think I started showing till around 20 weeks. Even at full term, my belly was never completely round. It was a very odd shape. I'm not complaining because I only gained 27 pounds that time while other friends and family members had gained 50 or more.



I just got finished cleaning and reorganizing The Boys' Room and I'm really happy with the way it looks now. I'd still like to see some shelving on the one wall for some knickknacks. I'm not very fond of knickknacks personally, but we do have several pieces that people have given us over the years that hold sentimental value. There are also some photos I need to frame and hang. It's one of those things that will never be finished, but for now I really enjoy just sitting in the rocking chair while hanging out with Lucian to watch him play his little computer games or read books and dream about the time when there will be two little boys sharing that space together. I look over at the crib and try to picture what life will be like with another little one in there. It will be a while before we actually use the crib because I prefer to have baby sleep in the bassinet in our room for the first six months or so. Lucian slept in a crib in our bedroom for over a year, but partly because my father in law lived with us temporarily while he and mom were looking a new house to move here to Tucson.

Anyhow, those are my thoughts right now - what I'm feeling, what projects I'm working on at the moment.

Funny story I wanted to remember
Last night when I tucked Lucian into bed, I was still moving little things around. Nate had printed out a family photo of us and made a copy for Lucian so I put it up on the shelf with his stuffed animals where he could always look at it. After I put it on the shelf and bent down to give him a kiss and a hug, he said, "That's our family." I said, "Yes! That's right! That's our family." Then I kissed him and hugged him and he whispered, "the Happy Home People."

I all but fell over laughing because that is a line from an Express Flooring commercial that's always on TV.

Leave it to my kid to use an advertising tag line to make me smile.

June 12, 2009

Pink or Blue?

Well, the results are in! We're having another little BOY! :)

The sonogram went extremely well and he was not shy at all! I was able to see the "turtle" before she even said so! I guess after enough sonograms you sorta kinda get used to recognizing some body parts. I love to see the little hands and feet moving around. I have a thing for baby toes.

I have to say, this was one of the best sonograms I've ever had. Lucian's sonograms were great too, but I don't remember him moving around as much as this little guy does! It was amazing to watch him move. Lucian was always a very mellow baby for which I was extremely grateful! This little guy scares me because I just get the feeling that he's going to be a fearless little firecracker! I don't know how I'll keep up! I suppose I will have to acquire a taste for coffee and be like everyone else on the planet who drinks coffee. I'm hoping perhaps he was hopped up on sugar because I had a piece of banana bread with icing before the appointment. (temporary weakness for sweets)

Our sonogram tech was just awesome. She was so patient, fun and seemed extremely experienced and really enjoys what she does. She took lots of time to explain everything and answer questions. I didn't feel rushed like I normally do during sonograms. I was just so relaxed and pleased with the way she looked at everything and even went back to areas where I had questions.
Nate and Lucian were there and at one point, Lucian had to go potty so Nate had to take him out of the room and missed some of the sonogram. When he got back, she was almost finished but I asked and she let us just watch our baby boy swim around for a little while since Nate had to miss a little of it. It was so great. Lucian was almost interested, but of course he was even more focused on seeing what buttons and switches he could press. There was a lot of "Jeffrey, Jeffrey, stop it Jeffrey, get down Jeffrey, don't touch that Jeffrey." Sigh.

Baby was VERY active and squirming all over the place. He was putting his little hands up to his face and tilting his little head back and side to side. It almost made it hard for the tech to get clear pictures at times. He was really making her work for it!
She said we're on target for the due date and he's within normal size. Only one thing they are going to watch is that I have what is called a "low lying placenta" so they just want to make sure it doesn't turn into placenta previa. We'll have another sonogram around 26 - 28 weeks to make sure the placenta has moved up to it's normal position like 99 percent of all cases do.

Lilypie

I haven't yet gained any weight, in fact I lost a pound. I asked my OB about this and she said it's nothing to worry about. She told me I could actually get away with only gaining five pounds towards the end. So, I'm not going to stress about the weight gain unless it makes my leg hurt. At this point, I'm extremely grateful for the slow weight gain and the extra reassurance that baby is healthy and getting all the nutrients he needs right now.

We were hoping for a little girl, but of course we're happy with another boy that's healthy. I'm slightly relieved because we're already prepared for a boy. It kind of takes the stress out of having to reconfigure things for a girl. We may try again after this, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. The joke is that the Davis family comes in sets of three and it's usually two boys and a girl. So, if we feel up to it after this baby, we might try and tempt fate to see if that pattern holds true. I'll be 35 in December so I'm not exactly looking forward to being of "advanced maternal age." I know plenty of people are totally fine with that and I respect that — it's just not what I wanted for myself. I also believe things happen for a reason and that God has an ultimate plan for us so, if I'm meant to have a daughter, it will happen. If I'm meant to be the mother of a little soccer team, than so be it. Boys are cool!

It's kind of funny, I was getting all these girl vibes so I was a little surprised it turned out to be a boy. I won't lie, I was slightly disappointed but more so because my gut feeling was wrong, not because we're having a boy. I don't like being wrong! He just looks so healthy and that's what makes me really happy now. It's just a relief knowing. I suck at surprises because I'm way too nosey.

The other reason that the sonogram was great is because, even though this is the third one, for some reason, THIS is the one that made it real for me. When I was pregnant with Lucian, I think it was the 1st sonogram that made it real for me. I was around 12 weeks along and he was starting to move and I could see him wiggle around on the screen and I was truly delighted.

With this pregnancy, I've been a bit more depressed for various reasons and I was really craving some reassurance that the baby was still alive and surviving and most of all - real. It's not like I was experiencing anything that should make me worry like spotting or cramping, it just didn't seem real or accepted for some reason. (Partly because of the issues I'm still having with my mom.)

It still seems like a dream, but it's so much more realistic to me now. I'm starting to get in the mood for digging out baby stuff and getting certain things set up. Nate of course just says we have time and he's not feeling the kind of pressure I feel to nest. I always worry that if I don't start doing things now while I have the energy, I won't get them done later when I'm distracted and too irritated from being super pregnant.

Already I'm having a hard time getting around and chasing after Lucian because I have a lot of aching in my pelvic joints. (I don't know how else to put it.) The OB says it's perfectly normal because this is my second pregnancy and ligaments aren't as tight as they used to be so baby is resting lowing in my pelvis and causes the aching feeling. I can still get up out of a chair rather quick when I need to, but walking around and standing a lot is not comfortable at all.

I've been getting more tired earlier in the evenings and waking earlier in the mornings so that's a good thing. I just wish I wasn't waking at 3 or 4 in the morning because I feel like I have to pee and then can't get back to sleep. The OB says Tylenol PM is safe to take (as is Benadryl) when I really need it so I'm glad for that. I try my best not to use it if I can help it because I hate putting chemicals in my body that might affect the baby no matter how safe they say it is. Sometimes though, I have to consider the alternatives. Going several days on only 4 hours of sleep each day isn't good for me either. I basically can't sleep much longer than 3 to 4 hours at a time. If I do, it's rare and I take it when I can get it.

I need to be tested for Gestational Diabetes again at around 26 - 28 weeks and I'm nervous that I may have it again. I'm really trying to watch my sugar intake. I can't remember the last time I really craved and ate much chocolate, so that is good. It's the carbs that are my biggest weakness. Being part Italian doesn't help! I have such a penchant for pastas, breads and cereals. I don't keep junk food in the house but I do unfortunately keep too many carbs in the house and that is my comfort food. A bowl of cereal or a bagel or a big plate of pasta is what makes me happy.

So, anyhow, I'm waning but I wanted to get this post out and also take some time to thank all of those who were "Thinking Pink" for us yesterday. I know several people who even wore pink underwear for me!! Even dudes!! So, thank you for your valiant efforts and perhaps next time.

I was feeling so feminine for a while there thinking that I might be having a girl and now I'm tempted to cut these long nails off! It was a nice thought for a while, and I do enjoy embracing my femininity once in a while, but I'm really comfortable hangin with tha boys in my sneakers much of the time so another little boy dude in the house suits me fine :)

June 11, 2009

Week 18 - Sonogram Today

Today, later this afternoon, we'll get a sonogram that will hopefully reveal the health and sex of our baby. When I was pregnant with Lucian during this part of the pregnancy, he was not willing to let us know he was a little boy for the 18 week sonogram. So, although I'm extremely excited to try to find out what the baby is, I won't be shocked if it decides to be shy. I'll just be agitated and hope we get another sonogram so we can find out later. I have little patience when it comes to this. I'm just too curious. It's not that I hate surprises — I like surprises if anyone can manage to pull them off — but I'm very, very nosey by nature so it usually doesn't work out.


Lilypie

One of the things I know they are going to be watching for is the baby's size. Lucian was a very large baby. If this baby is growing large quickly, it's going to lessen my chances for attempting a VBAC because my OB doesn't think my pelvic size can pass a large baby. Lucian got stuck and she thinks that may have been the cause. Part of the problem was complicated with Gestational Diabetes. I'm not sure when I have to take another glucose test, but I bet it's coming up soon. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm skeptical that I might have it because some of the symptoms include constant thirst and frequent urination — which I have been experiencing more lately.

It's hard to tell what is pregnancy-related and what is medicine related. I started taking Zoloft about 5 weeks ago to get a jump start on the postpartum depression I experienced last time. My OB suggested I start taking the meds now rather than wait until after delivery. I've always had issues with anxiety and depression so I figured I mind as well try to do something about it now so my kids don't suffer like I did with my own mom. It seems to be helping, but it's so hard to tell.

I went through a rough week a couple of weeks ago when one of my best friends lost her baby pre-term at 20 weeks. It really affected me negatively. I get very emotionally connected to my good friends and when they suffer a loss, I internalize it also. I just really, really hurt for her. It scares me because I just never knew anyone personally who had lost a baby that late in gestation. I know how common miscarriages are in the first trimester, and I kind of accept that, but the second, that really shocked me. It just makes me worry about my own pregnancy a little more than I might have, but I'm trying to relax a little more, especially now that my friend seems to be healing with her loss.

My mom is still not talking to me and that's still very upsetting. I did send her a Mother's day e-card and she acknowledged it to my sister, but she said nothing to me. Basically, I only ever get family updates from my sister now and she tries to be forthcoming and honest even if she knows it will upset me, which I appreciate. I've tried talking to my grandmother about it and she tries to sympathize, but she doesn't really want to get involved because she has her own set of problems with my mom, her daughter.

The female relationships in my family's history are horrible. It goes back as far as my great-great-grandmother. My grandmother's mother died when she was just nine so she was raised by her grandmother and they did not get along at all. My aunt, my grandmother's oldest daughter, left home when she was 16 and they didn't speak for many years. It wasn't until later in life that my aunt and grandmother finally became close again – best friends even. Then she sadly passed away at the young age of 62. My mom and my grandmom barely get along now. They tolerate each other at best. My mom says nasty things about my grandmom and it really makes me mad. I'm really close with my grandmom and I was also close to my aunt. It's mostly my mom that seems to stir the pot, but she'll never admit to that. It's ALWAYS someone else's fault.

Anyhow, had to get that off my chest because it kind of explains why I'm very nervous about finding out if we're having a little girl. I would love to have a daughter, but I'll always be apprehensive about my ability to have a good relationship with her because of my family history. I want to break the negative cycle and I think it's possible because I live out west now, away from the constant negative examples. My mother-in-law and my sister-in-law have a great relationship and I'm hoping it's one I can emulate. I have hope and several friends now have made some encouraging comments and that just helps me even more.

I don't know, I think maybe the Zoloft is helping. I'm hoping it will help with my confidence in helping to raise a little girl if that's the case. I'm not constantly being reduced to a puddle of tears at the oddest of times. I also feel a little more motivated now in the morning to get out of bed and get on with the day. For the past 3 nights, I've actually managed to fall asleep before midnight! Of course, then I wake up at 4 am to pee and then I'm up and can't fall back to sleep. But, things seem to be improving sleep-wise and I surely hope it continues!! I also feel a little less anxiety about leaving the house to do activities with Lucian at public places. I've taken him out on my own a little more and I've been feeling more motivated and confident to take him out in general and get out of the house. Now that he's approaching three, his whole world seems to be opening up to more opportunities and I'm feeling I want to embrace it more and more.

So far, I don't think I've gained any weight. It's hard to tell on my scale at home. According to my scale, I've lost a pound or two. I usually weigh myself in the mornings and my OB appointments are usually in the afternoon once I've eaten AND have a full bladder, so we'll see what happens later today. I'm trying not to be overly concerned about it because I'm really only supposed to gain 15 pounds anyhow. So, if I've made it almost half way in the pregnancy and not gained any weight, that's good I guess.

Truth be told, I am terrified of gaining weight. Reason being, the nerve compression in my leg. The more weight that sits on that nerve, the more painful it gets to the point of excruciating. The only solution for the pain is to lose weight. (I've also read about possible surgery and I may consider that later.) That's not really an option for me right now. I've been disappointed in myself for a long time now because I did not keep the weight off from Lucian's pregnancy. I had lost all the baby weight and then some by the time he was six months old, but it was mostly due to stress and being sick all the time because my immune system was compromised by the C-section. In hindsight, I should never have attempted to go back to work in an elementary school of all places. (Huge petri dish for a work environment, despite how much I loved my job.) When I decided to quit my job and work from home, and he started weaning, it all poured back on plus ten more pounds.

I was trying really hard to lose weight before we got pregnant but my problems with insomnia really made that difficult. Also, the joint and muscle pain with fatigue I experience has limited my ability to exercise. Since almost all my immediate family members have arthritis, I assume I must have some form of it. I've had repetitive stress injury symptoms from the time I was in my early twenties. I should have seen a doctor for all of this before getting pregnant, but I had lots of reservations about seeing a doctor. First being, my insurance plan sucked big time. I'm now getting medical assistance so that is no longer an issue, thank God!

It's no secret that the health care system sucks in this country. It's a never ending cycle. I was paying for insurance – the amount we could barely afford — but the policy really only would have helped me in the case of something really drastic, so I've never even picked out a primary care physician since I've lived here. My OBGYN was really the only provider I've ever needed since living here. I even purchased a maternity rider - thinking I was being the responsible American by paying extra for my insurance so that in the event I'd need another C-section, which I know my chances are high, that I would be covered. Well, turns out I got swindled by an insurance salesman who just told me what I wanted to hear when I thought I was asking all the right questions and doing all the proper research before signing on the dotted line. The maternity rider – that I had paid out several thousand dollars for over the course of almost 2 years – was only worth two thousand dollars and would ONLY cover a NORMAL VAGINAL delivery with NO COMPLICATIONS. Yeah, um, that's not me - I'm complicated. So, I had to scramble for a solution to get medical coverage over fear that the mounting medical bills would send us into bankruptcy.

What complicated things with our prior insurance was the fact that Lucian needs eye surgery. So we're potentially facing TWO surgeries before the end of this year. My C-section with Lucian cost around $40,000 dollars. Yes, that's forty THOUSAND dollars and that was when I had good insurance through my employer. We only paid $350.00 out of pocket to have Lucian at the hospital. So, you can imagine the stress I was under thinking how much it was going to cost us between a C-section and eye surgery with the private insurance that carried a hefty deductible plus 20 percent co-insurance!!

Luckily I was able to get Lucian onto KidsCare for a really low premium each month that doesn't carry a deductible and no co-insurance. It's been a major relief that are health insurance is more manageable and now I don't think I'll be so resistant to see a doctor for reasons other than prenatal care.

I did express my concerns about arthritis to my OB and she said the only thing they can test for and possible try to manage is rheumatoid arthritis. So, I may be getting a blood test for that today. Everything else will pretty much have to wait till after the baby is born and possibly after it weans from breast feeding.

One of my fears about seeing a doctor for my problems was that they might try and put me on a treatment plan with drugs that might compromise my fertility. Approaching "advanced maternal age" is not the time you want to be messing with drugs that could cause infertility when you want to have another baby before it's too late. So, I basically put my health on hold until after we're done having babies which, if this baby is a girl, will likely be soon. If it's a boy, we MIGHT try again for a girl. I just don't know how I'll feel. I love being the mom to a boy. It's great and I'm comfortable with the idea of a house full of boys. I'll just have to wait and see how I feel and if I can get over the feeling of wondering what life would have been like having a daughter.

Nate always teases me that they (the Davis family) come in packages of three. His family history is such that there have consistently been families with children in sets of three and most of them two boys and a girl. So, even if this is a boy we're having now, I wouldn't rule out having another just to see if we continue that trend. We'll just have to wait and see how I recover from the delivery and cross that bridge when we get to it.

More and more, I'm trying to learn to live day by day and not get so wrapped up in planning and worrying so much about the future and things I can not control. It's not easy and I'm not good at it, but I'm trying.

May 29, 2009

Mac 20 Questions Interview

Listen to: Mac20Q Podcast 42 The Mac Mommy
Recently, I had the privilege of being interviewed by David Allen of the Mac 20 Questions Podcast. It was a great pleasure talking with him about our love for the Mac platform and all the ways we've enjoyed using our Macs for work and for fun. I've enjoyed listening to the other episodes of Mac 20 Questions featuring many of my Mac friends. I feel like I'm part of the Mac Family now!

Here is a link to the show notes on David's blog.

If you enjoy all things Mac and are, or would like to be, a member of the Mac community, this is a great podcast to get to know your Mac friends. I hope you enjoy hearing it as much as I enjoyed doing the interview with David. I hope you'll subscribe to his podcast like I have and look forward to more shows featuring our friends talking Mac, giving advice and sharing stories of fond experiences.

May 16, 2009

TUAW: A Mother's Day Tradition

It almost wouldn't be Mother's Day now without topping it off by hanging out with one of my favorite Mac gangs — "the usual suspects" — for the Mother's Day Edition of the TUAW Talkcast.

This year, on The Unofficial Apple Weblog, I had the distinct honor of being a guest on the show – the "Official Mom of the Unofficial Apple Weblog" – where we discussed family tech support and what it's like to be a Mac Mom (Mac parent, Mac wife, etc.) (It was great therapy to get that off our chests. ha ha ha) I was so happy I made it this year since I missed out on participating last year when Mike Rose was so kind to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. It was so much fun to actually be able to "talk shop" this time.

(I come on somewhere in the last 20 minutes.)

May 7, 2009

Cool Mother's Day Video to Share


This link plays the video. Check it out and send one to another Mom.

You can create a video for another Mom by clicking here: http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/index2.html

Thanks to the Moms over at MomsRising.org it really brightened my day!

May 3, 2009

Getting and Staying Organized on Your Mac


Hand-Made Mac Tip No. 11
Organization on the Mac – Just a Few Tips


I've been given a challenge! I've been asked to share some tips on organizing things on a Mac. Whoa! How do I love thee topic, let me count the ways!! I can't tell you how many times I have helped clients learn how to free themselves of clutter on their desktops, so I thought it best if I just blog about it and hope I can help even more Mac users learn how to be more productive with their computers. I mean, you did purchase a computer to do some of the thinking for you, right? So, make your computer do what it was built to do: compute! oh, and scrapbook and crop photos and organize addresses in alphabetical order, and print labels, word process, design, make movies and, and, and....stop fussing with it already! Clean it up and let it do it's job so you can enjoy the results!

@littlebytesnews put me up to the challenge of answering a question for @JessicaKnows. In her post, "Setting Up the MacBook Air: Personalizing it for Productivity," Jessica asks her community for pointers to resources for being organized and more productive on a Mac. Well, Jessica, this Hand-Made Mac Tip is for you!

Keep in mind, this is coming from a Mom, so it's a bit of a "go clean your room!" kind of tone — which, let's face it, many of us need a little pep-talk about organization and productivity from time to time — so here goes! (and by the way, I'm not assuming that Jessica is like other Mac users I've helped, so this is a general-applies to anyone-something you should consider set of recommendations. For all I know, Jessica is a nutty clean freak like me and knows all of this stuff already!)

Clear off your Desktop and KEEP it that way!
I mean EVERYTHING. I'm serious about this. Do it!! Not even your Hard Drive icon. So many people are so shocked by this. YOU DO NOT NEED TO KEEP YOUR HARD DRIVE ICON ON YOUR DESKTOP!! The "Macintosh HD" desktop icon is from the old days of OS 9 before the Finder existed and users had to double-click on that icon to access their files.

Only use your Desktop for emergencies – like files or folders that must be dealt with right away but make a promise to yourself that you won't allow them to stay there for more than a day or two. It will force you to deal with it and keep things neat and tidy. (I know, but isn't everything a deal-with-it-right-away file?)

To start getting organized, create a new folder inside your Documents folder and call it Desktop Stuff. Then select all of the files on your desktop and put them in that folder and work from within THAT folder and put files where they need to go.

Explore Spaces.
Before I continue on with more Finder tips, I also want to share an valuable tip for those of you using Leopard 10.5x. If you're a twitter addict like me, you know that twitter can sometimes hamper productivity. Give twitter its own SPACE! Use the Spaces application and assign your twitter application of choice to a space and then also assign a key combo to it so you can quickly toggle that space on or off. For example, I have my twitter application (trying out a few right at the moment to say which just yet) assigned to Space 2 and then I have command-arrow (doesn't matter which) mapped to that space. Now whenever I want to indulge in twitter, I just press command-arrow to the right on my keyboard and then again to move it completely out of sight, out of mind! (ok, well, never out of mind, really, but at least not an obvious distraction while not in front of me!)

I also have Exposé mapped to command F11 and so I can easily move items from space to space. I've been using this method for so long now that it's embedded in my muscle memory and I don't have to look at the keys to swipe twitter off the screen or move another "bothersome" habit to another space.

I hope you try this out. It took me a long time to embrace it but once I did, I wasn't sorry.

Get with the times. Use the Finder!
No, not in the upper left corner, down on the Dock — that trusty little smiley face that is ALWAYS there for you! The Finder application always gets overlooked because the beloved hard drive icon is still so prominent and ingrained in everyone's muscle memory. People still decorate it by changing the name to something unique and giving it a special icon. I say, why double click on another piece of Desktop "schtuff" that really doesn't need to be there when you can single click on the Dock that is always there by default!

Even though I don't keep my hard drive icon on my Desktop, I still rename my hard drive and give it a special icon because I manage several computers on a network here in our home so our computers are named "Mommy, Daddy and Lucian." (Depending on how you access multiple computers on a network, sometimes it's nice to see the different icons show up.) But see, now with another baby on the way, I'll eventually have to rename "Lucian's" computer because it will some day be shared so maybe it will be called "Kids" or something like that. Moral of the story is, if you're going to get fancy, make a decision about the name when you first set up your computer and stick with it. Changing the name later could cause undesirable consequences down the road because of bad mapping. Also, don't use special characters like ampersands and God-forbid slashes. Avoid bad juju.

I can not tell you how many times I have given tech support to someone and discovered their "Macintosh HD" is actually now called ";;;;;;;;kdfk;lsdrkjhfg" because a kid or a cat got access to the keyboard and started pressing buttons. It happens and it can happen to you— the most careful of all people. Eliminate the liability by hiding the hard drive icon from the Desktop. I promise, you're not deleting your hard drive! It's just an interface change, that is all. Your hard drive is still there. You can still see it in the Sidebar.

Go to Finder/Preferences (this time you do click on the word Finder in the Menu Bar at the top of the screen.) Under the General tab, uncheck all things that normally show on the desktop - turn them off. Train yourself to use the Finder icon in the Dock to navigate to all places. The new Finder Window will have everything you need at just one click if you customize your Sidebar and organize it well. You do not need have to access your "Macintosh HD" icon unless you know what you're looking for at the root level. That's another reason why I encourage people to ditch the double click of the HD icon. It's too tempting to store files at that root level when they don't belong there.

May the Force Finder be with you.
By using the Finder as the app it truly is — an application you use to find or navigate to items on your computer's hard drive — you will truly begin to understand the system of hierarchy and better organization — and with that — computer zen!

Navigate to all items for which you are looking for using a Finder window. A Finder window is a lot like a spreadsheet with sortable columns. You can view items in alphabetical order, by date, size, etc. Poke around in the columns at the top and try clicking on them. Most of the time you'll want to keep it organized by alphabetical order, but there are some times where you want to view it by date.

If you can't read the entire line because it's truncated, put your pointer on the line that separates each column, click and drag out to the right to expand once you see the pointer arrow change to a line with arrows on each side. It takes some finesse but you'll get used to it.

Check out the Preferences available in the Finder application (from the Finder Menu at the top) and click on those different icons to see what they do. Enlarge the icons and text size to make it easier on your eyes to avoid computer screen strain. The Finder Preferences should be one of the VERY FIRST areas you explore when trying to organize a new computer or re-organize an old one. Unfortunately, the Finder is always so overlooked because we take it for granted and don't treat it like the built-in productivity application that it truly is.

Customize the Toolbar at the top of Finder windows.
This is one of the most neglected areas of your new-found productivity application within the Finder. Most people just accept the default set of buttons but I say — don't just settle! Get more buttons! Simply click on the Finder in the Dock to open a new window, then select the View menu from the Menu Bar at the top and then choose Customize Toolbar. You'll be presented with a drop-down sheet from which you can pick by clicking and dragging from a selection of buttons to add to or remove from your tool bar. The first things I always add are the "new folder" and "delete" buttons.

Use the Home folders for their intended purposes – keep your Home tidy.
Keep only Applications in the Applications Folder. Keep or file photos in the Pictures folder. Put movies into the Movies Folder. (There are reasons, i.e. Front Row app, for why these specific folders have been called out inside the Home folder, so don't mess with that juju.) You'll know you're in the Home folder because it's a folder with a house icon and it's the same as your user name on your computer.

File EVERYTHING in separate subfolders inside the Documents folder and KEEP IT THAT WAY. It takes discipline, but you too can achieve this zen so that each time you sit at your computer you are only a few clicks away from everything. Anything else is searchable by Spotlight so no worries. Do not file anything inside of any of the other folders inside of your Home folder except for Documents, Downloads, Pictures, Movies, and Music. Be sure that those folders just mentioned are accessible from your Sidebar in the Finder window.

The Sidebar is your new friend!
You can drag and position a folder alias onto the Sidebar of a Finder window just like you do in the Dock by dragging the icon over and dropping it into a space (as opposed to on top of another folder – be careful not to do that!!) Just like in the Dock, you can re-order the folders into the order in which you access them the most.

Create subfolders inside of the Documents folder and file everything in there, every time. For those folders you need access to the most, just drag that folder icon from inside the Documents folder out to the Sidebar. You're not physically moving the folder, you're just creating a shortcut to that folder in the Sidebar. (Remember aliases on the Desktop? I think this is similar to "pinning" something to the Start menu for PC users who may have switched.) For example, I have a subfolder called Projects. Inside of that folder I have more folders, like a folder called "TheMacMommy" where I store artwork and ideas. Since these folders are nested deeper in the hierarchy, I just simply drag the particular folder icon out to my Sidebar and now each of these areas are just 2 clicks away. One click on the Finder icon in the Dock and one click on the folder icon in the Sidebar.

Use colored Labels and fancy icons if it helps you stay focused, but try your best to work with just the Documents folder for everything. There really is no need for you to access many of the other areas because they are mainly just access points for other applications. For example, if you use iPhoto to manage all of your photos, then the only thing inside that folder is your iPhoto Library and you wouldn't even need to keep it on your Sidebar unless you plan to manage at least some photos manually.

I use a screen shot application (I love) called Skitch and that application creates and manages a folder called Skitch inside of the Pictures folder. Same goes for the Photo Booth application. There are folders that live in there that belong to those applications.

Prefer the Downloads Folder to keep your Desktop clean.
Tell your Mail.app and Browser, i.e. Firefox, Safari - whatever you prefer, to put all Downloads into the Downloads folder. Just launch the application, go to the Preferences menu from the Menu Bar and look for the place to specify where you want downloads to go.
Downloads are the fastest way to junk up your Desktop so why not tell the apps to do the work of filing for you? Keep the Downloads folder handy in your Sidebar and then file from that Downloads folder to the appropriate subfolder inside of the Documents folder accordingly.

Organize your Dock.
Get rid of application shortcuts you never use. Just drag them out of the Dock till they go "poof!" Put the icons in the order that you're most comfortable with. I like to keep my Dock icons organized by category for the most part. Where you put your Dock icons is important because you will develop a muscle memory around the placement.

For the longest time, I tried keeping my twitter client over to the left near the other "communication" icons like Mail, Address Book, iChat, etc. Finally, I stopped fighting my natural tendency to mouse around near the right side of the Dock for my twitter fix interaction so I just moved the icon over there and that feels comfortable to me.

Find your built-in productivity tool.
As you can see, the productivity tool of choice that I am recommending here is already built in — the Finder. Make the Finder more productive by using the buttons, sorting, one-click access, Sidebar, search window, labeling, disk burn, etc. It's all right there at your finger tips and totally customizable for your needs.

I hope these basic tips have helped and maybe provide some new-found gems within the OS X user interface we've come to know and love. Of course, there are so many more, but these are the things that I've managed to eek out of my "pregnancy brain" at the moment. I know I'll think of more as soon as I press publish, but that's what these Hand-Made Mac Tips are for!

Enjoy being Organized!

April 28, 2009

Guest Co-Host on Tech Moms Talk


I was a guest co-host for tonight's episode of Tech Moms Talk over on BlogTalk Radio. It was a lot of fun filling in for Lucretia Pruitt @GeekMommy and chatting with Monica Brady @MommyBrain about kids, technology, education, online safety, and our roles as geek parents. You can hear the audio using the embedded player on this post. Here is the link to tonight's Tech Moms Talk Show where you can listen, download or subscribe in iTunes. Tune in to Tech Moms Talk live every Tuesday Evening at 6:30PM PT / 9:30PM ET


TheMacMommy's Learning Links – where you can find links we mentioned in the show plus a whole lot more!

April 25, 2009

The Story of Stuff

Quick!
Think of a task that will take you 20 minutes to complete.
Now think of a task that will take you 20 minutes to complete that you don't really want to do right now.
Got one?
Good.
Now watch this video. It's important.

Visit www.storyofstuff.com to watch the video in its entirety.

If you don't have 20 minutes right now, just watch this preview and let it stew a little.

Notebook Challenge

This is too awesome. I had to share it. Blew my mind and I love that!

This is probably the best application of the Windows OS I've ever seen.
Looking forward to checking out more of Evelien Lohbeck's work online. Very creative. I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have.

The Ultimate Chimera

Dear Parents,
Please tell me that your child too has a word or words they have made up that you have no earthly clue what it is or means.

Nate and I are going out of our minds trying to figure out this one word Lucian has made up. Some time ago, it took us about three months to figure out what "do me" meant. At least, that's what it sounded like when he was saying it. Finally, Nate figured out that what Lucian was trying to say was "Excuse me."

Duh!

His new word is "dumonoksox" and we are going nucking futs trying to figure out what it is or even how to spell it. Nate and I both have tried tricking him into showing us "dumonoksox" or asking what color it is. No dice. He foils us every time.

Daddy: "Lucian, where is "dumonoksox?"
Lucian: "It's in the bedroom."
Daddy: "Where, show me, let's go look!"
Lucian: "It's on the table!"
Daddy: "Darn! I almost had it!"

Lucian sings songs about "dumonoksox." He uses it in sentences. He butters his bread with it. (just kidding)

We have no clue.

Nate suggested I blog about this, so I did. He came up with the title, of course.

Maybe I'll press publish and someday we'll find out what or who "dumonoksox" is.
We can only hope. Maybe it's related to the Jersey Devil. Who knows!

It Just Had To Be Done

I just had to share this. I love detail-oriented people who pay attention.